


Between You and Me

by ofcorsetstrash



Series: Between [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Humor, Blow Jobs, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cyborgs, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Humor, Implied Reincarnation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scars, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Touch-Starved, Trolling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 61,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7013242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofcorsetstrash/pseuds/ofcorsetstrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Forgive me," Kylo whispered. "I feel it again. His mind keeps pulling at me..."</p><p>Darth Vader's mask didn't answer. Kylo would have been very surprised if it had.</p><p>"I know. Hux is a weakness, but I can do it." He trembled. "I can still carry out my mission. Don't worry. I will finish what I started."</p><p>-----</p><p>You do not need to have read the other parts of this series.</p><p>Chapter Thirty-six: Kylo would argue that it should be tagged "<em>Appropriate</em> Use Of The Force".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Between Your Normal and Mine

**Author's Note:**

> This series is being posted in a non-linear way, so the reading order isn't particularly important. Eventually, all of the main chapters will be in chronological order if you read the series in the order of "Horizons", "Stars", and "You and Me", with "Words" coming somewhere before chapter 10 of "You and Me". This will not be the publishing order at all, so, you know, have fun.
> 
> This means that some people will figure out THE PLOT TWIST before others. If you figure it out, please don't spoil it in the comments. Come yell at me over message on my tumblr: ofcorsetstrash.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Kylo Ren met General Hux, the first coherent thought he had with words attached was essentially 'Oh NO, I'm DOOMED."
> 
> edit: 2/14/16 happy valentine's day here's two words of dialogue that were needed, apparently, by my brain, now that I have a better picture of what Luke's character arc really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Emperor has been expecting you.”
> 
> “I know, Father.”
> 
> Vader’s mask was unreadable. It betrayed nothing. “So you have finally accepted the truth.”
> 
> “I have accepted the truth that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father.” Luke took a deep breath, steeling himself for the answer. “Have you?”

The first time General Hux received orders from the Supreme Leader that he was to work with one of the Knights of Ren, Kylo Ren, to be specific, Snoke gave him no warning about what to expect.

 

This is how Hux was sure that Snoke did, in fact, have a sense of humor. Or, perhaps, just a sense of sadism.

 

Kylo Ren made a rather powerful first impression on the  _ Finalizer,  _ all sweeping dark robes smelling of blood and trailing smoke and deep mechanical words dripping from behind a dark mask.

 

The illusion lasted about thirteen minutes and twenty-nine seconds.

 

The Knight’s shuttle landed in the hangar. Hux had made sure that the ranks of troopers were immaculate, that every uniform was pressed and neat (he’d examined all of them himself in the twenty-nine minutes he had before Kylo Ren’s shuttle arrived). After all, he wanted to make sure that Snoke’s protege had nothing amiss to report to the Supreme Leader. Except, perhaps, that the budget for starch and boot-polish could be increased by a small degree. 

 

The shuttle door hissed open, the ramp lowering, and through the steam loomed a dark figure.

 

Hux, much to his own surprise, had to take a steadying breath. Now was not the time to be… intimidated. Yes. That was the word.

 

_ Later, much later, Hux feels a little cheated. He should have known, somehow. He should have felt something when he first stood in Kylo’s presence. Perhaps the sensation was buried, the feeling of his soul drumming in his veins masked in Kylo’s heavy, reverberating footsteps. _

 

Black and chrome mask and long robes wrapped around the Knight, calling to Hux’s mind a burial shroud, of all things. Something to wrap a corpse in before it was burned or buried.

 

Kylo Ren walked with powerful strides up to Hux, managing to stop just far enough away that Hux felt uncomfortable. He couldn’t tell if he should use his one-on-one speaking voice or if he should project his voice just a little further and be heard by more than just the nearest officers.

 

“Greetings, Lord Kylo Ren,” Hux said with a sharp nod of the head. He supposed it was fine if the troopers on the first few rows heard his words. “And welcome aboard the  _ Finalizer. _ ”

 

Lord Ren nodded slowly in acceptance of Hux’s invitation.

 

_ (Much, much later: No, Hux. I wasn’t nodding. I barely even heard you.  _

 

_ What were you doing, then? _

 

_ Checking you out. _

 

_ What?) _

 

Given the lofty status of the newcomer, Hux led him through the ship himself. If he and Ren were to be working together, it was best to establish a sense of, if not camaraderie, then at least familiarity.

 

Hux showed him the training areas, the command bridge, the mess hall, the officers’ lounge rooms. Snoke’s insistence that the Finalizer retain quarters for his “representatives” made more sense, now. As Hux led Ren into what would serve as his quarters, the Knight stopped in the doorway, seeming to cast his gaze around the rooms. For a moment, Hux thought he would remove the helmet; it looked rather heavy and uncomfortable, but Ren made no move to take it off.

 

“Droids will bring your things from the shuttle-”

 

“There is nothing of mine in the shuttle,” Ren interrupted. “I have few material possessions. They are unnecessary.”

 

Ren had a strange manner of speaking, emphasizing words in a pattern that Hux couldn’t yet figure out. The way he said ‘possessions’ in particular sent a shiver down Hux’s spine. Ren had been very quiet during most of the tour, only speaking to comment on or ask questions about the technical specs of the  _ Finalizer. _ This was the first time he had said anything about himself.

 

“Very well,” Hux said.

 

“Where are your quarters?”

 

Hux wasn’t sure why Ren was asking, but he saw no harm in answering. Ren could find out easily enough from another source. “Just down the hall and around the corner starboard from here.”

 

“Thank you… General.”

 

There it was again. That way of speaking Ren had, like he was tasting and savoring every phoneme of the word ‘General’.

 

“I trust that you find everything satisfactory?”

 

Ren hesitated approximately four seconds longer than usual for standard human social interaction. “Yes,” he said finally. “I am sure I won’t be… unsatisfied.”

 

The Knight turned to walk back out into the hallway. His hands flicked out the edge of his cloak, and Hux barely had time to register the motion as a little over-the-top before Kylo Ren tripped over his own long robes and fell flat on his face, sprawled in the hallway like a spindly-limbed juvenile creature just learning to walk and surprised that things weren’t going as intended.

 

Ren made a noise that filtered through the mask as somewhere between a growl and a hiss, then began the laborious production of climbing back to his feet. Once he was finally there, he faced Hux once again. Or at least the mask did.

 

“The legs are new.”

 

Hux blinked. “Excuse me?”

 

“The legs. They are new. My species sheds their limbs and regrows them every five years.”

 

“You aren’t human?”

  
That was the first time Hux ever heard Ren laugh. It was a rare enough event that Hux remembered it for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vader turned away slightly. “That name… has no meaning, now.”
> 
> Luke pressed forward. “It is the name of your true self.”
> 
> He watched as Vader’s presence seemed to almost shrink into itself. “What do you know of names, Luke? Names are simply… clothing.”
> 
> “Clothing?”
> 
> “Yes. We wear the ones most appropriate for us at the time, and with certain people. Or should I call you by a name other than Luke? Perhaps I should call you Walking Star Child?”


	2. Between Your Air and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Kylo have their first argument. Kylo Ren delivers his first monologue on Darth Vader. Hux barely notices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “A ship.”
> 
> The image in Anakin’s mind changed.
> 
> “A cup.”
> 
> It changed again.
> 
> “A ship.”
> 
> Again.
> 
> “A speeder.”
> 
> The test was almost absurdly easy, but Anakin saw the two Jedi Masters exchange a significant look.
> 
> “How feel you?” asked Master Yoda.
> 
> Anakin considered his answer. “Cold, sir.” It was true. Desert nights could get very cold, even far below freezing, without moisture in the air to keep heat from the day near the ground. This cold, though, felt internal, somehow. He resisted the urge to reach out for his mother with his mind. In a room full of Jedi Masters, someone would likely notice.
> 
> “Afraid, are you?”
> 
> “No, sir.”
> 
> “See through you, we can.”
> 
> Anakin doubted that was completely true. If it were, he wouldn’t be here.
> 
> “Be mindful of your feelings,” said Master Windu. Whatever.

The first two months that Kylo Ren was aboard the  _ Finalizer _ were rather quiet. It didn’t seem that way to Hux at the time, but hindsight is always clearer.

 

In fact, there were only a handful of incidents that hinted at the insanity that Hux’s life was about to nosedive into.

 

For instance, about a week after Ren’s arrival, Hux was walking down a wide, busy corridor with Captain Phasma. She was debriefing him on the latest training simulation run when suddenly in the hall in front of them a vent cover was blown off the wall near the ceiling, bounced off the opposite wall, and nearly hit an unlucky stormtrooper, who pulled his blaster out and aimed it at the offending piece of durasteel.

 

Everyone else, in the meantime, was staring up at the vent, where a black mask lined with chrome was slithering out, attached to the rest of a very gangly, long torso and set of arms clad in black. Stunned, Hux could only watch as Ren braced his hands on either side of the vent and heaved the rest of himself through with a considerable amount of effort. For a moment, it looked as though Ren would miraculously land on his feet with feline agility, however he had neglected to make sure his cloak was completely free of the vent. The material snagged on a corner, sending Ren tumbling nearly to the floor, his upper torso held suspended by the rough fabric. With an alarming amount of contortion, Ren finally righted himself, his stance imposing as he looked over towards Hux.

 

“The ventilation shafts are too large.”

 

Hux forced his brain to try and understand what was happening. It failed. “Excuse me?”

 

Without looking away from Hux, Ren reached up and attempted to pull his cloak free of the hole in the wall. “The ventilation shafts are far larger than regulation, General. There should be no openings larger than-”

 

“I know what the regulations are, Lord Ren,” Hux interrupted. “The engineers determined that for a ship carrying this many people the vents needed to be-”

 

“And will the engineers take responsibility when the enemy infiltrates the ship through their spacious ventilation system?” Ren was pulling harder on the cloak, now, leaning his weight on it. There was a sound of tearing fabric, but Ren was still stuck. “Back in the days of the Empire, Darth Vader imposed a regulation constricting air vent passageways after the Battle of Yavin, but people are so quick to forget the lessons of the past… At least the engineers could have designed for there to be several smaller shafts…”

 

“Which would cost more money, Lord Ren. The First Order does, in fact, have a constraint on funds-”

 

“You can tell the Supreme Leader that the  _ budget _ kept you from winning the war, General Hux, when he summons you before him to explain your failure. That the  _ budget _ allowed the enemy to penetrate your defences.” Ren braced a foot on the wall and pulled with all of his strength. Fabric ripped further, and metal groaned, but Ren still could not escape. The snappish remark on failure would have been more barbed, Hux thought, had they been in any other situation.

 

The Knight finally stood straight up, his shoulders back and his head high. The mask turned to the nearest trooper. “Step back.”

 

Obedient, the trooper backed away until he ran into one of his fellows.

 

In one swift, incongruously elegant movement, Ren pulled something from his belt, igniting a blade of red light in his hand. In the same fluid motion, he swung the blade through the cloak, freeing himself, spinning away from the wall, and walking off down the corridor, his stride long and graceful. Half his cloak was still hanging from the vent, the rough fabric charred and smoking.

  
A few seconds later, the fire alarm went off.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Your thoughts dwell on your mother.”
> 
> Of course they did. Anakin had spent his whole life only trusting and knowing one person, who was now light-years away. “I miss her.”
> 
> “Afraid to lose her, I think. Hmm?” Yoda had a strange way of speaking, but Anakin found he rather liked it.
> 
> Anakin puzzled over what they were saying. “What’s that got to do with anything?” 
> 
> “Everything.”
> 
> Was missing one’s mother so much not a normal human trait? Shmi had often told him that the Viem felt things more deeply than other sentients. Maybe the Jedi had noticed? A shock of fear ran through Anakin. If they noticed, if the sisters were discovered…
> 
> Yoda went on, as if he were tugging at Anakin’s fear, pulling it out to be seen. “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate… leads to suffering.”
> 
> Well, that was probably true. Anakin was definitely starting to feel some anger at the condescending looks the old Masters were giving him.
> 
> “I sense much fear in you.”


	3. Between Your Path and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literal abs of steel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan looked nervous, the emotion carefully contained by his Jedi training, but not enough to keep Anakin from picking up on it.
> 
> “Anakin,” Obi-Wan said quietly. “May I...talk to you about something a bit… private? And personal?”
> 
> A flash of fear flickered through Anakin. “Yes,” he said slowly. “We… you and I are… going to be together a lot, right?”
> 
> Obi-Wan smiled, but he still seemed uneasy. “Anakin, do you remember… when Master… when Qui-Gon Jinn first met you, he tested your blood?”
> 
> Anakin took a deep breath and found a calm place in his mind. “Yes,” he said.
> 
> Obi-Wan fidgeted a little with his sleeve. “I… I’m the one that ran the test, and I… noticed something different in your blood. Something I didn't ever tell Master Qui-Gon about, because I wanted to talk to you about it first. It’s… something I didn't expect to find in your genetic code...”
> 
> Anakin felt a panic crawl up his shoulder blades. Obi-Wan _knew._ He's been caught so easily… mother would be so disappointed. Maybe the Jedi would put him in a lab and experiment on him. Would mother have to come rescue him? Would she kill all the Jedi to save him? He hoped not; there were several of them he liked.
> 
> “I...ah…” Obi-Wan rubbed at his neck nervously. “I went and found some books in the Archives…”
> 
> “Some books in the Archives?” Anakin couldn't help the fear leaking into his voice. So the Jedi did have old records of-
> 
> “It’s actually more common than I thought,” Obi-Wan continued, his voice higher pitched than earlier, as if straining to reassure both Anakin and himself. “One source said that as many as point-nine percent of the human population throughout the galaxy-”
> 
> That...sounded wrong. Anakin frowned. According to his mother, there were less than two hundred sisters scattered across the stars. And only the pair of them, Shmi and Anakin, were awake.
> 
> “Wait,” Anakin said. “What… what are you talking about?”
> 
> Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, his face turning a little bit pink as he cleared his throat. “Ah…” He looked incredibly embarrassed. “When I… ah… analyzed your blood… you.  
> .. don’t have a Y chromosome.”
> 
> Among several other normal human genetic markers, Anakin was sure. For some reason, though, Obi-Wan was fixated on this one. “And?” Anakin said slowly, a look of confusion overtaking his face.
> 
> Obi-Wan looked a bit lost. “I just… wanted you to know that if there's ever anything you want to talk about, or anything I can help you with… I'm here for you. You're my padawan, now, and it’s my job to take care of you, no matter what.”
> 
> Anakin combed back through his memories, all the reading he had done. He's been less interested in human biology and had read far more on their cultures and sociology… but he had read one old volume on the subject one hot afternoon. He replayed the chapter about genetics across his mindscape.
> 
> “Oh,” Anakin said. “No Y chromosome would mean indicate someone being biologically female.”
> 
> Obi-Wan turned bright red, and Anakin couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face.

Matt the Radar Technician set his tray of food down on the table and seated himself. The process of getting his gangly legs and arms all arranged was lengthy, but eventually he was comfortable as he could manage and grinned at the people around him.

 

“Hey, guys,” he waved with his most charming smile on. The table’s occupants responded with greetings of their own.

 

Kylo rather liked this persona, this Matt. He was terrified of showing his face as Kylo Ren, after so many years of hiding himself behind a mask, but never ever taking the thing off outside his rooms had been starting to get really old. The wig and glasses were a nice compromise.

 

Plus, he got to gossip with stormtroopers.

 

“Did you hear about Therinbar? Three whole rathtars at once!”

 

Stormtroopers gossiped more than anyone. Kylo rather enjoyed talking with them. He always had.

 

“For _how_ many credits?”

 

“Careful. That mission went totally to Hoth.”

 

“Starkiller is haunted, you know. Construction crew go missing, tools aren't where they were left. Doors open and shut on their own. Footsteps echo down empty hallways…”

 

Another trooper leaned over to join the conversation. “I heard that it’s the ghost of the 501st. Darth Vader himself walks these halls…”

 

Kylo snorted into his protein paste.

 

All the troopers and technicians stared at him. Honestly. People who said Force-users were backwards and superstitious had obviously never eaten a meal with a bunch of stormtroopers.

 

“Well,” Kylo said with a grin, rolling his eyes and shrugging. “I just think that if someone as _awesome_ as Darth Vader was stalking around Starkiller, he’d probably do more than bang around in vents and move people's datapads when they weren’t looking.” He leaned back in his chair and almost tipped over before he caught himself in a flailing of limbs. “You know, I heard that Darth Vader had a eight-pack. That Darth Vader was shredded.”

 

He was met with several confused stares. “I thought Darth Vader was a cyborg,” one trooper ventured in an attempt to swim back to sanity.

 

Kylo grinned. “He was. His eight-pack was made of durasteel. You could _literally_ shred things on Darth Vader’s abs. Like cheese.”

 

“What's cheese?”

 

“It’s a fungus that grows on the moon of Endor. Very delicious.”

 

On the other side of the mess hall, there was a change in the usual motions of the people coming and going, and soon Kylo got to see why. General Hux himself was striding into the room, the sleeves of his greatcoat dangling empty while his arms were crossed in front of him, a wall from over which he peered at those below him. Like a land baron overseeing the peasants. The man looked like he sucked on falamin in his downtime, his face was so sour and cold. Every red strand of hair was in exactly the place it was supposed to be.

 

Kylo really really hated the fact that he was absolutely certain that Hux was his other soul. Almost without noticing, Kylo raised his fingers and traced over his heart, where Hux’s name had once been in his skin, before it was burned away with Kylo’s former identity.

 

One of the troopers, FN-2187, was giving Kylo a _look._ A look like he could see more of Kylo than Kylo wanted him to. Quickly, Kylo dropped his hand to his lunch-tray and nodded at Hux. “How do you think he manages to walk with that Star-Destroyer up his ass?”

  
From the way the troopers all looked at him, Kylo might as well have insulted their mothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han smirked in that cocky way he had. “I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight.”
> 
> Leia rolled her eyes so hard Luke worried for a moment that they would fall out of her head. “I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain.”
> 
> Chewie and Luke both laughed. Han shot them both a sharp look, but Luke could tell he was enjoying himself.
> 
> “Laugh it up, fuzzball, but you didn't see us alone in the south passage.” He grinned. “Leia expressed her true feelings for me.”
> 
> Leia’s face went red, eyes darting between Luke and Han. Luke thought about telling Han to back off a little. She wasn’t used to quite this much teasing.
> 
> “My...!” Leia sputtered a bit. “Why, you stuck up... half-witted... scruffy-looking ...nerf-herder!”
> 
>  
> 
> Han frowned. “Who's scruffy-looking?” He turned to Luke and shrugged nonchalantly. “I must have hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Yeah, Solo,” Leia said in a sickeningly sweet voice. “You _really_ know your way around a woman’s heart, don’t you.”
> 
>  
> 
> _Luke, may I borrow you for a second?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Yes. For wha-_
> 
>  
> 
> _To prove a point. Sorry for this._
> 
>  
> 
> She leaned over and kissed Luke, her lips thinned out in a smile that only Luke knew was there. Much to Luke’s dismay, she seemed intent on putting on a show complete with throaty moan and fluttering eyelashes. Leia pulled back, and with a satisfied nod she turned on her heel and walked out, her head held high.
> 
>  
> 
> _And try not to look like I just stabbed you. Pretend that you actually enjoyed that?_
> 
>  
> 
> _As you wish, dearest sister of mine._
> 
>  
> 
> _Shut up, Luke._
> 
>  
> 
> The cheeky grin on Luke’s face as he looked over at Han was entirely genuine.


	4. Between Your Blood and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Incident Report

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _My fear made me cruel. Yet I am not one who takes joy in wounding._
> 
>  
> 
> _Can you hear me?_
> 
>  
> 
> _...Or have you forgotten me?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Know this, that the earth longs to kiss at your bare feet, and the wind longs to play with your hair._

**Incident Report**

**Form 20N**

Date of Incident: 08.10.0030ABY

Submitted to C.O.: General H. M. Hux

Location of Incident: Nembus Sector, Breago System: coordinates 472^91 (1006)

 

Brief Description of Incident: Stormtrooper TR-1152 was receiving emergency medical attention for a broken clavicle sustained during firefight with ground-troops at above coordinates. Trooper was barely conscious and babbling incoherent nonsense, mostly about some sort of monster and a light. He had been with the advance team that had gone with Lord Kylo Ren.

 

Lord Ren rounded the corner of the building, stepping into TR-1152’s line of vision. As soon as he saw Lord Ren, the trooper began to panic, mindlessly thrashing and screaming about how Lord Ren was a monster. He begged me to shoot and kill Lord Ren before Lord Ren could kill us. As Lord Ren approached, he called out and raised his hand. TR-1152 seemed to perceive this as an immediate threat, and drew his blaster. I assumed that he intended to fire on Lord Ren, so moved to draw my own weapon and ordered him to stand down. Before I, the med team, or Lord Ren could react, trooper TR-1152 aimed his blaster at his own head and shot himself.

 

Reported by: Captain J. Balera Phasma

Verified/Witnessed by: Dr. Minon Landry M. S.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hux stared at the report, then up at Phasma. He wasn’t about to insult her by asking her if the report was accurate, but he just couldn’t seem to figure out why such a thing would occur.

“Where is Ren now?” he asked instead.

Phasma stood a little straighter. “Lord Ren said very little on the return trip except to give a very brief apology for the loss of my trooper. Once we returned to the  _ Finalizer _ I saw him head in the direction of the training rooms.”

“Thank you, Phasma. You are dismissed.”

She gave a sharp salute and marched out of Hux’s office. He read the report again, and then one more time. He pulled up TR-1152’s file and read it again. There was no history of any kind of mental instability, no underlying weakness that could have been triggered by anything encountered on a normal battlefield. At least, not that the training program had been able to pick up.

What had Ren done?

Hux made his way quickly to the training rooms, the hallways growing more and more deserted, and it wasn’t difficult to tell why. The screams of rage echoing from one room in particular were horrific, like someone was being brutally tortured. Steeling himself, Hux activated the door and let himself in.

The room was a disaster, various pieces of training droids scattered smoking around the edges of the room. Ren stood in the center, lightsaber shaking in his grip, his head bowed as his breathing rattled through Hux’s brain.

“Ren,” Hux called out. “What do you think you are doing? Do you have any idea how much these droids cost?”

There was no response except that the tip of Ren’s lightsaber trembled a bit more violently.

“Ren!” Hux barked, his voice sharp with command.

The Knight’s head snapped up, the red of his saber glinting off his mask, giving him the appearance of having two burning red eyes.

They both stood silent for a moment, before Ren shifted his weight a bit. “Yes, General?” His voice was cold.

Hux used the feeling in his stomach to make his words harsh. “I received word that a trooper killed himself on this latest mission.”

Ren rolled his shoulders, and swung his saber at the floor, sending sparks skittering over to Hux’s boots. “Phasma’s report is accurate. I have nothing further to add.”

“Really?” Hux sneered. “A man kills himself to get away from you and you have nothing further to add? I didn’t even know you were gone before you returned and I got Phasma’s report. What were you doing?”

Ren shrugged again, his stance growing smaller and more defensive. “I received word,” he growled. “That a piece of the map I seek was to be found there.”

“And did you find it?”

Ren hesitated. “The map  _ was _ there…” He straightened himself, and then walked over towards Hux, his gait slow and measured, as if he were stalking prey. For a moment he stood just out of Hux’s reach, just tall enough that Hux had to look up at him. They watched each other for a moment. Hux wondered what Ren was looking for. “My apologies, General,” Ren finally said, his voice low. “I… was careless.”

“What the hell happened, Ren?” Hux demanded. He could feel his own hands shaking in the pockets of his coat.

  
Kylo Ren looked down at the ground, and then back up at Hux. “He saw me as I really am, General.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren walked into his quarters, closed the door, and sank down onto the floor, where he did his best to make himself as small as he felt, clawing the helmet from his head to breath deeply of unfiltered air.

What had he been thinking? Sure, he wasn’t always the best at planning things, but he’d thought that he could handle this. Today had shown that maybe he wasn’t as ready as he had hoped.

The instant he had heard the other Knights of Ren talk about General Hux, Kylo had  _ known. _ The nickname the Knights had given Hux was the name that Kylo had been born with in his skin, carved into his soul. He’d known before they’d even met that Hux was his other soul, but had accepted the Supreme Leader’s assignment anyway.

Kylo had loved before. He’d even killed people he’d loved. He thought that a soulmate would be the same kind of feeling, only stronger, somehow. How wrong he’d been.

He looked up, his eyes searching out the stand in the corner. The box had finally reached the Finalizer, hidden in a shipment of droid components. The one tie to the past that Kylo, weak as he was, allowed himself. The warped, distorted helmet gazed back at him through the shadows. 

“What would you have done?”

He hadn’t meant to ask that. It was a foolish question, one he already knew the answer to. Darth Vader had been incredibly powerful in many ways, but his deep connections, his undying sentiment and attachment to people had mislead him, controlled him, caused him to destroy things he hadn’t meant to destroy.

There was far too much on the line, now. Kylo could not afford to make those mistakes. He had to let go. He _had_ to _make_ himself let go of his fledgeling desire for the red-haired General.

Why was it already so difficult?

_ Because he makes you want to be better. _

Bile rose in Kylo’s throat at the sound of the voice in his head. It had been more than two years since that voice had last spoken to him. Or maybe three. Kylo had been enjoying the silence.

Sometimes Ben talked an awful lot for someone who was dead.

_ You want to be better. To be enough. To somehow be deserving, worthy. _

“Shut up,” Kylo whispered, feeling himself start to fragment, the rage building up hotter and hotter, blinding him.

_ Or is it… because he makes you think of me? _

“Leave me alone!” Kylo roared into the gloom, fury making it hard to breathe right; he was suffocating, choking on it. “You have nothing to do with this!”

_ Wrong. You dragged me into this. I didn’t want this. For either of us. _

“Stop! Talking!”

_ It’s alright, though. I forgave you long ago. _

  
Kylo could feel the flesh in his throat tearing from the scream that escaped him as he threw his helmet into the mirror in the refresher. The glass cracked, but didn’t fall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wild and golden, Ben grinned at Leia, his mouth wide and gap-toothed. The firelight glimmered in his eyes, his hair. Leia had never seen a child so beautiful; her whole being belonged to him. She had danced with him around the fire, laughing as he tossed sticks and handfuls of dry leaves in, prodding at the flames with a branch until the end smouldered and she told him to just toss the whole thing in to burn.
> 
> The night on Yavin Four was warm, sparks from the fire rising to mingle among the stars. Leia tipped her head back and listened as the sisters delighted with her over little Ben. They had watched him through her eyes as he played in the golden orange flicker-light. Walking Fire Child, they called him. It felt right.
> 
> Han wasn’t there. He rarely was, though he said he really was going to try, this time.
> 
> Luke wasn’t there, either, though he genuinely had tried.
> 
> Kylo was there. He often was, watching from the shadows. Leia did her best to ignore him, to pretend she didn’t notice him. Ben didn’t know he was there. Not yet.


	5. Between Your Hands and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux cannot decide which is worse: Ren when he is sulking or Ren when he isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia really, really, really had no idea where to look. She was glad of the bounty hunter mask. It hid her blush perfectly.
> 
>  _You think_ you’re _embarrassed? Get me out of here!_
> 
> Leia rolled her eyes. _This is what you get for charging into this horrible, smelly place without a plan!_
> 
> Jabba’s interpreter was talking, but Leia knew Huttese rather well. She was using the time for interpretation to come up with a plan. A better plan. Her plan had been to save Han first, and then get Luke out of the ridiculous mess he’d gotten himself into, but she couldn’t deal with her twin brother lounging around in that… suggestion… for any longer than he needed to. Han had been frozen for a year. He could handle another hour or so.
> 
> _Is that any way to think of your soulmate?_
> 
> _We don’t know for sure if he’s my soulmate._
> 
> In the end, it all worked out alright. Everyone who needed saving was saved, and everyone who needed murdering was murdered. And Luke would probably recover from the emotional scarring real quick once he got some real clothes on. He even killed someone for the first time! Leia was very proud.
> 
> She never stopped bragging to anyone who would listen about how awesome Luke looked when he strangled Jabba to death with his own chains.
> 
> “You were incredible!” she gushed. “Muscles all oiled and flexed, biceps bulging… well, what biceps you have on those skinny arms.”
> 
> “Thanks, Leia.”
> 
> The best part was how Han would sulk every time she talked about it. She was glad that Luke agreed to keep their sibling relationship secret. It was totally worth it.

After the incident, Kylo Ren spiraled into what Hux could only describe as a fugue of self-loathing that involved a great deal of property damage. His outbursts were incredibly violent, and Hux got to witness first-hand the truth to the stories about Force-users who could crush a man’s throat from across a room with a gesture.

 

No one died. Hux wasn’t sure if that was because Ren actually did retain a small modicum of control, or if there were a higher power protecting the troops. Both seemed equally unlikely.

 

When Ren walked the halls, people did their absolute best to defer to him without actually drawing his attention. One trooper had tried to run the other way. No one dared after the first attempt.

The worst part for Hux was oddly enough not the damage to equipment and morale, but the damage to his own psyche from being so near Ren’s quarters. Everyone else could maintain some distance from the Knight, but Hux had to walk past that door at least twice a day. And every time he did, he could hear Ren talking, or sometimes screaming or crying. Ren would pause, as if listening to a response, and then continue, the words never clear but the emotions certainly were.

 

Sometimes, Hux heard a name.  Ben.

 

Once, when Hux could hear Ren weeping, he heard the Knight call out for his mother. Hux had never been so unsettled in his life.

 

“This cannot continue,” snarled Hux, fighting back the urge to run a hand through his hair and settled for digging his nails into his palms and grinding his teeth together. “He’s been at this for three weeks!”

 

“Sir,” said Phasma. She had mastered the word. It could mean anything she wanted it to. In this case, it was agreement.

 

“How is morale among the troopers?”

 

Phasma checked both ways in the mostly-empty corridor. “They have stopped bragging about riling him up, and they have stopped making up stories about the frightening things they’ve seen him do.”

 

Hux grimaced. “That bad?”

 

“There’s always been gossip about what he looks like under the mask, about who and what he is. Now they whisper.”

 

Hux took a deep breath. “This cannot continue,” he repeated. “How can we succeed with two temperamental, tantrum-prone commanders?”

 

“Sir?”

 

“I’m a highly emotional person, Phasma.”

 

“Sir.”

 

“I just control myself.”

 

“Sir.”

 

“You are lucky that I like you, Phasma.”

 

“Sir.”

 

The durasteel walls shook. Raucous, maniacal laughter boomed down the corridor, crackling through a sound-altering device. Hux nearly bit his tongue to keep from taking back his earlier words. Perhaps Ren’s depression wasn’t so bad, if his mania was going to involve such a horrific noise.

 

With long strides, Ren walked with his arm around the shoulders of a stormtrooper who had to take two steps for one of Ren’s. 

 

“General Hux!” Ren called out, his voice bright and terrible. “And Captain Phasma! It’s so good to see both of you!”

 

Hux knew he was most likely projecting his own imaginings, but the black and white face of the poor trooper’s helmet looked terrified. “G-General,” they stuttered. “C-C-Captain.” They tried to salute as best they could while being practically held in a head-lock by Ren.

 

“Hux, this is my new best friend!” Ren stated, his demeanor reminding Hux of a child proud of his accomplishments. “Oh… wait. Sorry, Phasma. You and I can still be really good friends, right?”

 

Phasma nodded slowly. “Of course, Lord Ren.”

 

“Oh,  _ good. _ ” Ren aimed his mask at Hux. “Don’t worry, Hux. Someday you’ll make a friend. Come on, FN-2187!”

 

“My Lord Ren,” Phasma interjected. “I’m afraid that FN-2187 is required in the sanitation division at this moment. Perhaps the two of you will be able to strengthen your friendship at a later time.”

 

Ren’s mask crackled. “Kriffing banthas,” he muttered, letting go of the stormtrooper. “Oh, well. I’ll see you later, FN-2187!” He hesitated. “That’s a lot of syllables. Can I call you something else? Eight-seven… I’ll call you Sven! Good-bye, Sven!”

 

And with that, Ren was walking away, and Hux was left trying to piece his brain back together.

 

The stormtrooper leaned ever so slightly towards Phasma. “Thank you, mom,” they whispered.

 

“Report to sanitation and don’t _ ever _ mention this again.” Phasma straightened her shoulders. “And have whoever taught you the word ‘mom’ report to reconditioning.”

 

“Yes, Captain.” FN-2187 snapped off a smart salute and managed to march away without looking like they were fleeing.

 

Hux glanced his chronometer. He was still scheduled for forty-nine more minutes of duty. Still. He was only human.

 

“Captain Phasma,” he said.

 

“Sir.”

 

“I will be in my quarters, breaking at least three galactic inebriation laws. I am not to be disturbed unless there is a true emergency.”

  
“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Anakin?”
> 
> “Yeah? I mean… yes, Master?”
> 
> “Where did you leave the speeder?”
> 
> “Ah… which speeder?”
> 
> “Oh, you know, the one we came here on?”
> 
> “Oh, _that_ speeder! Why didn’t you say so?”
> 
> “Anakin…”
> 
> “It… ah… malfunctioned. A little bit.”
> 
> “Really? Just a little bit?”
> 
> “There may have been a minor, very minor, um, explosion.”
> 
> “I see.”
> 
> “I did everything I could to save it.”
> 
> “I believe you, Anakin.”
> 
> “It is only thanks to my skills as a pilot and the Force that I was able to survive.”
> 
> “Of course.”
> 
> “You should be very proud of me.”
> 
> “I’m sure I will be.”
> 
> “And I found this really pretty flower! Do you like it? Do you think Padme would like it?”
> 
> “Anakin, did you find that growing next to water?”
> 
> “Yes. Why?”
> 
> “Because I’m fairly certain that that flower is arrow-root windlily. It’s highly poisonous, even to touch.”
> 
> “Oh. I probably shouldn’t have taken my glove off to pick it, then.”
> 
> “You’ll probably survive, Anakin. I have no idea how or why, but you probably will.”


	6. Between Your Cards and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux made a note in Ren's personnel file: Never ever was Kylo Ren to ever be present for another negotiation meeting with anyone from the Resistance. Ever.
> 
> (This is the chapter that people may start to notice that certain characters aren't quite exactly the same as they are in canon. It will all be explained, don't worry. Also, I edited the first chapter of Between Horizons bc I realized that I forgot poor Obi-Wan?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s go.”
> 
> Master Qui-Gon led the way down into the sand and heat of this backwater planet they’d landed on. Obi-Wan pulled up his hood. The suns were bright, and already he could feel a headache coming on.
> 
> “Wait!” The Captain called out to them. One of the Queen’s handmaidens stood next to him, dressed in rough clothes but still managing to look prim and proper. “Her Highness commands that you take her handmaiden Padmé with you. She wishes for her to observe the local-”
> 
> “This isn’t a sight-seeing tour, Captain,” Master Qui-Gon said cooly. “This spaceport is not going to be pleasant. No more commands from the Queen, today.”
> 
> Obi-Wan saw a steely look cross the handmaiden’s face. “I’ve been trained in defence, Master Jedi. I can take care of myself.”
> 
> The Captain looked a bit distressed. “The Queen wishes it. Please don’t make me go back and tell her you refuse.”
> 
> Master Qui-Gon gave Obi-Wan a look that translated as ‘please save me from spoiled royalty’.
> 
> “I don’t have time to argue.” The Jedi looked at the girl sternly. “You will stay close to me and Obi-Wan.”
> 
> They headed out through the desert, Artoo-Detoo doing an impressive job of keeping up despite the sand. Obi-Wan noticed the handmaiden giving him a few sideways glances. He felt his face warm. He’d never been any good at talking to girls. Especially pretty ones.
> 
> “Your name is Obi-Wan?” she asked, her expression guileless.
> 
> “Yes.”
> 
> When it became clear that he wasn’t going to say anything else, the girl sighed. “My name is Padmé.”
> 
> They walked several more yards in silence. Obi-Wan’s brain was screaming at him to say something, so he opened his mouth and prayed to the Force that he wouldn’t sound like a complete idiot.
> 
> “I like your hair.”
> 
> Well, it had been a good dream.
> 
> Padmé giggled. “I like your hair, too. What do you call that color? I’ve never seen it before.”
> 
> “Um. Auburn.”
> 
> “Does anyone ever call you Ben?”
> 
> “No?” Obi-Wan wasn’t sure why it sounded like a question. It wasn’t. No one had ever called him Ben.
> 
> “Well, maybe they should.”

Hux sneezed. He hated going planetside when all the flora seemed intent on reproduction. It was hell on his sinuses. Still, this was where the negotiations were to take place, on this neutral planet in this field that stretched for several kilometers. Plenty of open space, nowhere for either side to set up an ambush. This should go smoothly.

 

Except…

 

Hux felt Kylo tense next to him. “She’s here,” he rasped through the vocoder. “I thought you said this negotiation was only going to be with some mid-level Resistance fighters.”

 

Hux felt his eyebrows lower in a glare. “It is. Who’s here?”

 

“No one. That is… I’ll let you know if it becomes important.”

 

“That wasn’t terribly convincing.”

 

“If we die, I just want you to know that… I hate sand.”

 

“I’ll make sure to bury your corpse in it, then.”

 

“Maybe I just… won’t talk. It’s possible that I will remain… anonymous as long as I don’t say anything.”

 

Hux glanced at him. “That would be a miracle. I won’t hold my breath.”

 

“I might hold mine.”

 

Hux strode out into the field away from the ships, Ren just behind his right shoulder, oddly silent, and five more officers with them. From the opposite side came several figures in Resistance flight uniforms, the grass brushing at their knees. The young man in the lead, who Hux knew as Captain Poe Dameron, walked with a confidence that Hux really didn’t think was genuine, but looked good on him anyway. The woman closest to him was unfamiliar to Hux. She was rather pretty, in a sharp way. There was an electric kind of intelligence in her eyes, and she seemed intent on observing all of her surroundings with the eye of an experienced fighter, though she held no weapons, only a datapad and stylus. She had unusual hair. Hux made the mental note that Core World fashion must now include two-toned hair, black and gold, which the young woman kept in a braid coiled around her head.

 

Hux happened to be looking at her when she seemed to finally get a good look at Ren. In rapid succession, Hux watched the young woman’s expression shift from confusion to surprise to pain and sadness before it settled into a scathing glare that looked like it could take paint off a speeder. It was Hux’s guess that she did, in fact, know Ren from somewhere. So much for Ren’s hope of ‘anonymity’.

 

“Evening, General,” said Captain Dameron with a nod as they drew close enough to speak. “I’m Captain Poe Dameron. This is my aide, Alie.” He gestured at the young woman who tipped her head respectfully.

 

“Greetings, Captain,” Hux returned. “You are aware of my identity.”

 

“Yes.” Dameron smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m afraid, though, that I don’t know your…” Hux saw Dameron’s eyes scan over Ren in an insulting manner. “Discount Darth Vader.”

 

The following silence was punctuated only by the soft sound of Alie lowering her head into one of her hands and letting out a small sigh.

 

Much to Hux’s surprise, Ren said nothing, and did not move. Almost as if he really were capable of self-control. “Then may I introduce Lord Kylo Ren of the Knights of Ren.”  _ Ren, for the sake of the galaxy, don’t say anything… _

 

There are few constant and absolute truths in reality, Hux had learned. Change is inevitable. Death can come to anyone, anywhere, at anytime. People, as a whole, are foolish and need strong leadership to avoid self-destruction.

 

If Kylo Ren can say something idiotic, he will.

 

“Captain Dameron,” that cold voice hissed. “During this conversation, I could have killed you at  _ least _ three times.”

 

Hux glanced at Dameron’s aide. She still hid behind her hand and now her datapad, but the top of her forehead and the tips of her ears were turning bright red.

 

Dameron grinned. “What a coincidence, because during this conversation I could have groped you at least  _ five _ times.”

 

Ren moved very little, the helmet turning slightly to look at Alie for a moment. She was looking away, suddenly intent on memorizing the distant treeline. Hux… was a bit lost. This was not how negotiations normally went, in his experience.

 

“Captain Dameron,” Hux said before Ren could come up with a way to respond other than staring at Dameron’s aide. “If we could complete these negotiations-”

 

“Oh, sorry,” Dameron said. “My apologies, General. I just don’t respond well to half-assed death threats.”

 

Ren made a scoffing sound. “Half-assed? I have it on good authority that I’m nearly two-thirds of an ass.”

 

Hux and Alie both made slightly strangled sounds and then stared at each other.

 

“Did you say something?” said Dameron. “It’s very difficult to understand you through all of the…” He gestured vaguely. “Apparatus.”

 

Ren looked over at Alie again. “Are you sleeping with him?”

 

The woman looked as if Ren had just asked her if she regularly bathed in poison. “No!”

 

“Are you planning on sleeping with him any time soon?”

 

Now she looked as though she very much wished that the ground would suddenly swallow her and she wouldn’t have to deal with the situation. “ _ No _ ...”

 

“Alright, then.”

 

Ren reached out and grabbed the front of Dameron’s jacket and lifted him bodily into the air in order the bring the shorter man face-to-face with himself. “Let’s go talk, Dameron. Just you and me.”

 

No one else in the party moved. Captain Dameron seemed to have gone limp in a very late self-preservation attempt, like a swamp rat in the jaws of a Jabbar. In a rather impressive display of strength, Ren carried the man with one hand over to one side of the field. They remained in sight, but were out of earshot when Ren set the Captain down and slung a falsely companionable arm around his shoulders.

 

Quietly, figuring he might as well take advantage of their absence, Hux stepped over towards Dameron’s aide. “The First Order is prepared to offer a ceasefire in the Novak region, but only if we can be certain that our activities in the Geferer and Nadal sectors will remain undisturbed.”

 

The woman seemed glad to have something else to talk about. “I’m afraid that’s impossible,” she said. “That would leave you in control of the Laina system, which is out of the question.”

 

“What if we agree to suspend activities in the Gertridge sector?”

 

Alie hesitated, then glanced over to where Ren still had Captain Dameron captive. “Give me a moment,” she said, and entered a few things into her datapad. It pinged in response, and she looked back at Hux. “Your terms are agreeable. It’s been a pleasure working with you, General.”

 

“Likewise.”

 

“Captain Dameron!” she called across the field. “I’ve finished the negotiations on your behalf! We should leave!”

 

Ren tugged Dameron closer for a few more words and then released him. They both walked back over to the group, Ren managing to look insufferably smug even with the mask and Dameron looking a bit green around the edges, like he was going to be sick.

 

“What did he say to you?” Alie asked Dameron.

 

The Captain paled. “I’m afraid that I’ve been informed that should I repeat any of that conversation, several of my favorite organs will be removed.”

 

Alie shot a death glare at Ren. “If I ever see you at one of these negotiations again…”

 

Everyone seemed to hold their breaths as she considered her threat. She grinned, and Ren wilted a little bit.

 

“I will be happy to send a personal gift to the First Order to help with negotiations in your place.”

 

Ren slumped a little. “Wait… what?”

 

“I think a well-programmed protocol droid can do wonders for meetings such as this,” she continued, a wicked light in her eyes. “I have a specific one in mind. A valuable antique, actually, with a very colorful history, as we discovered when we managed to restore its old memory files.”

 

A breath hissed in through Ren’s mask. “You  _ wouldn’t _ -”

 

“Designation C-3P0, human-cyborg relations.”

 

“You wouldn’t really-”

 

“Don’t test me on this. I don’t make idle threats.”

 

Ren’s shoulders hunched in on themselves. “Yes, my Lady.”

 

Hux looked over at Dameron, hoping for someone to tell him what was going on. But Dameron looked as lost as Hux felt.

 

“Very well,” Hux said. The negotiations had been… successful? No one had drawn any weapons other than their words, and he’d gotten what he wanted. This… had gone well, even with Ren’s dramatics. “It’s been…” Bizarre? Surreal? Entertaining? “Enlightening. Farewell, Captain Dameron, Miss Alie.”

 

Dameron gave a half-hearted wave. “Later, General Hux. Darth Tantrum.” Kylo Ren did not bother to respond. For once.

 

Walking away, Hux was still very confused. “What just happened?” he asked Ren.

 

The Knight hesitated. “Well, you got what you wanted, the Resistance got what they wanted, and I got to threaten that  _ ace pilot _ with the removal of his tonsils the long way. I count that as a good day, Hux.”

 

“And who was that woman? The two of you seemed to know each other.”

  
Ren took a deep breath in, his shoulders straightening, and then let it out slowly. “Not really.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin tried very hard to keep his smile in place as Padmé spoke of her childhood on the lake. Most of it sounded wonderful, except for the part where she described laying on the sandy beach.
> 
> “I hate sand,” he said with a shudder. “It gets everywhere. Believe me. It’s irritating, it sucks the moisture right out of your skin, and it only takes a few minutes to find its way into orifices you didn’t even know you had.”
> 
> Padmé’s smile looked a bit strained. “Oh,” she finally said. “Well, perhaps the sand on Tatooine is coarser than here. I was told once that the sand in these lakes is softer than other sand.”
> 
> “I still wouldn’t want to risk it.”
> 
> Their hands brushed together, and Anakin saw something in her mind. A dream… no… a wish. Walking along a white beach on a warm evening. Her hand held another, a strong hand calloused by a lightsaber’s grip, but gentle. Walking side by side, watching two young children play in the water, a boy and a girl. It was painful, the strength of her longing for her dream.
> 
> Padmé noticed the look on his face. "What's wrong?"
> 
> He flinched a little bit. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to read your mind. You must have been thinking very hard. Your dream is beautiful."
> 
> Her smile faded. "I guess things are more beautiful when you know they are impossible."
> 
> "Impossible?"
> 
> This time, her smile was sad. "Don't you think soulmarks are cruel? They tell you who can make you most complete, but..."
> 
> "But often we're denied what we want most."
> 
> "Especially those of us whose other souls are Jedi."


	7. Between Your Fire and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren can actually be useful sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin grinned up at Obi-Wan, soot streaked over his face. "I think that went rather well!"
> 
> Another large explosion shook the ground, a large plume of fire rising into the night sky. Obi-Wan gave Anakin a flat look.
> 
> For a moment, the young Jedi managed to look a little embarrassed. "In my defense, Ben," he said. "Those explosives were here long before I was."
> 
> Obi-Wan sighed. "I know, Anakin. Massive destruction happens everywhere you go, and yet none of it is ever _entirely_ your fault. I've simply decided to start calling it the 'Anakin Effect'. Some kind of warping of the Force around you."
> 
> "Woah, really?"
> 
> "No. Not really. You need to start taking responsibility for your actions."
> 
> "But _Ben..._ "

It was supposed to be a routine mission, but Kylo had long ago learned that even routine missions could go in very unexpected directions.

 

“Stop hovering. Stars, you’re like some kind of carrion bird, Ren, just waiting for me to keel over and stop breathing.”

 

Kylo snarled. “Well, Hux, I still think you shouldn’t have come. I sense-”

 

“A disturbance in the Force, yes,” the General sighed dismissively. “So you said earlier. Can you tell me the source of this ‘disturbance’?”

 

Kylo ground his teeth together in frustration. “No…”

 

“Then there’s nothing you or I can do about it, is there?”

 

“We could leave.”

 

“Ren,” Hux snapped. “The Resistance outpost here  _ must _ not be allowed to continue operations. We aren’t leaving.”

 

Kylo let himself growl. The General wasn’t phased, but it felt like an appropriate expression of his feelings. The fact that he didn’t  _ want _ to feel protective of the obviously indifferent Hux didn’t make the situation any easier. That was for sure, but at the back of his skull, he could feel something itching in his head. An uneasiness. A landslide waiting to fall. Kylo had trusted his instincts for a long time, and they hadn’t ever led him wrong.

 

Alright maybe, like, twice. But he figured those didn’t count. There had been other Force-users involved.

 

Holy hells, he hated the Jedi.

 

From the hilltop looking over the town, everything seemed eerie and quiet. Kylo frowned. A bit too quiet. Wasn’t this supposed to be the hub of Resistance activity in this sector?

 

Hux must have noticed it, too. He lifted his comm. “All troops proceed with caution,” he said quietly, but firmly. “Be alert for traps and possible ambushes.”

 

“You think they heard we were coming?” asked Kylo.

 

“That’s what it looks like.”

 

Kylo glanced around at the troopers near them. Something was  _ wrong _ . It didn’t feel like an ambush…

 

_ child... that walks... _

 

Kylo stopped breathing. Was that… the sisters? He glanced skyward, as if he would be able to see them there. They so rarely reached out, usually content to wait, with almost no knowledge of passing time. Somewhat guiltily, he realized that it had likely been at least five years since he last spoke with them, but there were good reasons… Like Luke. Luke had always been close with the sisters, better at communicating with them than any of the rest of the family. If Kylo spoke often with them, he had no doubt that Luke would be able to find him.

 

But now the sisters were reaching out.

 

_ Danger. _

 

_ Sky embracing Fire. _

 

A confusing reel of images. A skull of metal. Streaks of red across the expanse of space. A narrow bridge suspended in darkness. Fire. More fire. Snow.

 

“Hux!” Kylo gasped, nearly falling to his knees. “Hux! We have to go! This whole valley is about to explode!”

 

Hux whirled towards him, his face pale. “What?”

 

The valley exploded.

 

Kylo could feel everything as time seemed to slow, his Force-enhanced reflexes taking over. He reached out, grabbed Hux by the arm, (appreciated the wiry, compact muscles he felt) and threw the General back behind him. The thought that he would have to make it up to Hux later crossed his mind as he threw his arms out, his hands spread wide as if he were going to use his physical body to catch the blast. 

 

Kylo nearly laughed. Sky embracing fire? The sisters must have a sense of humor, or at least a sense of poetry.

 

Beneath the sky so blue, beneath the rippling ground of the valley, the massive generators that had supplied the town with power went white-hot, vaporizing almost instantly, along with a good portion of the landscape. In his strange trance, it occurred to Kylo that he’d never tried to flat-out block or absorb energy and power at this scale before, that it might be a better idea to deflect it. So in the last nano-second before the blast reached them, Kylo changed the shape of the Force around him.

 

That was a good idea, he decided. He couldn’t help the yell of shock that he let out when the wave hit, nearly knocking him off his feet. If he’d tried to take that head-on, things likely wouldn’t have ended well. The kinetic energy probably would have obliterated him, Hux, the troopers…

 

In the distance, he thought he heard a voice calling out a name. A name he’d put behind him years ago…

 

“Ren!”

 

Kylo blinked and sat up perhaps a little too quickly. His head felt like it was spinning without his permission. Hux sat back on his heels.

 

“Glad you made it upright, Ren,” the General sneered. “I was worried for a moment that we’d have to pry that bucket off and actually see how hideous you are.”

 

“Thank the Force you were spared that fate,” Kylo muttered, shaking his head a little to try to clear the ringing in his ears.

 

“Consciousness to sarcasm in five seconds. Impressive.”

 

Kylo shrugged. “One does one’s best.”

 

Gradually, he managed to get his arms and legs arranged to the point that he could stand. Thank the Force nothing was damaged, it felt like. Then Kylo looked around.

 

From where he was standing, there stretched a triangle of green grass and trees that reached up to spread about a kilometer along the rim of the valley, with himself at the apex. Perhaps a dozen stormtroopers, a handful of officers, a single shuttle, himself and Hux, stood blinking in the sunlight and rising smoke.

 

Everything else was gone. Only scorched, black earth remained. In some places it looked like even the stone had melted in the intense heat and radiation, slick, glassy surfaces glinting sickly.

 

Kylo turned to see Hux let out a huff of air as he stared at the devastation around them. Wide-eyed, Hux looked at Kylo with something almost genuine on his face. Kylo couldn’t tell what it was.

 

“Thank you, Ren,” Hux said.

 

Awkwardly, Kylo shrugged his shoulders one at a time, unsure of what to say. You’re welcome? No problem? We’ve only known each other for three months but I’m pretty sure I’d give my life a thousand times over to save you?

 

“You’ve got soot in your hair,” he said instead.

 

_ Flawless execution, _ said the voice in his head.

 

_ Ben, _ Kylo thought in response.  _ The day I ask you your opinion on my love life is the day I intentionally put my lightsaber through my own face. _

 

Ben didn’t say anything else, for which Kylo was very glad. Hux was already barking out commands to the survivors, trying to get everyone organized and back on the shuttle.

 

“The Resistance will pay for this,” said Hux coldly.

 

Kylo shook his head. “This wasn’t a trap,” he explained. “The Resistance never knew we were coming. They evacuated just before we got here. They were just fleeing the impending catastrophe. The nuclear reactors must have been damaged, overloading the generators…”

 

“Ren?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How do you know for certain?”

 

Kylo opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again, then felt his face heat with embarrassment, glad Hux couldn’t see through the mask at him gaping like a fish.

 

“I saw it through the Force,” he finally managed. Why had that been so hard to answer? Just because Hux was staring right at him with focus and intent? Like he could peel back every wall and shield Kylo put up to protect himself, and Kylo would let him, welcome him...

  
Kylo realized in that moment that he was well and truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Thank you for the treat, Uncle Luke,” Ben smiled.
> 
> Luke grinned down him. “You’re very welcome, Ben. You know I love spoiling you rotten.”
> 
> Ben giggled and took another bite of shila candy. Visiting Uncle Luke was always fun, and it was always fun seeing all the different big cities. They were so different from the forests of Yavin Four, where mom had built her Jedi school. The big cities teemed with life of a different kind than the forests. It was nice to get away from the other students, too. He never really felt like he could quite… understand them. Maybe it was because they couldn’t hear the sisters?
> 
> “Uncle Luke…” Ben looked up to ask, and saw Luke glance behind them, a look of surprise on his face. Ben looked back, hoping to see what had startled Luke. The evening shadows were long, and there were a few other people about, walking in and out of shops. There was a flicker, though, and Ben thought he saw a tall figure step back into the shadow of a building and out of sight.
> 
> Ben looked back up at Luke. “Who was that?” He shivered a little, though he wasn’t sure why.
> 
> Luke met his eyes. “You saw him, too?” With a strange smile, Luke stared back towards where the figure had been. “Good.”
> 
> “But who was it?”
> 
> Luke turned back and kept walking the way they had been going, back to his apartment, that odd smile still on his face. “That was your grandfather, Ben.”


	8. Between Your Mind and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux can't think of a reason why his heart would hurt every time he thinks of Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've lost your war.  
> Our kingdom is gone.
> 
> I tried to go, to follow  
> To kneel down at your feet.
> 
> How shall I win back  
> Your heart which was mine?
> 
> I have broken bones  
> And tattered clothes.
> 
> Take my heart and I'll lay down my weapons.  
> Break my shackles to set me _free..._

Ninety percent casualty rate on their latest mission, and if Ren hadn’t been there, everyone would have died. Hux himself included. 

 

The General paced in his quarters. He should be working, planning, reading and answering important messages and… but he couldn’t focus. No, that was inaccurate. His focus was only on one thing.

 

Again, his mind replayed it, that moment. Looking back at Ren, the Knight a silhouette against the pale green and blues of that doomed valley. Ren reaching out, his hand grabbing at Hux, inhuman strength moving him as if Hux were no more than a child, almost weightless. Watching as Ren reached out, his arms wide to embrace the blast. 

 

Hux sat down at his desk in shock. What was this… sensation? A tightening in his chest, an ache in his arms and a stinging in his eyes. Maybe he was coming down with some kind of illness. Or maybe he was having a heart attack. Wasn’t pain in the left arm often a symptom of heart attacks?

 

His mouth was dry. He poured himself a glass of water and sipped at it. Unbidden, the thought of Kylo Ren’s earlier words rose in his mind, and his chest contracted again.  _ You have soot in your hair. _ What an inane thing to say. Of course Hux had soot in his hair. He’d just been in the center of an explosion that by all rights should have ended his life.

 

Hux picked up his datapad and entered a reminder to have a medical droid evaluate him in the morning if these strange symptoms continued. He set the datapad back down, edges aligned parallel to the edges of his desk.

 

Today should have been his last day alive, but it wasn’t, because of Ren. why was his mind returning to that thought over and over? Itching at it, worrying at it like an aching tooth, reminding himself again and again. Compulsive. Repetitive. The tap tap tap of dripping water, relentlessly wearing down on him.

 

Hux lifted his hand to his chest, his fingertips brushing over his uniform’s left side, over the small scar. It was clean, neat. A simple rectangle over his heart. Four corners, ninety-degree angles. The scar was white, pale even against the rest of his skin, no freckles ever showing up there. None ever would, most likely. Hux never saw sunlight anymore.

 

But even as Hux visualized that white blank space of skin, there were two black letters he could never erase from his head, no matter how hard he tried.

 

Ky.

 

Hux had never seen raw power like he had seen today. Holding Hux’s destruction at bay, Kylo Ren had appeared like some kind of divine intervention. A force beyond Hux, beyond the laws of reality as he knew them.

 

Hux pressed both of his hands flat against the surface of his desk. Maybe.

 

The fact that he was entertaining this thought at all terrified him.

 

Maybe there was more to Kylo Ren than a petulant, moody, temperamental child. Somewhere underneath all the shadows and smoke, maybe there was a tiny spark of something admirable.

 

Hux grimaced. His chest hurt again. Perhaps a medical droid could do a quick examination tonight, rather than in the morning.

 

Hux’s door chimed. “Enter,” he said.

 

Lieutenant Mitaka stepped in, his forehead damp with sweat and his eyes wide.

 

“Sir,” he snapped a sharp salute. “It’s… it’s Lord Ren, sir. He’s completely dismantled Control Room C.”

  
It was incredible, Hux observed as he strode down the hall. Ren had almost impossibly accurate timing when it came to throwing Hux’s contemplations to the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do you think they'll tell stories about all this? About us?" Revan looked down at her, his eyes full of fear that by all rights didn't belong there.
> 
> Shmi smiled at him, and if there were tears in her eyes they were the only two who saw. "I'll make sure they do," she said.


	9. Between Your Loyalties and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt the Radar Technician will experience the effects of methylene blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why those names?
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> The stars dance across the sky, and the storms make their home there.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> And what is a sky with neither stars nor storms? A sad, empty, 
> 
> lonely thing…

Rubbing at his eyes, Matt the Radar Technician considered the options in front of him. “Are you hiding any of those little dormanian flaky pastries in the back?”

 

“Any what?” asked the bewildered and bored-looking server.

 

“Nevermind, nevermind.” Matt shoved his glasses into a more secure position on his face. “I’ll just have the holp powder with the bantha milk.”

 

“We’re out of bantha milk.”

 

“What!?” Matt’s temper flared. “Why the  _ fuck _ are we out!?”

 

“Hey!” snapped the server. “Don’t use that language at me, boy. I’ve half a mind to come over there and box your ears!”

 

“You wouldn’t dare!” Matt screeched. “Do you have any idea who I am? I’m…” Matt deflated a little bit, his face turning red. “I’m Matt the Radar Technician,” he finished lamely.

 

The server had a distinctly unimpressed look on their face. “Rough day, Matt?”

 

He sighed. “Yeah. I just… I’m under a lot of pressure, you know?”

 

The server hummed in agreement. “Tell you what, Matt. I’ve got some methylene in back I can mix into your holp. It’ll look just like it’s got bantha milk in it.”

 

“It’ll look just like it?”

 

“With hardly any physical side effects.”

 

Matt sniffed and nodded. “That sounds good.”

 

It hadn’t just been a rough day. The last two weeks had been horrible. Every little thing that could go wrong had gone wrong, until Kylo found himself down in the training rooms, pulling apart training droids into their individual components with his mind, just to release some of the tension in his head. Some of them he even put back together… if not quite in the same way as they had been previously assembled.

 

Kylo smiled a little to himself. Some of them he was pretty sure worked even better, now. Though perhaps not in their original intended function. He’d always like rebuilding droids. They made sense to him.

 

“Hey there, Matt.”

 

Kylo looked up. “Oh! Hiya, Zak! How’re things over in your sector of the woods?”

 

Zak the communications officer chuckled. “Oh, everything is swell, Matt. Construction is behind, losses are climbing towards the point of no return, and I couldn’t find my favorite pair of socks this morning.”

 

Kylo nodded. “Truly your life is an incomprehensible disaster from which the galaxy may never recover.”

 

That got Zak to smile for real as he scooped reconstituted holp onto his spoon. “Well, I guess I can’t really complain. There are people on this ship under far more stress.”

 

_ Like me, _ thought Kylo.

 

“Like General Hux.”

 

“Oh,” Kylo reached up and scratched at the back of his neck. “I thought, for some reason, you were going to say Lord Ren.” Zak blinked blankly a few times. “Lord Ren? Kylo Ren, you know Kylo Ren. Sir Lord Ren? Sir Lord Kylo Ren? Lord Ren Sir Lord…”

 

“No, Matt. I mean, I know who Kylo Ren is. But.” He gulped down another spoonful. “That freaky monk guy is probably like two-thirds of why things are crazy around here, you know? Always slashing up equipment with that weird light-sword thing and scaring the stormtroopers.”

 

_ Your actions affect others. You need to learn to take responsibility _

 

“No one fucking asked you,” Kylo growled under his breath.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Nevermind,” Kylo said through clenched teeth. “Maybe he’s just got a lot of problems of his own. At least he hasn’t killed anyone. Darth Vader would have killed like half the people here, probably, on account of incompetency.” Alright maybe only a quarter. Or like a tenth.

 

“If your standards for doing well are ‘not killing anyone’, then your standards are frighteningly low, Matt.” said Zak.

 

Kylo very grudgingly admitted to himself that the officer had a point.

 

“Besides, Lord Little Black Dress is making life hell for General Hux, and by proxy everyone on the  _ Finalizer _ .”

 

Kylo snorted. “The General could use some help getting that giant stick out of his ass.”

 

Zak was staring at Kylo with a slightly disgusted expression on his face. He then shared a look with the technician next to him, who had apparently been listening to the whole conversation. “Look, Matt,” Zak said like Kylo was an idiot. “How long have you been stationed here?”

 

Kylo shrugged. “About five months, now.”

 

“And in all that time, you haven’t noticed?”

 

“Noticed what?”

 

The technician leaned in, her eyes bright and her voice pitched low. “That General Hux is  _ amazing _ .”

 

Kylo stared at the two of them for a moment. “What?”

 

Zak was leaned nearly across the whole table. “General Hux is, by far, the most competent, sensible, trustworthy leader in the entire First Order. I would literally take a blaster shot for the man.”

 

“I would do anything for him,” the technician added sincerely. “He never needlessly risks people’s lives. He works with people, and listens to them, rather than only listening to his own ego. I don’t think he has an ego, actually.”

 

“He never smiles,” muttered Kylo.

 

“He’s stern,” agreed Zak. “And careful with his emotions. He doesn’t bother with cronyism or favoritism. If you’re good at what you do, Hux will see it. And he never gives an order that he wouldn’t be willing to carry out himself.”

 

“I think he’s just shy,” said the technician quietly, her cheeks turning a little pink as she picked at her plate of holp paste.

 

Kylo stared at the two of them, the wheels spinning in his head, but not really going anywhere.

 

“So, Matt,” continued Zak. “I suggest you stop sucking Kylo Ren’s dick all the time and actually pay attention to what good leadership looks like. And be careful who you badmouth where others can hear you.”

  
Well. Kylo thought very quietly to himself. Wasn’t that interesting? Maybe there was more to Hux than…

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But what if the sky had a bird?
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> A bird?
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> A blackbird to be friends with...


	10. Between Your Paradise and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux thinks that a world without Ren's tantrums would be paradise.
> 
> Chapter warning: non-graphic torture
> 
> (For those of you who, like me, have watched Trigun multiple times and therefore developed a pavlovian reaction to the word 'paradise'... I apologize for making it worse.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Skywalker."
> 
> The name fell from the Emperor's mouth like a hammer. Darth Vader said nothing, and did not move.
> 
> "The girl is strong with the Force," the Emperor continued. "She could become powerful enough to prove a real threat. What do you think, my apprentice?"
> 
> On his knees, Darth Vader did not look so much like a strong Knight. "Master," said Vader. "She could also prove to be an invaluable ally."
> 
> The Emperor sneered. "Your thoughts betray you, Lord Vader. Already she is a weakness you cannot afford." Almost without thought, he reached out over the vast distance between them and tugged at the mechanisms of Vader's suit, halting his breathing just long enough to hurt.
> 
> The cyborg struggled in the Emperor's grip, then fell to the floor when he was released. "I understand, Master. But if she can be persuaded-"
> 
> Palpatine reached out again, this time sending pulses of Force Lightning through Vader's limbs, targeting the sensitive nerve endings that connected the prosthetics to the rest of him.
> 
> "I will hear no more of your pathetic pleading on her behalf. You will kill Leia Skywalker."

Once again, Hux found himself staring down at the monthly budget report with a grimace of disgust on his face. Because once again much of the funds that ought to go towards construction materials for Starkiller base had gone towards repairs instead. Repairs almost exclusively needed due to the antics of a singular entity.

 

Kylo Ren.

 

There were days when Hux was about forty percent certain that Ren was deliberately sabotaging the First Order. Most of the time, though, Hux had concocted a theory that Ren was just bad luck, causing destruction of property by sheer proximity. Things just… went wrong when the Knight was around. So unless Ren was using his freaky powers to fuck with things stealthily…

 

Either way, this could not go on. Starkiller had to be finished in time. Hux had a timetable, a looming deadline that could not be ignored.

 

Confronting Ren directly was pointless. Any time Hux had tried, the Knight would do or say _something_ to get out of the situation. Ren had tried multiple tactics, from throwing yet another fit and wreaking more havoc, to contritely agreeing to exercise restraint, to laughing in Hux’s face and simply walking away. And any time their arguments got in any way physical, if Hux reached out to hold Ren back, Hux felt a touch, a _force_ that held him in place, immobile.

 

(One time, when Hux tried communicating his concerns in a more private location, Kylo Ren had done nothing. He said nothing, and did not move, no matter what Hux said or did. Hux had eventually left the Knight there in that office, turning the lights off as he left. That encounter had been unsettling to say the least. Hux had no desire to repeat that.)

 

Bereft of alternatives, Hux had been forced to escalate the situation.

 

“Supreme Leader,” Hux said. It was a private conference, only the two of them. “I have some… worries about Kylo Ren.”

 

Snoke tilted his head to one side. “The Knights of Ren are not your concern, General.”

 

“But the weapon is, Supreme Leader.” Hux stared up into cold eyes defiantly.

 

Snoke's eyes narrowed. “Is Kylo Ren affecting your purpose, General?”

 

Hux wasn't quite certain why Snoke had phrased his question that way, so he ignored it completely. “If I may speak freely, Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren is little more than a spoiled child, prone to fits of anger during which he lashes out violently. He takes his frustration out on my men and my equipment. Just last week he destroyed nearly an entire elevator shaft. I can't…” Hux paused and corrected himself. “ The First Order can withstand many things, but I do not know how the Order can continue to grow in power while being torn down from within.”

 

Snoke was silent for a time, waiting as Hux regathered his composure, let his anger cool, his heart slow back down.

 

“It seems,” said Snoke. “That his training is not yet completed.” He ran a withered hand across his face. “He is stubborn, and must be reminded again of his place. General…” Snoke's eyes were cruel. “The next time Kylo… acts out… contact me as soon as possible. Correction is most effective when delivered immediately after the undesired behaviour has occurred.”

 

The holo faded, leaving Hux feeling cold and strange. Snoke spoke of Ren as if he were an animal, a creature that needed to be brought to heel. The conversation had left a sour taste in his mouth.

 

“I’m not old enough to deal with this shit,” Hux muttered to himself in the dark room.

 

Still, what other choice did he have? Not for the first time in his life, Hux felt helpless. Something had to be done about Kylo Ren. So, the next time Ren slashed a console to pieces with his lightsaber, Hux sent an encrypted message. Ten minutes later, they both received a summons to the chamber.

 

“Kylo Ren.”

 

“Yes, Supreme Leader?”

 

“Of your last five missions, you have failed three of them. One of those, I recall, the map fragment you sought had been completely destroyed.”

 

“Supreme Leader,” said Ren. “I strive to improve-”

 

“Silence. And on top of your… failures… General Hux has reported that you have regressed to your former destructive habits. That you have impeded his efforts, set back his objectives by weeks, if not months.”

 

Ren shifted. Hux kept his eyes fixed forward, despite the dread growing in his guts. Ren’s punishment was his own, he told himself, brought on by his own actions. The Knight had to face the consequences of his decisions. It had nothing at all to do with Hux...

 

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke intoned, his voice slow. “I thought that you had moved past such outbursts.”

 

“Supreme Leader, I just-”

 

“Kylo.  I find that you are in need of correction.”

 

Hux felt, rather than saw, the full-body shudder that swept over Ren. A darkening horror was starting to crawl up his spine. He hadn’t actually thought about what Snoke would do to punish Ren. A sharp reprimand, he must have thought.

 

“However,” Snoke continued. “I also need you to remain where you are on the _Finalizer._ Bringing you to me would only set our cause back further. Besides…” A small unkind smile pulled at Snoke’s face. “It occurs to me that physical pain is hardly something you fear. I blame myself for that.”

 

Ren was shaking uncontrollably, now. Hux swallowed back bile. Ren’s fear was infectious. “Supreme Leader, I will… a-accept whatever p-punishment you see fit,” Ren stuttered.

 

“Yes. You will.” Snoke settled back on his throne. “Tell me, Kylo Ren, what do you think your greatest weakness is?”

 

Hux felt Ren stop breathing.

 

Snoke briefly closed his eyes. “It is your compassion, Kylo Ren.” He opened his eyes and looked to the side. Hux realized that there was someone else in the room with Snoke. Someone just beyond the view of the holo. “Step forward, Solum Ren.” Hux heard and saw nothing, but Snoke nodded in approval. “Solum, you are Master of the Knights of Ren, are you not?”

 

“I am, Master.”

 

At Hux’s side, Ren nearly convulsed. Solum Ren’s voice was deep and scratchy, like rough stone against Hux’s internal organs. The General had a moment to wonder why he was present for this, what Snoke wanted him to see.

 

“And as Master of the Knights of Ren,” Snoke said. “Their failures are your failures, yes?”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

Snoke raised his hand, spindly thin fingers reaching out towards the person Hux could not see. After a second, Snoke closed his hand into a fist.

 

Solum Ren screamed. Hux had heard men in agony before. He knew what it sounded like.

 

“Stop!” Kylo Ren cried, stepping forward, pulling his lightsaber from his belt. His voice sounded broken, as though he could feel the other Knight’s pain as his own.

 

“Kylo,” Snoke said without looking down. “Any word you speak, any movement from you will only add to his torment.” He flexed his hand, and the screaming raised in pitch, broken up by sobbing cries and gasps for air. “You will learn control. And suffering will be your teacher.”

 

With an obvious effort, Ren held himself back. Hux could see the Knight trembling as the screaming came and went in waves. Hux could imagine Snoke easing the pain back long enough for this Solum Ren to think that the pain could be over, only to apply his power even more viciously.

 

Hux wasn't certain how long it lasted, the cries of agony slowly becoming weaker, ripped from a throat and lungs that no longer had strength. With a start, Hux realized that Snoke was watching him, now, rather than Kylo Ren. What was he watching for? Sympathy?

 

Finally, Snoke dropped his hand, and Solum Ren fell quiet, his heaving breaths still carrying over the transmission.

 

“Solum Ren,” said Snoke. “Do you have any message or instructions for either Kylo or the General?”

 

Solum drew a deep breath, forcing himself to speak despite the obvious pain. “No, Master.”

 

“Very well.”

 

The hologram faded, and Hux had a frightening few seconds of anticipation before he felt ice-cold hands tighten around his neck, just solid enough to send adrenaline rushing through his veins.

 

“Congratulations, Hux.” Ren said, his words slow and agonized. “You found the whip to beat me bloody, to keep me under your control.” Ren was breathing fast, hyperventilating, gasping for air through his mask. Hux saw black around the edges of his vision. “Would you like me to hand over my saber to you? Shall I call you ‘master’? Wear chains for you to pull me along wherever you want? Do you wish me to sleep at the foot of your bed, leashed and tamed, de-clawed and fangless?”

 

Hux couldn’t speak, his vision going fuzzy and dark. But before he passed out, Ren let go, stepped back, slumped over as Hux gasped and coughed. “What the hell, Ren?”

 

“You… and the crew… needn’t fear me…” Kylo said slowly, his voice low and cracking, fragmenting into pieces around the edges. “Your precious _equipment_ is safe from my… my _tantrums_ … _”_ Ren was shaking. Gods, was he crying under that mask? “Well played, General. You got what you wanted.”

 

The Knight lifted his arms to wrap them around himself, almost as if seeking what little comfort he could find. “Ren,” Hux heard himself say. “I didn’t know what Snoke was going to do.”

 

Ren’s mask looked towards him. “And would knowing have kept you from your actions?” It didn’t sound like a real question, like Ren already knew, or thought he knew.

 

 _No_ , thought Hux. _But knowing how it would affect_ you _would have._

 

Ren's hold on his own upper arms tightened, likely bruising the flesh underneath, if Ren was at all human. For the first time in Ren’s presence, Hux thought of names. Did Ren have a soulmark? Was there a name in Ren's skin, etched into his soul? Was it Hux's own name?

 

“Ren-”

 

The Knight jerked away from Hux, wounded, hurt. “Leave me be, _General.”_

 

Ren turned and slowly walked away, the long walkway emphasizing his stiff movements. Hux wondered for a moment about the Force. Could Ren have been feeling all of that pain physically? He certainly was acting like he did.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kylo hauled his limbs through the door into his quarters, dragging his body and his aching heart. Everything hurt. He wished desperately that it were his own pain. Snoke had been merciless, striking with deadly precision at Kylo’s weakness.

 

Kylo shuddered, and let the tears fall freely. No one was there to see but Vader's mask. Even Ben’s irritating voice was silent, leaving Kylo to suffer on his own. To feel Solum Ren's pain in detail again.

 

Kylo let himself be weak for a while. When he looked up again, he saw that he had curled up on the floor at the base of the pedestal, gazing up at Darth Vader's mask.

 

“Don't worry,” he whispered to it. “I won't fail.”

 

After all, he realized, Snoke had made a bold move today, and bold moves were risky.

 

Kylo knew he was bad at thinking things through all the time. But he _had_ to do this right. There was no room for error.

 

Snoke had chosen Solum Ren, his favored, his hand-picked apprentice, to be Kylo's proxy. Kylo grinned. That was a glaring mis-step. He may have been aiming for Kylo's weakness, but he had revealed his own.

 

General Hux… Kylo bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. He was a little grateful, actually. This would make it far easier to ignore his feelings for Hux. All Kylo had to do was remember Hux’s face while listening to Solum’s screams, as unaffected as stone. Kylo held that image in his head, pictured Hux looking at him with that completely indifferent gaze, perhaps a cruel sneer on his mouth.

 

_“Soulmate, Ren? Really? What am I supposed to do with a monster like you?”_

 

It was all too easy to imagine.

  
So Kylo put his feelings in a box in his heart and locked them away. It was easy, he reminded himself. You’ve done it before. Just pretend. Maybe the pain will leave someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Anakin, we have to go."
> 
> The young Jedi looked up. Obi-Wan's face was caked in sweat and blood, and his clear eyes were solemn. "Anakin... there's nothing more we can do here."
> 
> Anakin bowed his head over the small body in his arms, tears dripping from the tip of his nose. "I wasn't strong enough to save them..."


	11. Between Your Years and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once upon a time, Starkiller had a moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Palpatine lied to me. He said that all three of you died. I knew he was lying, of course, but the attempt at deception hurt.”

Command of the _Finalizer_ and overseeing the construction of Starkiller base became quiet. Not too quiet, of course. Just normal. There were an average amount of emergencies and crisis for a First Order star-destroyer. Fewer, actually. Because the _Finalizer_ belonged to General Hux, and things that belonged to General Hux behaved the way they should.

 

Hux felt like he was falling apart.

 

The worst part was that there was _no reason._  Not really. In the last few months, he’d hardly even _seen_ Kylo Ren. Not that Kylo Ren had anything to do with Hux’s mental or emotional state. There must have been some other factor.

 

So Hux had his custom med-droid do extra tests. He paid extra attention to his nutrient intake, carefully monitored his (admittedly scarce) sleep-cycles. But there was nothing that had changed. His sleep remained the same, the medical tests came back as depressing as ever with their results, but that wasn’t unusual. Hux considered the old psych-tests he’d long since abandoned, but attempting to tackle his own psyche while negotiating complex trade agreements and arranging for shipments of materials was not appealing.

 

Kylo Ren had often been absent from the ship, away on his own missions, sometimes for only a day or two, sometimes for two or three months. Sometimes, the Knight returned from a mission and left for the next before Hux even knew that he’d been on board. Kylo Ren had become a ghost. A ghost that never raised a voice, never left an impression of passage. The few times that Hux managed to speak with Ren, their conversations were… cold, like ice poured into Hux’s veins. He hated it. So he began to avoid Ren even more.

 

“Transfer the test results to this chip,” Hux instructed the small droid in his office, placing the chip in its reader. “And then wipe the results from your memory. Backup, as well. Override code gamma-nine-ark-six-one.”

 

“Yes, General.”

 

The droid beeped quietly several times, then Hux retrieved the chip and sent the droid away. His official medical records had been carefully assembled, sterile and uninteresting. Just like his official military record. No need to clutter things up with the data he kept on the chip, dangling from a thin chain around his neck.

 

Hux was careful, though not necessarily with himself. He drank himself to sleep that night.

 

Another day. Another view of the pristine white planet being delicately sculpted into the most massive weapon the galaxy had ever known. Hux still enjoyed going over the equations and computations in his head as he stood on the bridge, the vast amount of calculations and mathematics that had been required to even conceive of such a project. He imagined that great artists could feel pride for a new burst of creativity, insight and inspiration, but how could that compare with the knowledge that through numbers and measurements, something new had been birthed into existence, wrangled into being by fact, by remaking what was thought to be possible to make way for…

 

For Starkiller.

 

Every detail had been accounted for, the circumference and density of the planet, the energy output of its star, the gravitational influence of its moon…

 

Hux frowned. Out there, just beyond the edge of Starkiller’s horizon, the moon was rising, but it seemed… brighter than normal.

 

“Thannison,” Hux snapped. “Are there any unusual readings from the sensors around SK-02?”

 

The alarms began to sound in the middle of Hux’s sentence. “Sir!” Thannison responded. “Energy readings have spiked… off the charts! I’ve never seen anything like this-”

 

“Are we under attack?” Hux barked at Unamo.

 

“We’ve detected no enemy units in the area, sir,” she responded, her eyes scanning her console display. “In fact, there is nothing really in-

 

“General!” shouted Mitaka. “The moon!”

 

There really had been no need for his outburst. Every eye in the room was drawn to the sight of Starkiller’s moon flaring white-hot, overtaking the nearby sun in brightness.

 

“Prepare to evacuate all personnel,” Hux ordered. “See if we can contact Starkiller-”

 

Thin red cracks began emerging on SK-02’s surface, dancing hypnotically and widening.

 

Hux wondered if perhaps he was going to die a bit earlier than he had thought.

 

And then the moon disintegrated, collapsing in on itself, shrinking further and further, smaller and smaller. In about thirty seconds, SK-02 had vanished.

 

Hux had enough time to unclench his fists and relax his jaw. “Wha-”

 

From the side of Starkiller that had been facing the moon burst a jet of energy and light, blue-white and bright, gone in a moment, but lingering in the after-images burned into Hux’s retinas.

 

“What the hell,” he said.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

When Hux thought about it, he realized that it had been nearly two years since Ren and he had spoken alone. The last time had not gone well. He still remembered Ren’s sobbing breaths and cold fingers around his throat. He remembered the sound of screams from a Knight in Snoke’s grip. He remembered…

 

He remembered Ren being… different. Hux couldn’t place exactly what it was, and he cursed the Knight’s choice of attire once again. When Ren was in motion, he was easy to read, a book with plain, simple words. But when he was motionless, like this, standing still before Hux, he was an enigma. There was nothing at all in the way Ren stood, neither relaxed nor tense, neither submissive nor assertive. His posture was perfectly neutral.

 

Until Hux began to speak.

 

“What. Happened.”

 

Ren’s right shoulder raised a fraction of an inch and forward. The chin of his helmet tilted just a bit upward. His left hand trembled, and his thumb folded in against his palm. What a perplexing arrangement of both uncertainty and defiance.

 

“Well,” Ren said slowly. “About sixty-two years ago the planet of Naboo was under attack when two Jedi were sent-”

 

“Ren!” Hux cried out, fighting back the urge to tear out his own hair. “This isn’t a joke! You were in the sector adjacent to the moon when it… dissolved. What did you do!?”

 

Ren shifted his left foot back by a few centimeters. “You assume I was involved?”

 

“Honestly? Yes.”

 

The mask tilted. To Ren’s right, just a little, and up, like he was looking over Hux’s head, or maybe at the ceiling. “Would you believe me if I told you it was an accident?”

 

“An accident,” Hux repeated flatly.

 

“A horrible, freak Force-training accident. I, ah, have a second witness. Sven was there.”

 

Hux stared at him for a second. “Who the fuck is Sven?”

 

“Stormtrooper FN-2187. Remember? I introduced you once. He’s a friend.” That last sentence was so quiet that Hux barely heard it.

 

“A trooper was there watching you train?” Hux attempted to clarify.

 

“No. I was training him. In the ways of the Force.”

 

Hux began counting in his head. Very slowly. In fractions.

 

“You were training a stormtrooper in ‘the ways of the Force’... and you blew up the moon.”

 

Ren hesitated, shifted his weight to his right foot, then back. “When you put it like that it sounds ridiculous. The Force is intricate and mysterious-”

 

“And you blew up the moon with it.”

 

The mask tipped downward a fraction of an inch. Ren’s chest rose with a deep breath. “Yes.”

 

“On accident.”

 

Ren’s shoulders drew closer together, up towards his ears, careful. “Are you…” His right fingers twitched, and his mask tipped further down. “Will the Supreme Leader be informed?”

 

Hux felt his own face tense, but with what emotion he could not tell, his hands clenched on his desk. “Well, Ren, I can’t exactly hide this, can I!?”

 

The blank walls seemed to reverberate his words, sending them back through his mind over and over. He fought back a shiver as Ren straightened his posture back to complete neutrality.

 

“I understand, General.” He turned, walking back towards the door.

 

“Ren.”

 

The Knight ignored him, leaving the room in a quiet swirl of black. That was good. Hux wasn’t sure what he would have said. Or done.

  
The General leaned his elbows on the desk and put his face in his hands. He could feel strands of his hair coming loose in his fingertips. That old ache in his chest was back. He hadn’t felt it in so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Do you still want to kill me?”
> 
> Leia froze in horror, the words from her dream crawling up the inside of her head. “I… It’s…” She felt herself falter on the edge of the catwalk, then steeled herself, braced with the Force. “It’s only natural when you’re being hunted by a _creature_ in a mask.”
> 
> Vader breathed in. And then out. “The old Jedi blinded you. You are only looking with human eyes. Is the mask truly all you see?”
> 
> Leia felt her palms sweating against the lightsaber in her hands, the lightsaber Ben had given her. The lightsaber that had once belonged to Anakin Skywalker. The sisters whispered to her-
> 
>  
> 
> _Beautiful child. Once golden, now pale and ashen. Ragged. Scarred. More beautiful. Face tipped up to smile at the sky, arms open to embrace. Beautiful child that walks in the sky._
> 
>  
> 
> “Walking Sky Child,” Leia whispered. She wasn’t sure why, but tears spilled down her face at the sound of that name in her own voice.


	12. Between Your Voice and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has to socialize. He does badly, and there is actually a plot.
> 
> Also: Anakin Amidala
> 
> July 22 edit: I fixed Luke's hair :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life as an intern in the Senate of the Republic wasn’t always what Eno thought it would be, but he had to admit that it was not without its perks.
> 
> Being an errand-boy and messenger and all-around doormat was not one of the perks. It was definitely one of the downsides. Being at the bottom of the pecking-order. Just above the droids. Though even among the droids there were a handful more well-regarded than himself. But that was alright, he had decided. Soon, he would have a real job with one of the Senators. Maybe they would even take him off this miserable city-planet. He’d never been on a star-cruiser before. With all the light pollution from the city lights, he’d never even really seen stars before. He heard they were amazing.
> 
> These were Ter Eno’s thoughts when he knocked on the door to Senator Amidala’s office. They were quickly dispelled when he heard a soft, but fervent curse on the other side of the door, followed by the rustling of fabric.
> 
> “A moment, please!”
> 
> That was Senator Amidala’s voice, though she sounded rather… breathy. Eno felt his face instantly grow warm, and was glad that his darker skin tone would make that harder to detect. He was just a healthy young man, he thought to himself. Wasn’t it just biology that his mind and body were always primed to go inappropriate places? Surely the Senator wasn’t-
> 
> “Come in.”
> 
> He opened the door. “My apologies, Senator,” he said immediately. “I didn’t-”
> 
> “No, no,” she interrupted. “You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m afraid we… ah, I sent away my protocol droid a few minutes ago for some minor maintenance.”
> 
> Eno’s mind recorded several details in the room very quickly, not all of which he was able to process right away. Senator Amidala was seated primly at her desk, her eyes bright, her cheeks very pink and her lips darker. Her breathing was rapid and hard. It looked as though a small amount of makeup had been smudged around her mouth. The matching color could be found…
> 
> Being worn by the other person in the room. Everyone knew of Amidala’s handmaidens. At least one or two followed her everywhere. This maiden’s face was flushing red, her eyes downcast and her hand tugging down her headscarf in an attempt to hide her embarrassment, though really it just made their earlier activities all the more easy to guess at. The handmaiden bit at her lower lip nervously, the small motion sending all of the blood in Eno’s head rushing… elsewhere. She had a small bruise forming on the skin at her throat.
> 
> Amidala cleared her throat loudly. “Is there something you required?” Her voice was high, and she gulped when he looked back at her, her eyes darting to her handmaiden.
> 
> Eno cursed the new meanings his brain was giving the word ‘handmaiden’.
> 
> “A request from Senator Taloq,” he managed to say. “He wishes for you to join him for a meeting. Perhaps over dinner this evening.”
> 
> The handmaiden made a small noise. Both Eno and the Senator looked over at her. She flushed darker and ducked her chin down a little, her lashes brushing her cheeks. Eno’s mouth went dry. She was tall and willowy, elegant even in her obvious shyness. Two very beautiful women entwined behind closed doors…
> 
> “My Lady Senator,” murmured the handmaiden, her voice a low, sweet sound. “I’m afraid I must remind you that you have a… prior engagement for this evening. I… would hate for you to forget…”
> 
> “Of course,” said Amidala. “Please send Senator Taloq my sincerest apologies, as I…” She sent a heated look towards her handmaiden. “Already will have my hands full this evening.”
> 
> Eno wasn’t sure how he managed to remain standing, but he did. “Yes, Senator. I will convey to him your intimate… I-I mean _intended_ , ah, message.”
> 
> The handmaiden walked towards him. Stars, she moved so gracefully it was starting to be painful to remain in the room. Eno glanced at the Senator. Her eyes were wide, watching her handmaiden with parted lips, her fingers tracing at her own neck, where Eno thought he saw another dappled line of bruises.
> 
> “What is your name?” asked the handmaiden quietly.
> 
> “Ter Eno. I’m… I’m just an intern. I didn’t mean…”
> 
> “Ter Eno,” the maiden whispered, leaning close to him. “I would consider myself in your debt… if you can be… discreet about what you’ve seen here.”
> 
> Eno really wasn’t sure he had all of his brain cells still in the correct places, but he nodded. “Of course, of course! I-I’ll do whatever you ask.”
> 
> “Thank you,” she breathed. And closed the door in his face.
> 
> He took a deep breath, and the door opened again. “Don’t bother,” the handmaiden said with a wide smile. “The door is soundproof. It would be a shame if any political secrets got out, right?” And the door closed again.
> 
> Eno counted to one hundred and four as he walked away.

“The Republic has failed to live up to its own ideals,” Hux said firmly, projecting his voice across the Senate Hall. “Billions in the Outer Rim and Western Reaches have struggled to survive since the fall of the Empire. The First Order simply is the entity that has stepped in to aid these lost souls. Is the Senate trying to say that those regions don’t deserve help?”

 

“Your idealism is admirable, but impractical,” said Senator Amidala, his face calm and unimpressed. “Stretching the resources under our control would help no one if all those shipments only end up in the hands of pirates and criminal gangs.”

 

“And thus the cowardly Republic sits on their own hands and does nothing,” Hux snapped, feeling his temper starting to stir.

 

“And thus the First Order hides their power-grabbing behind claims of charitable efforts,” Amidala said, tilting his head arrogantly. “Fellow Senators, do not listen to the lies spun by this… boy-soldier. He represents a military order and nothing else.”

 

Boy-soldier!? Hux wanted to punch the Senator in the teeth. The pampered princeling had probably never worked a day of hard labor in his life, never had to fight for his survival. And who was he calling 'boy’? The Senator hardly looked like he could be much older than Hux, with that near-feminine face and gold-blond hair. Hux even noted, with some distaste, that Amidala had some of his hair dyed black, just a small patch at the base of his skull. The General imagined that the Senator imagined it made him look more interesting. How ridiculous.

 

“Senator Amidala,” said Mon Gara, clicking their tongue. “How can you accuse the First Order of aggression when you are the one constantly pressuring for military action? Sit down.”

 

With a short resentful bow, Senator Amidala seated himself, though once Mon Gara began addressing the Senate at large again, Hux caught Amidala giving him a few looks that Hux that the General read as resentful and frustrated.

 

* * *

 

 

Hux was barely able to keep from sneering round the room at the assembled diplomats and their cronies and hangers-on. He loathed the fact that he had to occasionally come here to the Core Worlds to mollify the Senate. Soon, he told himself, Starkiller would be operational and it wouldn’t matter anymore what any of these people thought or said.

 

At least he had Phasma with him this time, standing around at this so-called party. She was just as intimidating in a formal uniform as she was in her armor, if not more so, and very good at keeping people away with little more than an icy glare.

 

Most people, Hux corrected his thoughts. Not, apparently, Senator Amidala.

 

“General Hux,” said the Senator with one of those annoying, vapid smiles of his that didn’t reach his blue eyes. “I feel I must thank you.”

 

“You are most welcome,” Hux bit out of his mouth, wishing now that he was holding one of those frothy drinks they were serving, if only to throw it in the Senator’s face.

 

Amidala obviously wanted Hux to ask was he was thankful for, but Hux was sick of playing social games, so he just stared at the man. Finally, Amidala caved. “For your robust debates. Without you as a whetstone to hone my skills on, I’m afraid I would lose my edge.”

 

“That would be a shame,” murmured Hux.

 

Amidala looked startled for a split second, and Hux wondered what he had said, but then the Senator was turning away, scanning the room almost frantically. Phasma tensed a little. She must have seen or heard whatever Amidala was reacting to.

 

“What’s wrong?” Hux demanded, mostly of Phasma, but it was Amidala who answered.

 

“Sorry, did you say something?” the Senator asked, his eyes still a bit wide. “My apologies, General. I… thought I heard someone.”

 

“Phasma?” Hux said.

 

“Sir, I don’t see anything amiss.”

 

Hux reminded himself of the blaster he kept concealed at the small of his back.

 

“Is that Hux I see?” said a robust middle-aged man as he sauntered towards the conversation. Hux tried not to grimace. “I say, young man, you are near the spitting-image of your father!”

 

“Ambassador Creet,” murmured Amidala. “How kind of you to join us.” Amidala didn’t look particularly pleased, however.

 

“Good Evening, Senator,” rumbled the Ambassador. “And what a pleasure it is to see you, Hux! Even if you look like that First Order is running you ragged." He laughed as if he had said something funny.

 

“It’s been several years,” Hux said. It was taking everything he had to not run screaming in the opposite direction. It was true. He hadn’t seen Creet in years. Not long enough. Creet could be dangerous…

 

“Shame about your father,” said Creet with a frown. “His death was all over the holos in the Western Regions. So gruesome! Blasted by one of his own bodyguards!”

 

Hux _really_ wished he had one of those drinks. Or maybe less self-control. Too bad Kylo Ren wasn’t there. He could have sliced this man to pieces and everyone would have clucked their tongues, Ren would have been scolded, and everyone would be fine. Other than the Ambassador, of course.

 

Amidala had a strange look on his face. “Wait… _Commandant_ Hux? Of Arkanis?”

 

“The one and only,” grinned Creet. “Man knew how to train the best, that’s for sure. Too bad he didn’t _hire_ the best!”

 

“Indeed,” Hux murmured.

 

“Ambassador,” Amidala said softly. “Your drink is empty. You need another.”

 

Ambassador Creet stared down at his near-full glass. “By the Maker, my drink is empty! Pardon me, boys, but I need another.” And the Ambassador walked away, still accosting people along the way with his rough enthusiasm. Hux stared at Amidala, who had a far too innocent look on his face.

 

“He must be drunker than he looks,” the Senator said lightly. “He didn’t stay to hear the rest of the joke.”

 

“Oh, but I would _love_ you hear the rest, if you care to finish.”

 

The new voice came from a very tall, slender woman in sweeping white robes trimmed in red. Her voice was a honey-sweet alto, and matched her careful demeanor as she walked up behind Senator Amidala. She wore a very strange headdress, almost more a mask or a thick veil that covered to top half of her face, hiding her eyes. The rest of her face was done up in white and red paint. Hux immediately thought of ancient pagan priestesses in their ceremonial garb.

 

Senator Amidala turned to greet her, and then promptly burst into hysterical laughter. Hux, Phasma, and the newcomer all stared at him. Amidala seemed barely able to hold himself up, nearly doubled over, his face reddening. Several people nearby turned to look for the source of all the noise. Hux found himself wondering what would happen if he simply shot the man, put him out of his misery.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” said the Senator, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. “Outbursts of unexplainable emotion… a family failing, I’m afraid.” He turned to face the woman, still fighting back laughter. “It is good to see you again,” he said, sweeping a low bow. “I have to admit that I was not expecting you this evening.”

 

“It is good to see you as well,” said the woman with a soft smile. “But I’ve interrupted your conversation, Luke. Who are your charming friends?”

 

Amidala nearly burst into laughter again, judging by the way he covered his mouth and closed his eyes for a moment. “This is General Hux of the First Order and his Captain, Phasma.”

 

Hux nodded stiffly, but Phasma stepped forward and bowed. “My Lady,” she said.

 

The woman lowered her head in a graceful movement. “It is good to meet both of you. My name is Countess Anahira Falatine Neeyutnee of Naboo. I was a friend of Senator Amidala’s mother.” She held her arms in front of her, her long, full sleeves hiding her hands. Hux wondered how many weapons could be hidden in such sleeves.

 

“Yes. My mother told me many stories of your… escapades together,” the Senator said with a wry smile.

 

“Oh my,” murmured the Countess. “And you still speak to me in public? Your kindness knows no bounds.”

 

Amidala laughed again, though not as loudly this time. The Countess turned towards Hux. When facing her directly, she was a bit… uncanny. The way her eyeless mask obscured her features reminded Hux suddenly of dealing with Ren.

 

“General,” she said. “I find myself rather curious about you. The little I’ve heard about you suggests something near fanaticism in your followers. In person, however, you seem very… practical.”

 

“My lady, if loyalty, devotion, and honor are viewed as nothing more than fanaticism, then that error is on you, not the First Order.”

 

She smiled a bit, seemingly pleased. “It is,” she said, then swept her arms in a grand gesture. “What have you-”

 

Her sleeve caught on the glass of a passing dignitary, dragging it from his hand. Unthinking, Hux reached out and caught the glass before it could spill.

 

“Oh!” she said softly. “Thank you, General.” She smiled again, though none of her teeth showed, and leaned a bit towards him as he handed the drink back to the startled pompadour whose hands it had been snagged from. “You have quick reflexes.”

 

Hux didn’t let his face react. “The result of extensive training, Countess.”

 

“Impressive,” she murmured. “Might I ask if anything _else_ of yours is the result of training?”

 

Senator Amidala began coughing. Phasma gave Hux a look that he could not quite interpret fast enough before it was gone.

 

The Countess continued. “Perhaps we could discuss such things in a quieter location? Crowds always give me a headache.”

 

A choking sound came from Amidala. “Countess!” He sounded completely scandalized.

 

The Countess turned back to him. “Yes?” she asked innocently.

 

The Senator sputtered a bit before regaining his composure. Hux savored the moment. “I… was under the impression that you and I would have the opportunity to speak this evening.”

 

“I’m sure we will. After I have the chance for a stimulating conversation with the General…”

 

“My Lady,” Phasma interrupted, stepping forward with a short bow. “I’m afraid I must interject. General Hux has a previously arranged engagement this evening.”

 

Hux frowned at Phasma. He didn’t remember any such engagement, but Phasma gave him a very stern look. “Yes,” said Hux. “I do. My apologies, Countess.”

 

“Ah,” she said softly. “I understand. Then I will bid you a good evening, General Hux.”

 

The Countess swept her robes around herself and began moving away, across the large room.

 

“Are you… running away from me?” Senator Amidala called after her.

 

“I’ll speak with you later, Luke,” she called over her shoulder.

 

Hux saw the Senator’s face come close to actual cold fury. “You will _not_ run from me!”

 

The Countess hesitated, but she did not turn around. Amidala took a step towards her, his expression imperious. “You will _never_ run from me…” His voice was still strong, but Hux could hear some deeper emotion threatening to break through. “Because my father is Anakin Skywalker, and I am my father’s son.”

 

Hux wasn’t sure who this Anakin was, but he’d heard the name Skywalker. Was Amidala actually admitting in public that he was related to the Resistance General? He’d certainly been vocal in his support of the Resistance, but to be related to their leader…

 

Slowly, the Countess turned to face Luke, her smile gone. She tilted her head a little. “You must be very serious,” she said. “If you are invoking that name.”

 

Amidala said nothing, gave no response, only met her hidden gaze with a strange, calm intensity. The Countess walked back towards him, but stopped when she drew close to Hux.

 

“General Hux,” she whispered, without facing him. “I had hoped… I’m sorry. For occupying your time needlessly.” She continued until she was close enough to Luke that he held his arm out for her. She linked their arms together, though she must have been four or five inches taller than he, and they walked away quietly, side by side.

 

Once they disappeared into the crowd, Hux reached into his pocket for his cigarra case. “Captain,” he said, snapping it open. “Did you manage to follow more of that than I did?”

 

Phasma relaxed into parade rest. “The Countess was attempting to have sex with you, sir.”

 

Oh. That made… some of what had just happened make more sense.

 

“Of course,” he said aloud. “Why wouldn’t she? Anything else?”

 

“I think that smoking those in here is frowned upon, sir.”

 

Hux sighed and pulled a cigarra out anyway. “Then let’s find a place I _am_ allowed to smoke,” he snapped. People were giving him sideways glances. They had been all night. It was supremely irritating.

 

Thankfully, it didn’t take too long to find a side-room with an open window. Hux quickly pulled out the cigarra case again, fishing through its small hidden compartment for what he needed. “Here,” he said, handing the case back to Phasma and quickly piecing together the small surveillance droid.

 

“Aren’t those extremely illegal?” Phasma said with a sharp smile.

 

“Very,” Hux said. He set the droid on the ground and watched it skitter under the door.

 

Hux pulled out his datapad and opened the remote setting for the droid. Carefully, he maneuvered the thing through the party. He didn’t have a holo-feed from it, since that component would have made it too large to fit in the cigarra case, but it could watch out for itself. Hux often found that he only needed to listen.It didn’t take long before the sensor on it registered Senator Amidala’s voice. Eagerly, Hux set it to record and transmit to his comm so he could hear it at the same time.

 

“I have to admit, Countess _Ana,_  that your appearance this evening will remain a treasured memory in my heart for years to come.”

 

A small, low giggle. “I’ve never heard you laugh so hard, Luke. It was definitely worth it.”

 

Phasma frowned and leaned a bit closer. Hux held up his comm so they could both hear better.

 

A sigh. “It’s almost enough to tempt me to invite you to more parties. Watching you terrorize the guests is _fantastic._ ”

 

“I don’t _terrorize_ anyone.”

 

“You absolutely do. Without even trying.”

 

A pause. “Luke. I found him.”

 

A longer, heavier pause. “You… you brilliant, bloody great... How?”

 

“You don’t want to know. He’s in the upper ranks of the First Order, one of the Knights of Ren.”

 

“The Knights of Ren?”

 

“Snoke’s… select and elite few. You’ll probably hear of them more, in the days to come.”

 

“And Ben is one of these Knights? How do you know?” Another pause. “Howdo you _know?_ ” Amidala repeated, harsher.

 

“Alright, so I’m not entirely _absolutely_ sure that it’s him. He wears a mask all the time.”

 

“You’re joking.”

 

“No. And Snoke keeps him close, under his control. I’ll have to wait for a chance to get closer.”

 

A longer pause. “What is your interest in the First Order General? Hux… what was his first name?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You were practically harassing the man, earlier. And I could feel the way you were looking at him.”

 

“General Hux is… an oddity. Did you notice-”

 

“His reflexes when he caught that glass? Yes. He isn't Force-sensitive, though, or he would have noticed your... entrance to the party. I thought my ears were going to bleed.”

 

“Sorry. I was trying to prove a point. You're right, though. He's not very sensitive to the Force at all, which only makes him more peculiar.”

 

“Is he going to be a problem?”

 

There was a very long pause. Hux felt the hair on his arms stand on end.

 

“No. Snoke has him just as tightly leashed as Ben. Even if… the General does not yet realize how ensnared he is. How… caged.” Hux scowled a bit.

 

“Sounds like you like him.”

 

“What’s not to like?”

 

Amidala laughed. “Of course. For a moment I almost forgot who I was talking to.”

 

“Did you really?”

 

“No. That was sarcasm.”

 

“Thank goodness. For a moment I was worried that all these political schemes had rotted your brain.”

 

“We worry about you, you know. It would be nice to hear from you more often.”

 

“I can’t exactly converse freely when I’m spying on people, Luke.”

 

“You hardly even talk to the sisters.”

 

“Like I said-”

 

“And one encrypted, coded message every five years is hardly enough.”

 

“Enough?”

 

“You know what I mean. I… we _all_ miss you.”

 

“You’d feel it if I died.”

 

“Well, there is a vast space between ‘remembering to eat more than once a month’ and ‘dead’.”

 

“I remember to eat.”

 

“More than once a month?”

 

“The First Order makes sure its soldiers are fed.”

 

“You didn’t answer the question.”

 

“You are so much like your mother.”

 

“Still avoiding.”

 

“So stubborn.”

 

“Well…” Amidala spoke quietly. “Maybe I feel that… you should never have to wonder if there’s someone who loves you.”

 

They were quiet for a moment. “Thank you, Luke. I… I love you, too.” Another pause. “Don’t worry about General Hux. I’ll make sure he doesn’t interfere.”

 

“And if you find any information about this superweapon the First Order is rumored to be building-”

 

“You’ll be the first to know.”

 

“Alright. We should leave separately.”

 

Hux entered the ‘recall’ function for the surveillance droid, his heart thudding in his chest. He checked the recorder, almost not daring to look at Phasma yet and see her reaction. It looked as though he managed to record the entire conversation. And the transmission had gone through to send it to his personal comm aboard the Finalizer. He hurried and sent another copy to Phasma with the message attached ‘for safe-keeping’.

  
A spy. There was a spy in the First Order. Hux would have to comb through the recording word by word. This ‘Countess’ would not remain hidden for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin’s face and stomach hurt from laughing so much. “Did you see-”
> 
> “His face!” Padmé cackled, collapsed on the floor behind her desk. “Kriffing hell! I thought his eyes were going to pop out!”
> 
> Anakin managed to stagger away from the door to lean over the desk and grin down at Padmé. “Force! Why didn’t I let you talk me into this earlier? That was the _best_!”
> 
> Padmé laughed more, her hands over her face. “Well, we won’t have to worry about those rumors about ‘Amidala and Skywalker’ for a while. That was _great_! Did you see-”
> 
> “He really thought I was your handmaiden! Stars, Padmé. I was enjoying the dressing up already, but that-”
> 
> “Ah, my stomach hurts from laughing,” Padmé sighed, then laughed a bit more. “Ani… you really are beautiful!” She pushed herself back upright to kiss him, passionate and still a bit giggly. “This might be my favorite thing we’ve done since we’ve been married!”
> 
> Anakin kissed her back, then pulled away with a conniving grin. “Your favorite?”
> 
> “Well… second favorite. And I’m still hoping for it to lead to my first favorite…”
> 
> “Hmm,” Anakin hummed as he kissed along her jaw. “I believe you were saying something about how much you liked the way I use my mouth…”
> 
> **********
> 
> Snuggled against each other, Anakin pressed a kiss into Padmé’s hair.
> 
> “I love you,” he whispered.
> 
> She hummed, and grinned against his skin. “I know.”


	13. Between Your Mask and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is determined. He will find the spy that is reporting to the Resistance. He will complete the weapon Starkiller. And he will find the man who betrayed his father.
> 
> He does, eventually, of course, do all these things, just in reverse of that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin lifted his head up from the dust, though it still stained him, filled his eyes and nose and mouth. He shuddered. Every movement was searing pain. Trembling, he lifted his hands to his face, his head, his neck, his shoulders. The feeling was strange, like his hands weren't really his own, anymore.
> 
> A scratchy, scrabbling sound came from above him, and he looked up, his eyes bleary with tears that now cut paths through the dust on his face. Perched on the rock above, a black bird watched him, its head tilted to one side as if curious.
> 
> “Oh,” he said. “This dream, again.” Which was… wrong. He didn't remember ever having this dream before.
> 
> “Why are you crying, Sky?” asked the bird, its eyes a bright blue.
> 
> “Because I'm hurt,” Anakin answered. “Everything hurts.”
> 
> The bird hopped back and forth, clicking its beak. “The only reason you are in pain is because of your own choices.”
> 
> “I know,” said Anakin. “That just makes it worse.”
> 
> “Tell me, Sky, do you think there could be a sin that cannot be forgiven?”
> 
> Anakin blinked. “What do you mean?”
> 
> “Say… a man kills his own father. Can he be forgiven?”
> 
> Huddled in the dust, Anakin sighed. “I’m the wrong person to ask about fathers, Revan.”
> 
> “But I'm asking you.”
> 
> Anakin looked at the black bird again. It was hurt, too. Blood dripped from its feathers. Anakin could feel its pain as his own.
> 
> “I don't know about unforgivable sins,” Anakin said slowly, tasting blood in his mouth. “But I am thankful that I knew your father.”
> 
> The black bird shook its feathers. “You’ll come and find me, right, Sky?”
> 
> “Of course I will, Revan,” Anakin said with a tremulous smile. “Didn't I promise?”
> 
> “No matter how long it takes?”
> 
> “No matter how long it takes.”
> 
> Anakin woke in Padmé’s arms. It took an hour for him to stop shaking.

Ren leaned forward, his mask tilted like the head of an animal, listening.

 

Five seconds into the recording, he made a scratchy, scoffing sound. “This is pointless,” he growled.

 

Hux paused the playback. “Lord Ren,” he said. “This is important. If there is a spy-”

 

“Of _course_ there's a spy,” Ren snapped. “An operation on the scale of Starkiller? The Resistance would have been spying on us for a while. But this conversation… between two powerful Force-users? They knew you were listening, Hux.”

 

“What.” Hux’s voice was flat.

 

“This recording is nothing but a performance piece, orchestrated entirely for your benefit.” He breathed in. “And mine,” he added quietly.

 

“Start it over,” Phasma said quietly. “Sir.”

 

Hux did, but paused it again after the conversation turned to the Knights of Ren. “Are they talking about you?” Hux asked Ren.

 

Ren took a moment to respond. “Excuse me?”

 

“Are you this ‘Ben’ they’re talking about?”

 

Leather creaked as Ren clenched his hands into tight fists, his breathing gone ragged. “Don’t. Say. That name.” Hux thought of those nights he’d heard Ren scream the name in his quarters, as if besieged by an enemy.

 

“Are you who they are talking-”

 

“You’re very smart, General,” Ren snarled, his shoulders hunched as if braced for a physical blow. “I’m sure you can figure it out on your own.”

 

Hux decided not to press the issue further. They listened to more.

 

“I’ve heard that voice,” Phasma said quietly.

 

Hux looked at her. Her expression was one of deep intent and concentration, her eyes narrowed as she stared at the device on Hux’s desk.

 

“How can you be sure?” Hux asked.

 

“I can’t be certain,” Phasma replied. “But when you spend almost all of your time with those whose faces are hidden… you get pretty good at identifying people by voice. I’ve heard the Countess somewhere before. I thought so at the party, but the more I listen to this the more sure I am. But…”

 

“But?” Hux prompted.

 

“It’s altered. They’ve altered their voice, this spy. Either as the Countess or undercover in the First Order. Possibly both. There’s only so much a human can do to change the sound of their voice, however.”

 

Ren made a crackling noise through his mask, like he was trying to clear his throat, or was gagging. It was hard to tell sometimes, with Ren. “You assume the spy is human.” He sounded strained.

 

Phasma and Hux both looked at him, and the Knight actually flinched.

 

“Ren,” Hux said. “If this spy is interested in you… do you know who it is?”

 

Ren held very still for a moment, not even breathing. “I have… a suspicion.”

 

“Give me a name.”

 

He shook his head. “This… entity... has altered their identity so many time over the years… Any name I gave you would be useless. Well, except maybe one. And that one… you wouldn’t believe me.”

 

Hux crossed his arms. “Try me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Ren…”

 

“I just told you that any name I gave you would be useless. Leave it.”

 

Hux scoffed, but he didn’t want Ren throwing a fit and leaving before Hux asked him what he _actually_ wanted to know. He continued the recording.

 

_Don’t worry about General Hux. I’ll make sure he doesn’t interfere._

 

Hux fought back a shiver. There was such a strange intensity in the way ‘the Countess’ had said those words. It carried over the recording, leaving Hux feeling cold, the hair on his arms standing up. Ren’s mask stared straight at him as he reached down to stop the playback before it could loop back and restart.

 

“Lord Ren,” Hux said firmly. “Over the course of our co-commandership you have given me plenty of examples of the physical manifestations of your wizardry.”

 

Ren visibly bristled, but Hux continued. “What are the possible mental or psychological applications?”

 

Ren’s physicality visibly went slack, as if with genuine shock. “Mental?”

 

“Telepathy, mind-control, anything like that?”

 

Ren took a deep breath, then another. “What… what did you observe, Hux, that would lead you to that thought?”

 

“Answer my question first, Ren.” Hux forced his jaw to relax. “Can you read minds?”

 

Ren leaned his torso forward. “Yes, Hux. I can _read minds_ , since you put it so crudely.” He eased back into his slouch. “But you can relax about it. Manipulating the minds of others is a filthy Jedi trick. And I actively put effort into keeping my mind separate from those around me.”

 

Hux had already figured that Ren wasn’t reading his mind. If he had been, their conversations over the years would have all gone rather differently.

 

Ren’s head tilted almost completely to one side. “General,” he said, slowly, letting the syllables linger. “Where… who did you see do this?”

 

Hux scratched at his chin, replaying the moment in his head. “Senator Luke Amidala. He… convinced a man that his drink-”

 

The sound Ren was making was not remotely human, somewhere between animal and machine, grinding and growling through Hux’s head. “ _Luke_ did?” another coughing growl as Ren hunched over himself, almost devolving as Hux watched. “Fuck! _Why?_ Why would he do that? He should _know_ better!”

 

Hux stepped forward, almost, unthinkingly, putting his hands out as if to grab Ren’s shoulders. He put his hands back down before he actually did. “Ren, calm down!”

 

Ren growled at him. “That was a very significant risk,” he snarled, like bone stuck in grinding gears. “The Senator took a _risk_ , Hux. He should _know_ better.”

 

“Would you care to explain, Lord Ren?” Phasma said calmly. Something in her tone seemed to cut through Ren’s anger.

 

“For the Senator Amidala,” the Knight said, holding his arms at a strange angle, as if he’d forgotten where he put them. “Who is powerful, but has received very little training in the Force, such an action was very risky. He could have hurt his own mind, the mind of his target, or both. And he knows better...” Ren straightened himself out and looked towards Hux. “Why would he do that? What was worth that?”

 

Hux wanted to ask how the Knight knew so much about the Senator, but Ren pressed forward.

 

“What was the topic of conversation, Hux? What words were said? This is _important_ , Hux, more important than picking apart that recording for clues. _This_ is what we need to figure out…”

 

Hux tensed, and looked to Phasma. He didn’t mean to look like he was searching for her support, but she nodded her head at him as if in encouragement.

 

“Ambassador Creet,” Hux muttered. “He was… talking about my father.”

 

Ren managed to look startled even with the helmet, his hands dropping and his head tilting. “Your… father?”

 

“Commandant Brendol Hux of Arkanis.” Hux took a deep breath. “Ambassador Creet was talking about the circumstances surrounding my father’s death, and Senator Amidala… persuaded him to leave.”

 

The Knight said nothing, only very slowly moved his head to one side. Hux tucked his hands at the small of his back, feeling himself move into parade rest and his face slip into careful neutrality. “My father had just returned to the Outer Rim from a visit to Coruscant when he was… shot several times at point blank range by the bodyguard he had hired for the trip.” Hux felt his breathing starting to speed up just a little, but he couldn’t seem to slow it back down. “The… the killer was never caught.”

 

Hux knew very well that Kylo Ren was… strange. If there was a pattern to his emotional reactions to anything, Hux had not yet deciphered that pattern. Still, Ren managed to surprise him in this instance. The Knight stood very still for just under five seconds, and then turned and walked out the door of Hux’s office without another word.

 

Hux looked at Phasma, who was staring after Ren with narrowed eyes. Her hand strayed to the blaster slung over her shoulder.

 

“Stand down,” Hux said quietly to her. “I’ll handle this.”

 

He stepped out into the hall, intending to follow Ren and confront him. Obviously, Ren was having _some_ kind of emotion about _something_ , though Hux was rarely able to follow the chain of emotional links that often triggered Ren’s mood swings. Out in the hall, however, Hux collided with the Knight, who had apparently only walked through the door. And then stopped.

 

“Ren,” Hux said sharply. He tried not to let his voice shake. Ren was solid, like a durasteel pole that Hux had just run into. The General felt his chest aching, his body seemingly reacting to the physical contact, as accidental as it had been. He ran a hand over his ribs as Ren turned around.

 

“General,” Ren said, his voice flat. Machine-like. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

 

Hux ran his eyes over Ren. The mask hid his face, but… Hux felt as though Ren could be… discerned. Sometimes.

 

“You think that Senator Amidala… knows who that bodyguard was. Is.”

 

Ren breathed. In and out. Hux was suddenly aware of how close they were standing. Very near. If Ren were unmasked, Hux would feel those breaths.

 

“Hux, I-”

 

Footsteps, and a pair of officers rounded the corner, their heads close in conversation. Ren stepped back quickly, almost as if startled away, a shy creature.

 

“If Lu-Senator Amidala took the actions you say he did, General, then he must know the identity of that bodyguard.” Ren straightened himself to his full height. “He must be… attempting to protect that person… Or thinks he is… How foolish...”

 

“Ren-”

  
“Good evening, General.” Ren nodded to Hux, and then swept away, those damnable robes carrying that gunpowder-smoke smell with them. Though it lingered on Hux where they had touched. He didn’t go after Ren this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brendol Hux took another sip of his dry, fruity alcohol.
> 
> “It only stands to reason,” he said. “That those who are stronger will survive. It’s simple logic. Soon, the remnants of the Empire will return.”
> 
> Ajin smirked at him over her own glass. “And what of that son of yours? Will he be the best the Empire has to offer?”
> 
> The former Commandant bristled. “I don’t much care for your tone, Captain, nor your implication. Evan is hardly the standard. Weak-willed, thin as a slip of paper and just as useless. But I’m sure that among soft Core-Worlders he would be seen as a veritable giant.”
> 
> Ajin took a step forward, towards Hux, but she stopped. Brendol Hux smiled. A Force-Sensitive bodyguard had been worth every credit. The mercenary Boaz stood still and quiet in the corner, his cybernetic eye gleaming white from under his deep hood. Hux wasn’t even certain that the bodyguard was holding her back physically. It could be that a mere inhale from him could have stopped her, intimidated her into immobile silence.
> 
> “You fatted bantha,” she sneered. “Soon you’ll be slaughtered and gutted, spread out to rot like your failed Empire.”
> 
> “You dare say such things to a guest?”
> 
> Her eyes flickered toward the lurking Boaz, but she nodded. “I dare. You place too much faith in the people around you.”


	14. Between Your Friends and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt the Radar Technician and stormtrooper FN-2187 have lunch.
> 
> 8/14/16 edit: On reading through stuff this week, I realized that I still had a placeholder quote in the end notes rather than the scene that actually goes there. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin walked up to the group of padawans playing in the courtyard. He tugged at his clothes. The growth spurt he was going through had left all of his robes and shirts and trousers fitting differently. Obi-Wan said he was growing up. Really, Ani just felt awkward. He kept hitting his head on doorframes and bumping into people when he thought he'd given them enough space.
> 
> "Hey!" Anakin cried out with a smile and a wave. "Can I play?"
> 
> Padawan Tres glanced over at him. "Sorry, Anakin!" he yelled. "The teams are even, so you'd throw it off."
> 
> "I can go find someone else to play," Anakin ventured, shuffling his feet as he watched padawan Yoran toss the ball across the courtyard.
> 
> Tres grimaced, glancing back at the others. "Sorry, Anakin, but this game is really best with smaller groups. Maybe next time?"
> 
> "Oh," Anakin said. "Sure. Next time, then."  
>  
> 
> _Look at him leave. Doing just what he's been told. Little slave boy..._
> 
>  
> 
> Anakin didn't let Obi-Wan see any tears, but he felt like his teacher knew anyway.

Matt the Radar Technician slumped into his seat and picked at his food, a frown on his face. Everything felt like it was spinning out of control, which was ridiculous. Things were going according to plan. All was in place for Kylo Ren to achieve everything he wanted. It was just…

 

Hux.

 

Kylo hadn’t ever felt like he was lying to people when he gave them a name other than his, for lack of a better term, original name. Names were just like clothes after all. They didn’t say who you really were, but they could be used to hide, to protect, to reveal, to strengthen. He sighed and scrubbed at his face. This was ridiculous. He _couldn’t_ tell Hux his… other names… Not yet, at least. Probably not ever.

 

To tell Hux the truth would be far too dangerous. It would put everyone at risk. Hux, Kylo, Solum Ren…

 

No. Better to keep quiet. Nothing had to change. No matter how Kylo’s pulse raced when he thought of Hux’s eyes, seeming to see through him, everything about him, despite the mask. Just remember. Think of how little Hux cared when he gave orders to kill, to wound, to hurt. How little death and suffering affected the General.

 

“Morning, Matt.”

 

Matt blinked and adjusted his glasses. “Oh! Hello TK-1244.”

 

The trooper sat diagonally from Matt. “You’re such a freak, Matt. Do you always eat with your work gloves on?”

 

Matt glanced down at his hands, safely concealed under rough leather. “Yes? Is that weird?”

 

The trooper laughed, drawing attention from other people nearby. “Super weird, Matt.”

 

“You know who’s really weird, though? You, Fours,” FN-2187 set his tray next to Fours, directly across from Matt. “I mean, come on. You wear your socks in the shower.”

 

Fours’ olive complexion turned red, and nearby listeners laughed. “I… it’s more hygienic!”

 

“No it isn’t,” laughed FN-2187. “You’re just weird.”

 

Huffing in indignation, the offended trooper stood and took his tray elsewhere, people still snickering at his back. Matt looked back at FN-2187, who was calmly eating as if nothing had just happened.

 

“Thanks,” Matt muttered to the table.

 

FN shrugged. “Fours says things without thinking. But you’re welcome.” He grinned. “Are you going to have me try to levitate droids again today?”

 

“I dunno.” Matt bit his lip. “Things are a little busy.”

 

“Busy?”

 

“General Hux thinks there’s a spy in the First Order.”

 

FN rolled his eyes without moving his head. Matt grinned and wondered how many stormtroopers were rolling their eyes at any given moment behind their masks. “What could have possibly given him that idea, I wonder?”

 

“I considered telling him that the spy was Darth Vader, but then I decided not to, as funny as his reaction would have been.”

 

FN coughed, his eyes watering. He must have been trying to swallow. “Kriff, you should have, and then told me how he reacted. Can you imagine?”

 

“I’m sure he’ll figure it out eventually,” Matt grinned.

 

Talking with FN was nice. Kylo was, perhaps unsurprisingly, already good friends with the trooper. He enjoyed making friends with troopers.

 

“Your shields are leaking again,” FN said into his protein milk.

 

Kylo felt his face turn red and carefully rebuilt his mental walls. FN was getting way too good. Or had always had a knack for such things. It had only been their second training session when FN had figured out Kylo’s former name.

 

“You really never had other friends?” FN asked quietly, slipping an image under the door, so to speak, of Kylo’s mind. An inquiring thought attached to a scene he’d picked from Kylo’s head of little Jedi children training together.

 

“I never really fit in among the Jedi,” Kylo whispered. “No matter how hard I tried. I was always… too different. Too much and not enough at the same time. Stormtroopers… I dunno. I’ve always got along well with them.”

 

FN slipped him another image. This one of himself running through training simulations with his squad, doing better than the others and standing out too much for it, but not being quiet forceful enough to demand their companionship anyway.

 

“I know what you mean,” murmured FN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wood of the practice stave felt heavy in Ben’s hands, the smooth surface polished by years of use. His clothes clung to him, heavy and damp with a combination of the humid jungle air and his own sweat. He tried to relax the scowl of frustration on his face; it was starting to hurt. Again, he moved through the katas, willing his body into the movements that so often were the only escape he had. Not to mention that it was the only time he felt like he had full control over his rapidly-growing limbs. Today, though, it seemed even this wasn’t going to be quite enough.
> 
>  
> 
> _I just have to do it right. Will she ever look at me like that? I wonder what’s for dinner. Master Leia said my meditations were coming along well. I should tell him his shoe is untied._
> 
>  
> 
> Ben rubbed at his ear, sweat sticking his hair to his skin. They were so loud. Why were they all so loud, today? The minds of all the other students at Mom’s school weren’t even thinking about him, but they still seemed to be attacking him from all sides.
> 
>  _I hope I can make it back to that pond later today. I wish he was brave enough to just come and talk to me. I want to be better- I don’t like- I only- I could- I need - I was-_
> 
> Ben felt his knees hit against stone, jarring up his legs and spine. He heard the stave clatter to the ground beside him, but all of it was so distant. Shaking, he tried to calm down, to reach out to the sisters, anything…
> 
>  
> 
> _What’s wrong with him? He’s so strange. I know he’s Master Leia’s son, but-_
> 
>  
> 
> “Ben?”
> 
> Ben looked up from where he was kneeling, all but rocking on the ground. “Rey,” he whispered. Her mind was blessedly quiet, the calm in the storm. She tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear and smiled at him, her hazel eyes warm and excited. “I didn’t know you were here.”
> 
> She knelt on the ground next to him, not at all put off by how weird he was acting. “Mom and I just got here.”
> 
> Ben wasn’t sure how she did it. No one else in their incredibly bizarre family had mental shields so strong, or such excellent control over their emotions. She could get riled up, could get mad or cry or whatever emotion she wanted, but at her core she was steady, strong, and immovable, unshaken even by Ben’s wild moods.
> 
> “Is Kylo here?”
> 
> Normally, Ben would tease her about wanting to see Kylo more than himself, but he was still shaking and all but leaning into her for comfort. “No. He hasn't been around in a few weeks.”
> 
> She frowned for a moment, but soon was smiling again. “It’s good to see you, Ben.”
> 
> But it wasn’t _really_ good, was it? Ben stared down at his hands. His clumsy, oversized hands. His whole family had such expectations for him, but he couldn’t keep up with them, no matter how hard he tried. And the other Jedi students could only see how he was different from them, even as he lost himself in their minds. Ben didn’t really fit anywhere, didn’t belong. No matter how much he wanted to.
> 
> “You’ll be alright, Ben,” Rey whispered, curling up next to him.
> 
> _She doesn’t understand,_ whispered a dark voice in his head.


	15. Between Your Shadows and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux contemplates what it is he really feels for Kylo Ren.
> 
> You know... once upon a time this was a crackfic. It's still ridiculous, of course. There's just angst, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You lied to me.”
> 
> “I didn’t! I-”
> 
> “But you didn’t tell the truth!”
> 
> Padmé wrung her hands. “I… You said soulmarks didn’t matter, that we shouldn’t let them get in the way of our choices.”
> 
> “You’re twisting my words and you know it.”
> 
> Padmé bit her lip and stared up at Anakin with pleading eyes. “Would you have refused to marry me if you had known?”
> 
> “I...I don’t know, love. I just… I feel trapped… I-I just... two people I love…” He looked down at their hands, both trying so hard to hold on to each other.
> 
> “I’m the _between_ ,” he said softly.

Hux cradled his head in his hands at the end of his shift, his elbows propped on his desk. The achy feeling was back, and as stubborn as Hux was, he finally had to admit to himself that the source seemed to be Kylo Ren. Even as he let that thought form, the tightness in his chest increased, spreading out to his arms.

 

Worse, though, was that he thought he could put a name to the feeling. Or part of it. Affection. How preposterous. But four years was a long time for denial, and Hux couldn’t do it any more. Especially if he was going to die as soon as he thought.

 

Alright. Affection. Hux could deal with that. He got out his datapad and created a blank file.

 

  * Affection for Kylo Ren?
    * Hypothesis: Familiarity with his inability to function like a normal person has possibly created a sympathetic response.
      * Physiological reaction to thoughts of Ren which do not occur otherwise:
        * Chest ache
        * Arm pain
        * Stinging of eyes
        * Increase in pulse and breath rate



 

At least Hux could be reasonably sure that it was nothing more that emotional affection. Anything more than that would be absurd. And the thought of being sexually attracted to a being whom he had never actually seen was preposterous…

 

_ Close. So close. The smell of smoke and metal. Harsh breathing, like white noise, static in Hux’s ears. Warm, solid. Dark fabric rough against Hux’s fingertips as he moved it out of the way. Ren leaning his body forward, pressing against Hux as if seeking, begging for more contact, as bare as it was. And Hux was ready to give it, pressing his lips and teeth against edges of robes, peeling them away, eager hands searching… finding… _

 

Hux swallowed heavily. Alright then. Being sexually attracted to idiots in dark robes and helmets was a thought he could explore later. Alone. Later. In his bed. With his hand. Later.

 

  * Reasons Not to Pursue
    * Ren’s violent emotional instability.
      * Hypothetical Counterpoint: What if knowledge that someone actually cares about him could stabilize Ren’s moods?
    * There is no way to know what Supreme Leader Snoke’s reaction would be.
      * Note: Information regarding how easily the Supreme Leader can acquire information would be useful, and not just in this instance.
    * Fraternization could disrupt chain of command.
      * Counterpoint: Co-commandership with Ren is already chaotic at best. And technically he is independent, not really a part of the First Order ranking.
    * Ren would be hurt by the loss.



 

Hux stared at that last line he had entered. There was no getting around that one. No counterpoint. As dangerous as Ren’s missions were, he was powerful enough to survive far more than Hux could. And even if Hux miraculously survived long enough to finish Starkiller and enact his glorious plan of destruction… Hux wouldn’t live much longer than that. Ren would certainly outlive him. There was an overabundance of evidence showing how easily Ren became deeply emotionally attached to people, empathetic and compassionate, as much as that seemed to contradict his violent nature. If Hux were to allow something deeper to form between them, and then Ren lost Hux…

 

Hux wondered if heartbreak like that could kill someone.

 

No. This was enough. Hux closed the file, not bothering to save it, and slipped the datapad to the edge of his desk, the edges lined up neatly. As much as Hux would enjoy a… a dalliance with the Knight, or even just a friendship, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t make Ren lose someone like that. It was… to much to ask of Ren for a little bit of pleasure for himself. He could do without.

 

Hux ignored the new gaping hole in his chest that formed when he made that decision. It wasn’t a loss, he told himself. He never had Ren to begin with. Ren was never his. Hux tightened his hands into fists and kept them in his pockets as much as he could while he prepared for sleep. He had to. Had to keep his fingers from finding that name over his heart.

 

Ky.

  
Steadfast in his choice, Hux ignored how damp his pillow was as he fell asleep. Those weren’t tears. There was nothing to grieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her eyes hurt. Everything hurt, really, but Padmé felt her mind focusing on her eyes, rubbed raw and red. Briefly, she wondered how long she’d been crying. Focusing on her eyes meant that for a few seconds she could ignore the gaping wound in her chest. Judging by how much the ice in the glass at her elbow had melted, it had been at least an hour.
> 
> Her eyes were too dry, cried out. There were no tears left to fall right now. She had no doubt that they’d be back. For now, though, all she had left were sobs that made her ribs ache, that stole her breath and tried to kill her.
> 
> Padmé glanced in the mirror over her dresser. She looked dreadful, but she tucked her hair back and wiped away the worst of the tear-stains. Very carefully, she opened the top drawer and checked on the tiny box, carved from adelwood with a delicate touch. She lifted the lid, just to reassure herself that they were still there. The last thing Anakin had asked of her was to take care of them, and she swore deep in her heart that she would. With every fiber of her soul and body. She kissed them and set them back, tucking them away for now, to keep them safe until she could take them away from this dreadful planet, away from all the horror…
> 
> Stepping out of her room, she froze. “You,” she said, feeling a snarl pull at her lips.
> 
> Obi-Wan lifted his head, but couldn’t meet her glare for more than an instant. He was sitting on the floor, his back to the wall. Exhaustion lined his face, and Padmé could see soot still clinging to some of his hair, his jaw. His pose mimicked meditation, but there was nothing peaceful about the broken man before her.
> 
> Padmé felt a rage like nothing she’d even known before build at the base of her spine. “Get out,” she said, her voice brimming with fire. “You betrayed and killed my husband. There is nothing for you here.”
> 
> He shuddered, and curled into himself. “There is nothing for me anywhere,” he whispered. “I’m already dead. Palpatine has ordered all of the Jedi killed on sight.”
> 
> Padmé reached out blindly, snatching up the first thing that came to hand. She hurled a decorative vase at him, new sobs tearing through her. Her throw was dreadful. The vase cracked into three pieces a foot away from Obi-Wan. He didn’t flinch, but he lifted his gaze a little, staring into empty space at Padmé’s left.
> 
> “I never want to see you again!” she screamed, though her voice kept cracking. She hated that she was still crying, that she couldn’t be one of those people who were frightening in their anger. Everyone should fear her, when her heart hurt this much.
> 
> “I know,” Obi-Wan said.
> 
> “I hope you die!”
> 
> The man’s expression finally changed. Grief. “I do, too,” he whispered, running his hands over his eyes as if he could hold back something.
> 
> “Stop it!” Padmé yelled. “Stop! You… You don’t-”
> 
> She couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying. He looked utterly broken, huddled in his robes on her floor, his hands over his face. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” he wept. “I thought I was protecting the people I loved… but now I’ve lost everything. Even things that I never had.”
> 
> Padmé swallowed and wiped at her own eyes. They itched horribly. “Leave,” she whispered. “Please leave, Ben. Don’t make me ask again.”


	16. Between Your Burdens and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux celebrates his birthday with extra gusto.
> 
> Me: *stares longingly out the window* When will my comedic writing come home from the war?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oral Traditions of the Jedi Order
> 
> The Legend of Raven and Sky
> 
> As told by Jedi Archivist Sol Baen
> 
> Recorded by Nav'yyen Tamdraak
> 
> 1207 years after the Battle of Yavin
> 
>  
> 
> _This is the story of Raven and Sky, as told to me by my grandfather_
> 
>  
> 
> _And who told it to him?_
> 
>  
> 
> _You’re asking the wrong question. And interrupting._
> 
>  
> 
> _My apologies. Please continue, honorable Archivist._
> 
>  
> 
> _I cannot tell you the whole story. The entire cycle takes at least a week to tell, and that’s if I spoke without stopping. But I think you will find value in this abridged version. It’s important to remember that this story is a symbol. It is not truth on its own, but truth can be found within if you are willing to search._
> 
>  
> 
> _So it’s an allegory?_
> 
>  
> 
> _You could say that, yes. Once, a long time ago, in a place far far away, a piece of sky fell into a vast, endless desert…_

Luke glanced down at his datapad when it pinged during a committee meeting. He was going to ignore it, but then he noticed who the sender was.

 

Figuring that no one would really care that much if he wasn’t paying full attention to the discussion about crop rotation on Araman Six, he pulled the datapad into his lap and opened the message.

 

 

> _Esteemed Senator,_
> 
> _This message may come as a surprise, but I rather think that it will not. It has been brought to my attention that you may be in possession of information that is of personal interest to me. I feel that as two civilized gentlemen we can come to an arrangement that is satisfactory for both parties._
> 
> _Nearly thirteen years ago, Commandant Brendol Hux travelled to the Core Worlds as a First Order representative. For that trip he hired a mercenary nicknamed “Boaz” to serve as his bodyguard. I have reason to believe that you know more about this person than I do. State your terms. I want to find this mercenary._
> 
> _H_

 

Luke read it again. And again. The conversation around him moved on to the pros and cons of artificially-induced rainfall on a farming planet. How fascinating. Someone who, by all observation, didn’t like Luke very much, was all but saying outright that he’d do anything Luke asked him. His hands shaking just a little, Luke opened a new message.

 

 

> _The General actually messaged me. He wants to know who killed his father. What should I tell him?_

 

Luke triple-encrypted the three sentences and sent them to a comm unit he’d memorized a few years ago. He didn’t really expect an answer. After all, he’d never gotten an answer before. But he didn’t know what to do, how to proceed with the First Order General. There was something going on, and Luke wasn’t actually sure what it was. He needed to think. What was the best way forward?

 

So, ten minutes later, he nearly died of shock when he actually received a response.

 

 

> _What were Hux’s exact words? I didn’t kill the Commandant. You could have asked, rather than assumed. I was set-up as the killer._

 

Luke stared at the message so openly that Jarlith flared his gills in irritation. “Are we distracting you, Senator?”

 

Luke startled, and stood, his datapad held close to his chest. “My apologies, my friends. I… this is a very urgent message. Again, my apologies.” He bowed and hurried from the room, his mouth dry as he typed out a frantic response.

 

 

> _But you were the bodyguard, right? The one who shot the Commandant?_

 

 

> _He was already dead when I shot him. And no, I can’t tell you who really killed the old bastard. I wish I had been the one that offed him, but that’s a different issue. You should deny knowing anything._

 

Luke ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. Why was his whole family all so reckless? Honestly…

 

 

> _Well, apparently I know less than I thought I did, so that should be easy._

 

Luke chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek. Should he ask for more? Could he press this? Why was _this_ the one time he’d ever gotten a response? How far could he push this before this fragile connection snapped, leaving them separated again? Well, if the rest of his family could be reckless, couldn’t he be, too? Just a little this one time? Could Luke ask for more than he was given?

 

 

> _When will you come home?_

  
Luke waited. It was what he was best at, it seemed. But it did little good. No more messages came.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hux grimaced at the glass in his hand. He’d gone through all of his good brandy, and now all he had left was the cheap synth-stuff. But he wasn’t quite drunk enough yet to not care about the taste.

 

“Fuck you,” he said to the bottle sitting on the floor next to him. It didn’t respond.

 

The door, however, chimed. Hux frowned. Hadn’t he left very specific instructions that he was not to be disturbed this evening? “Who is it?” he yelled at the door, only slurring the words a little.

 

“Your worst enemy.”

 

“Oh. Come on in, Ren.”

 

The door slid open, and heavy black robes and a mask stepped inside. Somehow, the mask managed to look surprised at seeing Hux sitting on the floor with a couple of mostly-empty bottles next to him, his uniform jacket spread over a chair, and his hair mussed.

 

“You’re drunk,” Ren said.

 

Hux smiled crookedly and tilted his head back. “Nothing escapes those keen Force senses of yours, Ren.”

 

Ren seemed to hesitate, suddenly uncertain. “Might I enquire as to the occasion?”

 

Hux hiccuped, feeling a flush spread over his cheeks. Alright. Perhaps he was more drunk than he had previously thought. “Tomorrow’s my birthday.” He frowned down at the bottle in his hand. Hadn’t it been more full just a second ago? “So to celebrate I am breaking at least five galactic inebriation laws. It… also happens to be the anniversary of my father’s death. Thirteen years.”

 

“You’ll be turning thirty-four, correct?”

 

Hux rubbed at his nose. “Officially. Why are you here, Ren?”

 

“I… wanted to tell you…” Ren stopped and shook his head. “Because you called out to me.” The Knight stepped further into the room. To Hux’s surprise, he then crossed his legs and seated himself on the floor across from Hux. The movement wasn’t exactly elegant, Ren almost tipped over when he kneeled on his own robe, but there they were, face-to-face. Or face-to-mask, as it were.

 

“Take off that mask,” Hux said.

 

“Not tonight,” Ren said, his voice almost… gentle. “How old are you really, Hux?”

 

Hux shrugged and picked at an imaginary speck on the floor with his nails. “Some people say thirty was too young for me to be a General of the First Order.”

 

“Hux. How old are you?”

 

Shivering, Hux looked down into his empty glass. He sighed, wondering what he was trying to hold on to. It certainly wasn’t dignity, with Ren seated across from him on the floor. There was no honor left to Hux, no status to uphold, no decorum or prestige to be found huddled on thin carpet. Briefly, he thought about looking Ren in the eye, but did Ren even have eyes? Were they located at the front of his head?

 

Hux swallowed. “Tomorrow I’ll turn twenty-one.”

 

Ren was quiet for a moment. “This is where I must confess that I’m very bad at keeping track of human ages. I know that twenty-one is younger than thirty-four, but the connotations are lost on me. Although…” He tipped his head back a little. “That makes you younger than… Holy hells...”

 

“Stop talking,” Hux said. “Take off the damn mask.”

 

“No. Not tonight.” Ren looked unusually small, sitting cross-legged on the floor like that, just barely too far away for Hux to reach out and touch.

 

“I killed for my rank,” Hux said quietly. “Murdered my way into being a General at seventeen years old. Snoke was delighted at having such a blood-thirsty pawn.”

 

Ren shifted his weight. “Is seventeen young for a human?”

 

Hux frowned at the mask. “Stop messing with me, Ren. How old are _you_?”

 

“Twenty-six.”

 

“No you aren’t,” Hux snarled. “You told me you were twenty-six when we first met.”

 

“Did I? I don’t remember that. Why did you ask if you already knew?”

 

“Stop talking.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Hux shook his head weakly. “You just… get in my head.”

 

“I’m not in your head, General. You’d know if I was.”

 

Hux lifted the bottle to his lips before he remembered that it was empty. “I don't really remember my mother. She died of an illness when I was very young.”

 

“I didn’t know that.”

 

“Stop fucking interrupting me. She was an engineer, a woman who carved her path in an Empire that told her that she was less valuable because of her gender. I… don’t really remember her. Just the holos she left behind. After…” Hux stopped himself and skipped ahead. “After my father’s death, I was alone. I had no other family but the droids, so I was _selected_. A… an underground military research organization left over from the Empire decided that I was worth at least as much as a lab animal. And they kept me as such.”

 

“Hux, I…”

 

“Ren,” Hux glared at the eye-slit in the mask. “If I hear one more word from your mouth or get the sense that you pity me at all I will shove this bottle down your throat.”

 

The Knight took a breath as if he wanted to say something, but for the first (maybe only) time, Ren actually managed to not say something stupid. Hux leaned back against the small, thin, hard couch. “I’m not sure all of what they did to me. I never did find the file they were keeping. But I’m… faster. My thoughts are faster, my reflexes. My healing, metabolism. My… aging.” A sound came out of Hux’s lungs. He told himself it was a laugh. “I found white in my hair this morning. Ripped it out.” He smiled at Ren. He’d never told anyone this. “I’m going to die of old age before my next birthday. So I think I should be allowed to celebrate this one, right, Ren?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo sat very still, watching Hux breathe in and out, slowly and evenly. The General had finally fallen asleep, his head tilted back to show the long line of his neck. His hands shaking, Kylo pried the helmet from his head. He hadn’t dared move, hadn’t dared let Hux know that behind the mask Kylo had been weeping. Wiping at his eyes with his sleeves, Kylo took deep breaths and tried to steady himself.

 

“Force,” he swore quietly. “I can never say this where you can hear me, Hux, but… I’m _so sorry_ …”

 

Hux stirred, and Kylo stifled himself. As soon as it was apparent that he wasn’t going to wake, Kylo got himself to his feet. Eventually.

 

“I’m the biggest idiot in the galaxy,” Kylo whispered. “I… I should have….”

 

_It was Kylo’s first mission on his own, and he was determined to succeed. Everything was depending on this, making sure that Brendol Hux was able to make it back to the Unknown Regions safely._

 

_And he’d done it. The thrill of success ran through Kylo’s veins. It seemed the deep hood and fake bionic eye did wonders for disguising his face. He’d been almost completely undetected, wrapped up in the identity of being a thug. The thought brought a little bit of a laugh. This wasn’t where he’d thought he would be at this point in his life, but the future was stretching out in front of him, open and free…_

 

_Blaster fire. He felt the shots more than he heard them, coming from the Commandant’s room. The old man had insisted on stopping on this backwater planet for a night… Reacting more than thinking, Kylo raced to the room. It was locked. He threw all of his weight against it before he even thought to use the Force, something pulling at the edges of his thoughts._

 

_The door fell open. The first thing he saw was the open window. Snow was drifting through it like white feathers. The next thing he saw was the blood sprayed across the bed._

 

With a tenderness that Kylo didn’t know he possessed, he picked up Hux’s sleeping form. The General was light, like his bones were hollow. Hux’s head leaned against his shoulder, sighing in his sleep. Like a trusting child.

 

Kylo stamped down that thought as he lay Hux on his bed and pulled the blankets up and around his shoulders. As quietly as he could manage, Kylo found himself cleaning up the discarded bottles and glasses, then folding Hux’s uniform jacket and setting it neatly on the chair. Hux would hate to wake up to a mess.

 

At the door, Kylo hesitated. He wanted to stay. He wanted to sit in the corner and watch over Hux, make sure that no nightmares assailed him. He wanted to sleep on the floor next to Hux’s bed, there in case the General woke during the night. He wanted to curl around Hux, to use his own body as a shield, to lay awake, feeling Hux breathe, secure in the knowledge that he was still alive.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kylo whispered. “For… well, for everything, really, but… I’m sorry that I didn’t take you with me. You asked me once if I had any regrets. That’s one of them.”

  
Kylo left, feeling more like a ghost than he had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke struggled, his arms shaking as he dragged the enormous deadweight of his father through the trembling halls of the dying Death Star. He desperately reached out, reached inward, trying to feel for that Force that Leia had always talked about. Almost, he thought he felt something. Almost he thought he felt feathery touches of power in his fingers. In his head he could hear the sisters like a choir, harmonies ringing through him. Tears coursed down his face.
> 
> "Luke?"
> 
> The whisper was so faint, that at first he thought it was Leia trying to speak in his head. But he looked down at the blackened creature in his arms when the whisper come louder.
> 
> "Luke... Why are you still trying to save me?" Vader gasped.
> 
> "Why wouldn't I?" Luke wept. "I _have_ to save you."
> 
> "You already have. Help me... take this mask off."


	17. Between Your Soul and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As slow has Kylo has been in getting there, he finally gets there. And walks straight into a wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And so Darth Revan lost his massive collection of lightsabers by betting them on a pod-race!"
> 
> Obi-Wan looked distinctly unimpressed. "Darth Revan sounds like a kleptomaniac with a gambling problem. I've only heard the stories Jedi tell about him, and they make him sound much more threatening. How do you know so much about him?"
> 
> Anakin shrugged one shoulder and rubbed at his nose. "There's a lot of stories around the galaxy about Darth Revan. In certain places on Tatooine, he's practically a local legend! Like the story about the time he saved a man from his own exploding droids..."

Hux and Ren strode side-by-side through the pristine halls of the  _ Finalizer. _ The General had been talking for several minutes, but Kylo had stopped listening somewhere around ‘this mission is very important, Ren, so pay attention’.

 

Kylo, who often did not think things through all the way, finally did think a particuar subject all the way through. It had taken a while, but he’d gotten there. On this occasion, the subject of his thoughts was soulmarks. He’d often thought about his own. In great detail and at length. And he was completely convinced that the name he wore referred to General Hux.

 

It was at this time, walking next to said General, that the trail of Kylo’s thoughts finally brought him all the way to the cliff’s edge, a breathless height that ignited a new thought in his head.

 

If Hux was his other soul, then Hux had a soulmark as well.

 

Which begged the question… what name did Hux’s mark say?

 

The ensuing mental derailing caused Kylo’s knees to buckle, sending him careening into a doorframe. It was a good thing he was wearing a helmet. As it was, he couldn’t tell if the dizziness and confusion were the result of a concussion or a panic attack.

 

“Ren?” Hux had stopped dead in the corridor, staring at Kylo with something approaching alarm. “Are you… alright?”

 

“Perfectly alright!” Kylo exclaimed, pretending he was leaning on the wall because he wanted to. “Everything is great! Wonderful!” He started laughing and couldn’t seem to make himself stop.

 

Gods… how the  _ fuck _ was he supposed to deal with this?

 

_ Oh, hey, Hux. As a completely uninterested party with no personal stakes in the matter, what does your soulmark say? How do I know you have one? Lucky guess… I guess? Does it happen to say anything really  _ _ really _ _ weird? _

 

Hux had said something.

 

“Sorry, what did you say?” Kylo asked.

 

Hux frowned. “I’m alerting medical.”

 

“That’s- You don’t have to!” Kylo shouted, then cleared his throat and spoke more calmly. “I mean, ah, I don’t think anyone on staff has much experience treating my species. It’s nothing really. Just… my bi-annual molting.”

 

Kylo mentally ran down the list of names he had gone by in his life. Most of them made him want to scream when he thought of Hux stuck with them.

 

Holy hells. If Hux had  _ that _ name…

 

“Molting.” Hux’s voice had nothing in it. “Like with feathers. Last week you claimed to be amphibious.”

 

“Hux,” Kylo said. No hesitation. Just… just ask. Go on. He already thinks you’re insane and he’s probably right. Say it. “Do you have a soulmark?”

 

For less than a second, Hux had an expression on his face that pulled Kylo’s heart out. He looked torn between surprise, gentleness, and fear. Then he was back to his usual distant sneer.

 

“That old superstition?” Hux drawled. “My father had mine removed when I was a child. I was too young to read it for myself, and he never told me what it said.”

 

_ Fuck. It was  _ _ that _ _ bad? _ Not for the first time, Kylo wished he knew how to bring back the dead, though in this case he would only ask a single question and then spend three days killing the old man with baling twine.

 

“Why do you ask, Ren?”

 

_ Quick, Kylo, distract your likely soulmate from questioning you by saying or doing something incredibly stupid. _

 

“I had a dream,” Kylo heard himself say.

 

“A dream?”

 

Oh, alright.  _ Now _ Hux sounded interested? Why did the man have to be so utterly infuriating?

 

Kylo resolved to say the absolute stupidest, most ridiculous thing he could come up with off the top of his head. “I dreamed that you had a soulmark and it said ‘Darth Vader’.”

  
The look on Hux’s face was completely worth it. He treasured that look far longer than he should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I bet your other soul is a pilot."
> 
> Leia blushed. "Can we talk about something else?"
> 
> Luke sighed. "Fine. I wish _I_ had a soulmark. It seems awesome."
> 
> Leia grimaced. "Why? So I could tease _you_ about it, instead of the other way around?"
> 
> He laughed, her beautiful brother. She thought he looked like he was made of sunlight.


	18. Between Your Life and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, the Force guides with whispers, a gentle nudge here and there. With Kylo Ren and General Hux, the Force dropped several tons of rock on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Jedi are weak,” Palpatine said quietly. “They fear what they do not understand. They fear you, Anakin.”
> 
> Anakin didn’t move, didn’t look up from the blood dried on his hands. He was shaking. “I didn’t want this,” he groaned, tears falling from his face, dripping onto his hands where they tracked through the blood.
> 
> Palpatine rested a hand on his shoulder. “I know, my dear boy. I know.”

Hux straightened the greatcoat on his shoulders and stepped down from the shuttle to the planet surface. He wrinkled his nose in disgust; the air was putrid and rotten.

 

“People live here?” Ren scoffed at his side. It was a little disconcerting, how much it felt like the Knight belonged there, lurking at Hux’s elbow.

 

“In theory,” Hux muttered, trying not to breathe in through his nose. The decaying city held the barest fragments of what was once greatness in the soaring skyline and moss-coated statues, lichens eating way the features. “Supposedly there is a cell of Resistance fighters holed up here. Didn’t you listen when I was telling you earlier? I already guessed you wouldn’t read the dossier…”

 

Ren made a growling noise. “I’m only here because a piece of the map should be here. _You_ shouldn’t be here at _all._ ”

 

Hux felt his mouth twist with something close to disgust. He watched some of the officers setting up a field comm system a few yards away. “I need to oversee this mission.”

 

“There is danger here.”

 

“There’s danger everywhere,” Hux snapped before forcing himself to take a deep breath. “You say the most inane things.” Ren had been… _particularly_ grating, lately. Nothing big, really, but the Knight kept throwing very minor fits, though he managed to keep them contained to mostly verbal outbursts. Hux had actually observed Ren removing himself from situations that had the potential to escalate. Once, Hux had unobtrusively followed Ren (purely to make sure that Ren wasn’t quietly strangling a stormtrooper somewhere, of course) back to the Knight’s quarters. Where, once the door was closed, Ren had promptly devolved into the screaming, incoherent mess that used to inflict himself on Hux’s crew. Hux told himself that it was a good thing that Ren had learned enough control and mindfulness to do such a thing. Something nagged at Hux’s mind, though. Something was wrong about Ren hiding himself away.

 

There was also that disastrous night before Hux’s birthday, last week. He felt his cheeks grow warm just from the thought. He honestly didn’t remember much, just talking to Ren, who had been rather quiet, but he couldn’t remember what the conversation had been about. And then he’d woken up the next morning in his own bed with a surprisingly tidy room. The worst part was that he could tell that Ren was acting differently, but he couldn’t pinpoint the change. The Knight had always been erratic, his behaviors barely following any pattern at all, so saying that Ren was acting strange was, well, rather superfluous. He loathed to think that he had shared anything important with Ren while ntoxicated...

 

Realizing that his wandering thoughts were accomplishing nothing, Hux brought himself back to the present. The communications officers signaled to him that the system was in place, and Hux glanced over the displays.

 

“Captain Phasma,” Hux said. “Have Squadron Six sweep the eastern area, but concentrate on the south. Our sensors are picking up some underground structures there.”

 

“ _Affirmative._ ” Phasma’s voice crackled over the comm.

 

“There’s a sister here,” Ren said quietly.

 

“What?” Hux turned to look at the Knight. Had he heard right? Even for Ren, that was a strange thing to say. A sister?

 

“I said it’s misty, here,” Ren said louder. “Fog is rising. It could impair the troops’ vision.”

 

“I am aware of that,” Hux responded, his voice harsh. Ren was far too distracting to have near him, sometimes. Hux couldn’t seem to concentrate. The Knight seemed in a strange mood, and it was affecting the General.

 

“General Hux!” called out an officer. “We have enemy ships inbound from the north!”

 

“Good,” snapped Hux. “Mobilize the TIE-fighters. The north is-”

 

Another officer interrupted, panicky. “General! Another from the-”

 

The ground rocked beneath Hux’s feet, bucking like a wild animal trying to shake him loose. Pain rang through his head like he’d been struck. He fell to the paved ground, grateful in the moment for the gloves protecting his hands from scraping along the surface and getting tiny bits of gravel embedded in his skin. That would have been annoying to deal with. He couldn’t hear anything, his eardrums aching, and he felt something wet trickling down his neck. Under his gloved hands, he felt the world shift again, thunder shaking up through his palms into his bones.

 

Scrambling, trying and failing to regain his feet, Hux collapsed again. Just before his mind went dark, he looked upwards. Ren was there, reaching out towards him. Ren’s voice was in his head, saying his name...

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“Hux!”

 

Ren did the only thing he could. Bracing himself, he strengthened the Force around and within him to catch the falling stones. His legs buckled beneath him, and he found himself on his knees, just a few yards away from Hux’s bleeding form.

 

“Hux!” he screamed again, panic clawing at him as he tried to focus enough to sense if the General was still alive. But when he pulled his attention away, the stone inched down, pressing against him with crushing weight.

 

Breath whined in and out of his lungs, crackling through the mask. “Hux!” he cried a third time, despair sinking into him when the red-haired man didn’t move. He didn’t even seem to be breathing…

 

_Calm down. Your panic will get you both killed._

 

“Ben?” Kylo gasped.

 

_He isn’t dead. You can feel when your soulmate dies._

 

That… was an unpleasant thought. “ _Really,_ Ben? You’re bringing that up _now_?”

 

_Sorry. Sorry, bad timing. But he’s still alive. You can’t let your fear overwhelm you._

 

“Shut the fuck up and leave me alone!”

 

_I’m trying to help you!_

 

“Because that’s worked out _so well_ before!”

 

_Just… breathe. Think. You’ve gotten through tougher situations than a tiny little rock wall._

 

“It doesn’t exactly feel like feathers, Ben!”

 

_Break it down. First step. Second step._

 

Break it down? That might actually have been the first intelligent thing Ben had said in years.

 

 _I didn’t mean literally, but fine. Whatever._ _Do whatever you want._

 

Painstakingly, Kylo sought out the weak points in the rock, hacking it down into smaller and smaller pieces and setting them down away from himself and Hux. He hadn’t exercised his mind in this direction in… ahh, too many years. Out of shape. Sweat was slicking across him as he finally set down the last piece, his breath coming in heavy gasps. He couldn’t see anyone else nearby, and he didn’t have time to figure out if that was because of the fog and smoke or because he couldn’t look away from Hux.

 

“Hux…” he groaned, his legs trembling as he staggered over to the General. “Hux, please be alright…”

 

Hux was pale. White as bone. His eyes were closed, and blood seeped from his mouth and nose. Wasn’t that punctured lungs?

 

“Help!” Kylo screamed to the air around them. “Someone help!” He tried to search through Hux’s pockets for a communicator without jarring the injured man.

 

_Heal._

 

Kylo froze. Their voices were soft, faint, but close. The sisters whispered calm and peace into his head. He grasped at it desperately.

 

_Fix the blood. Put back the feathers. Straighten bone. Whole._

 

Kylo reached his hand towards Hux.

 

_Skin._

 

He froze, staring at his own gloved fingers. “Damn.” Shaking, Kylo reached up and undid the clasps of his helmet but didn’t lift it off. Just enough to tug down the collar of his robes. To peel the glove from Hux’s left hand and lift it to his own throat.

 

“I hope this works,” Kylo whispered, and then pressed Hux’s hand against the skin of his neck.

 

Later, Kylo was able to look back and laugh about it. It was so obvious in hindsight: what was inevitable. But, like so many times before, he hadn’t really been thinking things through.

 

Years. It had been _years_ since Kylo had last felt skin-to-skin contact with any living thing, with no cloth or metal or anything between to protect himself. Not since… no. Don’t think about the last time. Don’t think about him.

 

The second thing he had failed to consider was how sensitive he already was to touch, even in those other lifetimes. The Viem were more sensitive than humans. That was just biology. The simplest touch could overwhelm, even back… when Kylo had been more accustomed to such things.

 

And the last factor Kylo had failed to take into account. Hux was, without a doubt in his mind, his other soul. Whatever beliefs anyone held about what that meant on a metaphysical level… on a physical level, initial contact between two life-forms bound together in such a manner was said to be an experience that neither forgot.

 

So, later, he was able to look back and maybe laugh a little, shake his head at his past self. Of _course_ touching Hux for the first time would be overwhelming, to the point where Kylo collapsed and nearly passed out immediately. His pulse raced, his lungs ached as he tried to breathe enough to compensate for the sudden flooding of, well, _everything_ through his body. Kylo distantly heard a high-pitched, keening sound and after a few seconds was able to figure out that it was coming from his own throat, humming beneath Hux’s hand.

 

A very distant part of him still capable of some kind of thought wondered if he could come just from this bare skin contacting his own. Stars! He’d never felt _anything_ this wonderful before. Not ever. He was shaking uncontrollably, huddled on his knees next to Hux, that blessed, thrilling touch of Hux’s hand on his neck sending sparks of lightning through his mind and soul.

 

But that touch was growing colder, he could feel. Hux was dying, his life slipping away. Even before today, before blood filled his lungs, his cells were dying one by one, errors building up as they tried to replicate, fought to stay alive as long as possible…

 

That could not be allowed. Kylo would _not_ allow that to happen. Not to Hux. No.

 

So the Knight reached into himself. His heart ached. It had been hurt many times. But he poked around, cleaned it off, tried to straighten out some of the broken bits, make it look a bit nicer. Maybe a bit more… worth giving. And Kylo gave it to Hux. But he thought Hux’s real name when he did. The name he had been born with over his heart.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_Hux heard voices, distant words. He looked around himself at the vast, empty desert._

 

_He had to find him. Had to find…_

 

_He took a few steps, his legs sinking deep into the sand before he realized it was snow. White snow, stretching out before him, marred by struggle. He took a few more steps._

 

_Ren. Ren was there, laying face-down in the snow. His helmet was gone. Black hair dotted with soft white flakes of snow._

 

_“Ky!” Hux screamed. He hadn’t meant to call Ren that, the name ripped from his chest, still bloody and dripping and raw. But the Knight moved, tried to lift his head. Hux couldn’t make out a face; there was too much blood, too much red soaking into the snow around Kylo. Horrified, Hux saw how much Kylo was trying and failing to move, his limbs not responding right, dangling limp and useless._

 

_“Ben?” Kylo gasped. “Is that you?”_

 

_Hux tried to run, tried to make it to the Knight’s side, but the snow was melting into fire, the world cracking into pieces._

 

_“Help me!” Kylo cried out. “Please!”_

 

_But everything was red, now, the molten core of the planet exposed and pulsing, a great beast of flame licking at Kylo Ren’s agonized body as he writhed helplessly in fire._

 

_Kylo screamed._

 

Hux opened his eyes.

 

“General Hux?” His eyes focused on a thin, greying woman with small eyes and a worried frown. “Sir,” she said. “Can you hear me?”

 

“Of course I can,” he mumbled. His ears felt like they were full of water, and his left hand was very warm.

 

“Sir, could you… not move for a moment? We need to finish-”

 

“Where am I?” he demanded as sharply as he could.

 

She flinched a bit. “In the medbay aboard the _Finalizer,_  sir.”

 

Hux looked at the blank black screens of monitors at the foot of the cot he was currently in. “What-”

 

“Sir,” she said again, her voice growing high with anxiety. “We, ah, still don’t know exactly what injuries you sustained or why you lost consciousness. We’ve been having to run tests on you in old-fashioned ways.”

 

“Why?” croaked Hux. “What’s wrong with the equipment?”

 

Her gaze went to his left, and he followed the movement. There, at the other end of his arm, was Ren. Sitting hunched over in a chair, both of his hands holding Hux’s hand to his neck. The Knight didn’t move.

 

“He, ah, isn’t responsive,” said the woman, fiddling with her sleeves and biting at her nails on her left hand. Hux hoped she washed her hands regularly. “We have no idea if he’s conscious. Any electronics we bring near the two of you short-circuit. The poor droids-”

 

“Why not just take off his helmet?” Hux asked. She stared as if he had suggested murder. “Nevermind.”

 

The door to the small room cracked open. “Doctor, those reports…”

 

“I’ll be right there.” She straightened her collar and pursed her lips. “Is there anything I can fetch for you, sir?”

 

“A stiff drink.”

 

A grimace of terror masquerading as a smile crossed her face. “Of course, sir.” She quickly exited.

 

Hux let his head fall back on the bed and sighed. Alone in the quiet, he became very… _aware._  Aware of the feel of Ren’s skin beneath his hand, the delicate, slow pulse beneath his fingertips. He tried to pull back, reclaim his hand as his own, but Ren didn’t move at all. It was as if he were carved of stone. Except that one couldn’t feel stone take a slow, careful breath…

 

“Ren,” Hux said, and felt the Knight’s pulse speed up just a fraction. After a few seconds, Ren swallowed, and Hux shivered at the sensation.

 

Ren’s throat was vibrating, ever so softly. It took Hux a moment to realize that the Knight was whispering, now. A word, over and over, but Hux couldn’t quite make out the word.

 

“Ren.”

 

Kylo Ren moved, shifted his weight, swallowed again, every tiny motion sending electricity fizzling across Hux’s nerves.

 

“General Hux.” Ren’s voice sent shockwaves up Hux’s arm. It felt incredible. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Hux said. Or tried to. It came out all breathy and weak. He wanted to ask for his hand back, but he couldn’t make himself say the words. “I… feel fine. Are you… alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Ren said. “Probably.”

 

Hux stared at Ren’s hands, safely hidden away in those gloves. The Knight’s hands felt strong. Not like… that dream.

 

Ren took a stuttery breath, as he’d been shocked. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

“Sorry for what?”

 

“Like removing an adhesive bandage from skin,” Ren said softly. “Quick. One, two…”

 

Neither moved. Ren shifted uncomfortably. “Sorry,” he said again. “I panicked. One, two-”

 

“Three,” they both said at the same time as Ren pulled Hux’s hand away from his neck. Hux’s vision went soft and white for a split second before he saw Ren huddled on the ground, fingers tugging his cowl and helmet back into place as fast as he could. Hux still caught a flash of pale, but human-looking, skin.

 

“What the fuck,” gasped Hux. “Ren… what the fuck did you do?”

 

The Knight made a sound, and it actually took a moment for Hux’s mind to register it as a whimper. “I… I don’t know… I think I saved your life. I… have to…”

 

Ren staggered to his feet. Hux shouldn’t have expected anything, but he still sometimes made the mistake of imagining that Ren possessed some small amount of social intelligence somewhere, perhaps stuffed in a closet or under a sink. But Ren said nothing else. He fled the room.

 

A minute later, the graying woman came back into the room. “I have good news,” she said with a very confused look on her face. “All of your tests came back perfect.”

 

Hux wished he could blame his confusion and hesitance on a brain injury, but apparently he was to be denied that luxury. Especially since he could now recall being struck in the head. And the ribs, and… “I’m sorry, what?”

 

She shrugged, her eyes wide as she adjusted her spectacles again. “You are absolutely, perfectly healthy in every way that we can detect. I guess we can do more advanced things, now that Lord Ren seems to have left the room. But you have no broken bones, no lesions, no scrapes, bumps, bruises… anything.”

 

Hux was appropriately horrified.

 

* * *

  
  


Back in his own quarters, Kylo ripped the helmet off and bolted for the tiny ‘fresher. The mirror was still cracked, but he could still see himself. He avoided his own eyes and instead carefully brushed his hair back.

  
Above his left ear, a single streak of gold remained, stark and bright against the black, about a centimeter wide. Half as wide as it had been that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finn tugged on Rey's hand. She held tightly on to him as they ran through the dark forest, their feet sinking into the snow as the ground quaked.
> 
> "The _Falcon's_ around here..." Finn gasped between breaths. "Somewhere."
> 
> The trees did well at blocking their view, enough so that they didn't see him until they all but ran into him. Solum Ren had taken his mask off, and an animalistic snarl twisted his pale face.
> 
> " _You!_ " he howled at the two of them, his lightsaber igniting, red flame staining the snow. He took two hulking steps, lurching like a great beast. "I will _kill both of you!_ "
> 
> Finn put himself between the mad Knight and Rey, raising Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber with far more confidence than he felt. "Really?" He tried taunting Solum Ren. "Like you tried to kill Kylo?"
> 
> Solum's teeth were bared, his eyes drenched in fire. "No," he said. "More like how I killed Revan."


	19. Between Your Eyes and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slow-burn is finally getting warmed up a little bit!
> 
> The theme song for this chapter is "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". My fav is prob either Leona Lewis or Celine Dion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, not often, Luke would dream of the Death Star.
> 
> More often he dreamed of the second Death Star, of facing the Emperor.
> 
> Of taking off Darth Vader's mask and seeing his father's face.

The next twenty-four standard hours were not the worst day of Hux’s life, not by a long ways, but _kriff_ were they annoying. He had the medstaff test him again; they must have missed _something_. But every test, even all of his blood work, came back infuriatingly normal.

 

Hux had left “normal” behind years ago.

 

He felt… great. It was a little disorienting. A few simple reflex and cognitive speed tests showed that he still was as quick as he had been a day ago. Everything felt impossible. It was _impossible_ that Ren had somehow done some magical healing touch and cured Hux of everything that was wrong, leaving in place all of the benefits. It just _wasn't possible_.

 

And then things started to get weird.

 

Ren was avoiding Hux, that was for certain. Hux didn't see him anywhere, not on the command bridge, not in the training rooms, not in any hallways. But every once in awhile, Hux could have sworn the Knight was in the room, could feel that inhuman stare on the back of his neck. A few times, Hux nearly responded aloud to Ren speaking, only to realize that Ren was not in the room. It was disorienting, frustrating, and dizzying.

 

He caught himself just on the edge of tugging his glove off to stare at his left hand. The skin felt like it should be marked, somehow, changed by the contact with Ren. The one time he caved and looked, his hand didn't look any different, but it still… almost buzzed, almost tingled, almost hummed.

 

Hux was only human, and there was only so much he could endure. He left the bridge forty-five minutes before he shift was supposed to end, then made his way to his own quarters.

 

Or… almost to his quarters.

 

Hux stopped at Ren’s door. The Knight was there, behind that thin slice of durasteel and wiring. Hux didn't know how he knew, but a suspicion was gnawing on his brain. Ren had done _something_ to him. Something mystic and irrational. Probably with horrible, life-altering consequences. Hux clenched his jaw, and let himself reach up and type his override code into the panel, letting himself in to Ren’s lair.

 

The lights were off.

 

“Lights.”

 

Hux stepped into Kylo Ren’s rooms, not really knowing what to expect. There wasn’t much. Less, even, than the lowest officers in Hux’s command. There was a bed-frame bolted to the wall, because all of the quarters came with such, but there was nothing on it, not even a mattress. There was a single very thin pad on the floor, and in one corner a black pedestal. With some misshapen lump of something on it.

 

Ren himself was crouched in the opposite corner, his mask tilted towards Hux, his hands dangling between his knees, his back to the wall. Stars, did he even have a change of clothing? That certainly explained why the robes always smelled so strongly.

 

“Hux,” the Knight said quietly. “General. You grace my humble abode with your presence.”

 

“Are you always this melodramatic, or am I just special?” Hux snapped.

 

“Both.”

 

Ren… unfurled. The Knight had such an uncanny way of moving, sometimes. Fluid and animalistic, but not quite right, like a graceful predator that recently had completely new limbs grafted onto its body. Ren moved towards Hux, almost crawling a bit before pushing himself effortlessly up onto his feet, but still hunched over. He didn’t straighten all the way up until he was standing far too close to Hux. Face to mask. Trying to get Hux to step back, but Hux was _done_ with games.

 

“What have you done, Ren?” Hux said evenly, not letting anything, no fear or anger, seep into his face or voice.

 

“I don’t know what you mean, General. I have done many things in my life. Could you clarify?”

 

Hux clenched his jaw, and before he could open his mouth, he realized something. The thing that felt wrong, out of place. Part of why Ren was so goddamn irritating without even having to do anything half the time. And also why Hux felt himself pulled closer and closer to the strange man in black.

 

There was nothing Hux could do to control him. Ren owed his allegiance to Snoke, and it was Snoke alone that could command Ren. Long ago, the Knight had said that Hux had found his leash, but Hux had never held it. Ren didn’t do anything that Hux asked because of Hux himself. And _that_ -

 

That was intolerable. Hux didn’t know why, but it was. He should be glad to have a way to manipulate Ren, but he wasn’t. It was useless. What was the point?

 

But, no. Hux didn’t want to control Ren, he just-

 

He caved first. Hux looked away from the empty space of Ren’s mask and his eyes caught on another. On the pedestal was-

 

“Is that,” Hux interrupted his own thoughts. “Darth Vader’s helmet?”

 

Kylo Ren turned his head towards the pedestal, staring at the twisted, warped features of the thing, as if surprised that it was there. “Yes,” he finally said.

 

“Wha… where did you find it?”

 

“Um…” Ren shifted his weight, like a child caught with candy he’d taken without permission. “Well, alright. You see, I was in this bar on Dantooine, and there was this cute Rodian girl with a piercing in her-”

 

“Do _not ever_ finish that story, ever,” Hux cut him off, then looked back at the twisted, melted artifact. “It ought to be in a museum.”

 

“I’m not-” Ren cut himself off this time, with a growl that ground itself somewhere behind Hux’s left eye. “It belongs with _me._ ”

 

“Is this a Sith thing?”

 

“I am not a Sith. And no.”

 

“So… you, what, have some kind of Darth Vader fetish?”

 

Ren’s shoulders ended up near the top of his own helmet, and his long arms nearly wrapped around his own ribcage. “I do _not!_ ” he barked at Hux. “I don’t! That is… no. Just… no.”

 

“Sure,” Hux nearly smiled. This. Being able to goad Ren into reactions. As long as he had this over Snoke... “Well, I didn’t come here to discuss your… questionable aesthetic.”

 

Ren’s mask tilted to the right nearly ninety degrees, like he was some kind of gangly bird of prey. “Oh? What did you come to discuss, then…” He pulled the last word out like rubber, letting the vibration slowly fade in the roof of his mouth until it no longer carried through the mask. It unnerved Hux enough that it took him an extra second to respond.

 

“I want an honest answer, Lord Ren.” Hux steeled himself, though he wasn’t sure why he felt the need to. “You are so full of shit that it falls out every time you open your mouth, but for once… For once you are going to give me a straightforward, truthful-”

 

Kylo Ren stepped forward, effectively cutting off Hux mid-tirade. Those long forearms came to brace themselves on either side of Hux where he was now backed into a wall. Hux stared into blackness with wide eyes. Ren was so close that Hux was surprised his own breath wasn’t fogging Ren’s mask.

 

“General,” Ren said, exactly the same way he always said it, drawled and stretched and, Hux realized for the first time, _warm_. “You are incredibly reckless.” He took a slow breath, and before Hux could figure out a way to respond, he continued. “And I will answer your question as much as I can. I...” the Knight pulled away just a little, and Hux felt less steady for the distance between them. “I... healed you…”

 

“With the Force?”

 

Ren hesitated. “Sort of. I used the Force, but the healing came from me. I suppose that a simple way to say it would be that I gave some of my life to save yours.”

 

Hux’s chest ached, that familiar feeling that he only felt for Ren. “Why?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper.

 

Ren’s breath caught. “The answer should be obvious. The First Order would flounder without you at this critical time.”

 

“You’re a terrible liar, Ren.” Hux felt both caged by Ren’s arms and supported. He hesitated a moment and cursed himself for doing so. “How ugly _are_ you?”

 

Ren chuckled, the sound vibrating along the limbs that nearly embraced Hux. “Hideous. Children cry when they see me. Women run from me. Men ask what kind of universe could allow a monster such as myself to continue to live.” He shifted his body just a little closer to Hux. “But maybe you don’t care as much about appearances as you seem to.”

 

Hux felt his mouth tremble. “Take off the mask, Ren.”

 

“Why?”

 

 _So you can kiss me._ “So I can see for myself.”

 

It took a lifetime, but Hux refused to look away, to back down, to shrink from this. At a glacial pace, Ren’s hands pulled back, away from Hux, and came up to release the catches at the sides of his helmet. The abominable thing was lifted away. Finally.

 

At the last second, Hux was struck with the desire to close his eyes, to move forward blindly into whatever awaited. To kiss Ren without seeing him. This infernal pull Ren had on his soul had nothing to do with what Ren looked like beneath his shell. But he lost his chance. He delayed just a little too long. So he saw the truth.

 

Ren wasn’t human.

 

There was no possible way the thing standing in front of him was human. Ren was right; he was a monster. No human could have a face like that, sculpted by a master of the craft into flawless beauty. Pale skin, touched with pink at his lips and cheeks, unblemished as the snow of Starkiller. Even the thin, jagged white scar slashed up from his jaw to his hairline was perfect, designed to complete the image of the divine warrior. Midnight black hair tumbled down to frame his face, and dark brows cut straight lines above his eyes. His _eyes._ The color of the desert sky when the day was so hot and the twin suns so bright that you looked up and you swore the sky was almost black but then you kept looking and it resolved itself into the deepest, purest indigo imaginable.

 

Hux had never been in any such desert. But he knew that was the exact color.

 

His heartbeat stuttered. “Ren… you…”

 

Those eyes flickered into a new expression, one that struck at Hux like lightning. Ren was _shy_ , his cheeks coloring pink as he ducked his chin into his cowl just a fraction of an inch. The Knight raised a hand to run nervous fingers through his hair, and Hux noticed another flawless imperfection. Just above Ren’s left ear was a streak of hair that was a light sandy-gold color.

 

Ren was pulling away, retreating from Hux, his eyes downcast. That couldn’t be allowed. Hux grabbed at Ren’s cowl.

 

“Ren…”

 

Hux barely managed to get the word out before his lips were on Ren’s, meeting in a dizzying rush of sensation. Ren’s mouth opened in a gasping whimper at just that light contact, his breath brushing along Hux’s cheeks as he coaxed with his tongue more delightful sounds. Fuck, how long had it been for Ren, if just a simple kiss left him whining and boneless with almost no effort on Hux’s part? Had Ren ever been kissed before?

 

Stars. Ren being a virgin would explain a _lot_.

 

Said Knight was leaning heavily on Hux, now, pinning him to the wall. “Hux,” he whispered before planting open-mouthed kisses along Hux’s jaw and down his neck, drawing goosebumps out of Hux’s skin. Eagerly, Hux tugged his gloves off so he could touch for himself. His hands tangled in impossibly silky soft hair, and Ren moaned wantonly at the touch.

 

“Hux,” he breathed again, like it was important, like it was a lifeline, but then pulled away, pulled back to stare at Hux with those ridiculous, sensitive eyes. No wonder he wore the mask all the time. No one would take ‘Lord Ren’ seriously if they could see this face, those eyes, that mouth…

 

Hux’s comm pinged. A high-pitched, distressed sound danced over Hux, and Ren pulled the two of them closer, his hands tight at the back of Hux’s head and his ribs, their mouths locked together.

 

“Ren,” Hux whispered with great effort. “Ren, it’s alright…”

 

Like a gust of wind, Ren moved away, pulling himself off of Hux so quickly he left a vacuum. Hux staggered a little in his wake, a leaf tugged loose on that wind. Ren was staring at him, those wide impossible eyes far too much for Hux to deal with.

 

“Your eyes,” Ren said, as if he hadn’t meant to. The Knight was an open book without that mask, terrifying in how easily he gave everything away. It was horrible, like Ren was completely naked and raw, cut open, everything inside him exposed to open air. Hux never wanted anyone else to see his face…

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Hux said. The Knight had been saying something.

 

“I could never see your eyes clearly before,” Ren said, the blush in his cheeks darkening. “I… um…”

 

The comm pinged again, insistent and vulgar. Hux tugged the device from his belt and switched it on.

 

 _“Sir,”_ came Colonel Datoo’s voice. _“You left the bridge before we could verify the singularity pulse blaster commission. Do you have a final decision on that?”_

 

Ren tugged his cowl up over his mouth, pulled his hood up and over his head, and walked out of the room, the door closing behind him. Hux almost, _almost_ , managed not to let out a sigh of exasperation.

 

_“My apologies, sir, but this can’t wait.”_

 

“Colonel, I left word with Lieutenant Mitaka that the commission was to be postponed until next week.”

 

The door hissed open, and Ren stalked back into the room. Hux knew that body language: stiff and uncomfortable, but it was a _joy_ to see Ren’s furrowed brow, his lips pulled tight and just a little kiss-bruised.

 

“This is _my_ room,” Ren stated, his eyes barely able to meet Hux’s for even an instant. " _You_ have to leave. Not me.”

 

_“Ah, thank you, sir. Have a good night.”_

 

The comm went quiet. Hux really hoped that Colonel Datoo hadn’t heard Ren’s voice.

 

“Goodnight… Ren.” Hux said slowly, taking a cautious step towards the door. Ren followed him with hunger in his eyes. When Hux reached the door, the Knight walked over to him again, swooping in to catch Hux’s mouth again, sure and dominating, a far cry from the whimpering mess he’d been earlier, pulling away when Hux was dizzy and _damn_ Ren wore a cocky smirk well...

 

“Goodnight… Hux.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The piece of sky looked up at the blackbird. _Really_ looked.
> 
> “Your eyes… they’re _so bright_ ,” whispered the piece of sky. “They look like… me. I can see myself, my _real_ self, in your eyes.”


	20. Between Your Fortress and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and General Hux finally have a conversation that doesn't leave one or both of them more confused than before.
> 
>  
> 
> Guess what, my friends? I forgot an important tag. I am so so so sorry. It's there, now. Implied/Referenced/Off-Screen Child Abuse. Heads up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "She insists you take them, sir," said Threepio. "Local folklore says that the giving of _laovn_ ensures safety for travelers."
> 
> Anakin squinted at the colorful paper box in his hands. "What the hell are _laovn_?"
> 
> "I can't seem to find a _direct_ translation, sir, but-"
> 
> "Nevermind, then. Just tell her we're grateful for the gift. We have to get going."
> 
> "Of course, Master Skywalker."
> 
> Anakin made his way up the ramp into the ship. "Ahsoka, are we ready to go?"
> 
> "Sure are!" grinned his padawan. "The village was awfully grateful."
> 
> "Well, we did put a stop to a rampaging murder machine for them."
> 
> "What's that?" The Togruta girl pointed at the box in his hands.
> 
> "I'm not really sure," he admitted. "A thank you and good luck gift of some kind."
> 
> "Can we open it?"
> 
> "You do the honors," Anakin said, passing her the box.
> 
> As soon as the lid lifted away, the sweet, buttery smell hit both of them like a bag of bricks.

Not really sure what to expect, Hux managed his anxiety in much the same way he always had. By making sure that the things that he could control were perfect. His uniform was clean and pressed, hair neatly done. He disassembled, cleaned, and reassembled his personal blaster.

 

Even if nothing happened today, after that strange day yesterday, it was never a bad way to begin.

 

He had long ago figured out that starting a day well was a necessity when dealing with Kylo Ren. Not that he had any idea of what the Knight was going to do, today. Their parting last night had been abrupt, and Hux hadn’t really had the chance to, well, talk to Ren.

 

Of course, now that he knew what Ren looked like under that mask, he could better imagine Ren’s reactions to things. A quirk of his lips, a flush in his cheeks…

 

Standing on the command bridge of the _Finalizer_ , Hux found himself wondering if he would even see Ren today, or if the Knight, like on many other occasions, would choose to avoid him. Then, Hux berated himself for dwelling on Kylo Ren. There was no need for such things, not when the deadline for Starkiller base was in just over three months.

 

It turned out that he needn’t have worried long, anyway. Fourty-five minutes into his shift, the door behind him hissed open, and Hux _knew_ who it was even before the crew went quiet. Usually, Hux would ignore Ren, not even acknowledge his counterpart.

 

Today, though, with a desperate longing prying his ribs apart, Hux could not stand unaffected. He lifted his chin and turned just halfway around, his left shoulder pointed right at Ren as he approached. If Hux's reaction surprised him, there was no hitch in his step or tilt of his head. But Hux imagined a look of surprise on that ridiculous face, anyway.

 

Five feet from the General, a respectable distance, Ren halted. For a moment, they gazed at each other, and for a moment, a brief moment of weakness, Hux thought Ren _wouldn't_ say something stupid.

 

Kylo Ren glanced upward. “I dislike the ceiling in this room,” he said.

 

All the air rushed out of Hux’s lungs, and he thought he heard a stifled cough. He glanced over at Officer Hide, who very suddenly was completely absorbed in stable geothermic readings.

 

“My Lord Ren-”

 

“General Hux.”

 

“Your opinion on the ceiling is irrele-”

 

“It’s a safety hazard.”

 

Hux took a deep breath and did not punch Ren. “The ceiling is a safety hazard?”

 

“Well, just _look_ at it, Hux!” Ren gestured wildly. “It’s so very tall! And parts are nearly vertical! And curved!”

 

“I don't see how-”

 

“Obviously,” Ren scoffed. “ _Try_ to use your imagination, Hux. What if the gravity-drive went out? In the middle of a battle! And the _Finalizer_ got flipped upside-down in atmo! If everyone was stuck on the ceiling, there would be no way to reach the controls from there. There would be no saving the ship at that point.”

 

Hux clenched his jaw. Where did he even come up with these ludicrous scenarios? “Name _one time_ that has _ever_ -”

 

“Battle of Coruscant, nineteen BBY. _Providence_ -class dreadnought _Invisible Hand_.”

 

Hux stared at Ren for a few seconds, resolving to remember the bantha-shit that Ren had just spewed so he could verify how wrong he was later. “You have a very strange knowledge of military history.”

 

Ren gave a lopsided shrug. “My education was a bit specific.” The Knight spun on his heel, his robes swirling dramatically. Hux was disappointed that he didn't trip this time. He must have been practicing. “I will speak with you later, General. I have other duties to attend.”

 

 _Like pulling apart droids with your brain and reprogramming them to sing the old Imperial Anthem during battle simulations._ _I_ know _that was you._ “You came to the bridge just to tell me you dislike the ceiling?”

 

Suddenly, Ren was coming closer, looming in Hux's personal space, ozone and smoke drifting around him. Hux felt his breath catch, and he _yearned_ to rip that absurd bucket off of Ren and feel skin, press his fingertips along Ren’s jaw and cheekbones, onlookers be damned.

 

“Yes…” hissed the mask. How inconvenient, that Ren's melodrama should sometimes get under Hux’s skin so well. “Don’t worry. I’ll hire some contractors to fix it for you.”

 

“ _Fix it for-_ ” Hux felt his face turning red. Did Ren have to stand so close? “Lord Ren, you will _not_ hire anyone.”

 

“It needs to be fixed.”

 

“There is nothing wrong with the ceiling!”

 

“I’ll pay for it myself.”

 

“You will _not_ remodel my command bridge!”

 

“You are so reckless, Hux. What if-”

 

“Then I'll have you float me up with your brain powers so I can reach the controls.”

 

“You’d have to keep me with you all of the time, just in case there was an emergency.”

 

“A sacrifice I am willing to make.”

 

Ren smiled. Hux could feel it, warm and joyous. “Very well, _General Hux_.” And with that, he finally did turn and leave, nearly running into the doorframe on the way.

 

Hux heard the very quiet sound of a credit chit being slid across a console, and none of his crew dared meet his glare.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The chronometer read 1323 and Hux was on his way to a meeting. When he palmed the door open, however, he realized that he must have taken a wrong turn. Rather than a board room, he found himself on a catwalk circling over some training rooms. He could hear Phasma barking orders and smell sweat and metal. Confused, disoriented, Hux looked around. There, at the far edge of the catwalk, swinging his legs back and forth, sat Kylo Ren. His helmet was off, and a tray of food sat next to him. He was watching the stormtroopers below, a slight smile on his face.

 

Hux walked over, keeping his steps quiet so as not to disturb the troopers, but not trying to conceal his approach. “You could have sent me a message, Ren.”

 

The Knight shrugged. “This was easier.”

 

“I thought you said that mind-control was a filthy Jedi trick.”

 

Ren winced a little. “This wasn't mind-control. It was… a suggestion that you might want to be here. And obviously you didn't want to be at your meeting, or you would have ignored me. You aren't weak-minded.”

 

“Was that a compliment?”

 

This time, Ren grinned wickedly up at him. “Come, Hux. Sit with me for a while.”

 

Hux huffed in exasperation, but sat on the metal framework, but kept his legs folded beneath him, rather than hanging over the edge like Ren’s.

 

"Do you have any brothers?"

 

"What?" Hux asked in bewilderment. "Brothers?"

 

"Yes."

 

Hux frowned. "My older brother, Armitage, died just before I was born. My mother must have had a fondness for atrocious names."

 

Ren nodded, a resigned look on his face. "I guess it was a long shot. Oh well."

 

"Why? Why are you asking?"

 

The Knight gestured at the tray of food between them. “Ever had dormanian pastries?”

 

“No,” Hux eyed the palm-sized squares.

 

“They're my favorite. The regional name for them is _laovn._ Flavored with only the highest quality of insect saliva.”

 

Hux glared but the mischievous light in Ren's eyes was oddly unreadable. Deliberately, Hux peeled off one of his gloves (Ren shivered when he did) and picked up a pastry. Only after he took a bite of the flakey, soft treat did Ren select one for himself. Ren’s gloves stayed on.

 

“Good?” asked the Knight as he took a bite.

 

Hux nodded as he chewed. “I don't usually like sweets, but this one is good.”

 

Ren's face lit up with pure delight. “Good.” He hummed, and tilted his head as he examined the handful of remaining pastries. “In many cultures across the galaxy, eating is a social activity. It is a way to bond and get to know others.”

 

“Is that what this is?”

 

“In a few cultures it’s taboo to eat in public. The act is far too _intimate_.”

 

Hux was disgusted at how Ren looked at him when he said that. Eyes focused intently on Hux's mouth as the pink tip of his tongue traced over his teeth, licking at stray crumbs. Alright, maybe the feeling wasn't really disgust. It was quite visceral, though.

 

“I need to go to that meeting,” Hux said before either one of them could say anything else.

 

“I’m not stopping you.”

 

“You could.”

 

Ren raised his brows. “Why General… what a thing to say…”

 

Hux didn't stop himself. He leaned forward, letting his bare hand brush along Ren's cheek back to his ear. The effect just that light touch had on Ren was instant and intoxicating. The Knight trembled, his eyes half-closing, his lips parting as he leaned into the touch. Hux could get used to this.

 

“I have to go, Ren. Starkiller is nearing completion. I can't skip out-”

 

Ren gave a strange laugh. “Starkiller. You are reckless…” Ren breathed, then frowned, clenching his jaw, the trembling eagerness falling away. Hux pulled his hand back to himself, tugging his glove on as Ren’s mood changed yet again.

 

“People have called me reckless, impulsive, even dangerous, but they must not know you very well. Sure, I don't think things through all the time, but you… you do. And then you do the crazy, dangerous things anyway. You're lucky no one keeps very good records on mercenaries, and those who do are easily bribed or threatened.”

 

A stab of fear-like anger mixed with wonder eased its way into Hux with Ren’s words. “You…”

 

Ren's eyes were going to swallow him. “I know who really killed your father, Hux.”

 

“You were the mercenary…” Hux shuddered. Memories he had buried long ago clawing up from their graves.

 

“Boaz Starkiller. Another name I have gone by, yes.” Ren offered another wild grin, this one shakier. “You even named your machine of vengeance after me. Romantic _and_ reckless.”

 

Hux stood, adjusting his gloves as he regained his balance. “You are an ass, Ren.”

 

“I’ve been called worse.”

 

“You…” Hux caught something at the border of his senses, a flicker in the void of Ren’s eyes.

 

_Don't leave._

 

Hux cleared his throat. “You will be at my quarters at 2100, Ren. Don't be late.” It wasn't a question, but it still sounded like one, hung in the air like one, waiting.

  
“Yes, sir, General Hux,” Ren answered with a hungry smile.  
  
  
"We will continue this conversation then."  
  
  
"As you wish."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo ignored the feeling tugging at the edge of his mind, strengthened his mental shields once more and threw all of his weight into breaking down the locked door of Commandant Hux’s rooms.
> 
> The door fell open. The first thing he saw was the open window. Snow was drifting through it like white feathers. The next thing he saw was the blood sprayed across the bed.
> 
> The third thing he saw was the child, trembling in the far corner, eyes wide with terror, small fingers gripping the Commandant's blaster.
> 
> The fourth thing he saw was Commandant Brendol Hux's body, crumpled and bleeding, between the boy and the bed.
> 
> Letting instinct guide him, Kylo knelt on the floor and looked at the child again. A boy, with the Commandant's fiery red hair. His clothes were rumpled and his feet bare. Kylo wished he was better at telling children's ages.
> 
> “Are you alright?” he asked quietly. No need to scare the kid.
> 
> Tears spilled down thin freckled cheeks. “I’ll shoot you, too, if you try to hurt me.”
> 
> “I don't want to hurt you,” Kylo answered, mentally reaching out, just for a moment.
> 
>  
> 
> _Pain. Always more pain. And fear. Fear of more pain. Would it ever stop? Just make it stop…_
> 
>  
> 
> Kylo shuddered. The boy… didn't want to be in his own body anymore. Didn't want to be himself.
> 
> Pulling back into his own mind, Kylo fought to stay calm. He could feel other minds moving around in the rundown hotel, wondering at the sound of blasters. Not Kylo's first choice of accommodations, but the Commandant had insisted on stopping here. Now Kylo knew why.
> 
> “What’s your name?”
> 
> The boy blinked a few times. “Evan.”
> 
> Kylo ignored the strange tugging at his heart, though later he cursed himself for doing so. There wasn't much time to think, which is why Kylo let the Force guide him. Hopefully it was the Force.
> 
> “Do you know anyone who can help you?” Kylo asked. “Is there somewhere you can go?”
> 
> The boy was still shaking, his face white with shock, but at least the blaster wasn't pointed at anyone anymore. “Dee Dee,” he said quietly.
> 
> “Alright,” Kylo said, standing at last. “Tell everyone I killed him, if that's what you want. Tell everyone that Boaz Starkiller shot him dead.”
> 
> Kylo drew his own blaster and fired at least ten rounds into the old man’s corpse.
> 
> He ran. And never looked back. But that child's eyes haunted him.


	21. Between Your Lines and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt the Radar Technician practices.
> 
> As I was writing this chapter, I realized that I have NO IDEA where the line between "mature" and "explicit" actually is. So PLEASE let me know if you think I need to bump up the rating on this thing. I will not be offended AT ALL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “... And that’s when I learned to say the word ‘trans’ _before_ anyone gets their hands down my pants. I’ve been much better about it since then.”
> 
> Obi-Wan was staring at him with a very unimpressed look on his face. “Are you finished?”
> 
> Anakin blinked a few times. “Yes? You asked-”
> 
> “I asked you if you were being safe in your… excursions, Anakin. I didn’t need all that detail. A simple ‘yes’ would have sufficed.”
> 
> “I didn’t even get to the part about the girl who could do the cool thing with a cigarra in her-”
> 
> “ _Anakin_!”
> 
> “Ear,” he finished quietly.

Stormtrooper FR-1623 wondered, for the first time in her life, if there was a higher power that punished sinners. It was the only thing she could think of, at the moment. This must be a punishment. Somehow. But not a punishment usually given to stormtroopers by the officers. No. She must have broken some law of the universe to deserve this.

 

A few others were staring. She didn't blame them. There was no looking away from the horrible, obscene display. The rest of the cafeteria continued their meals, their lives, in blissful ignorance.

 

 _He must know what he’s doing. He_ has _to know. He took off his glasses, for kriff's sake._

 

Everyone in FR-1623’s division had met Matt once or twice. He was, well, pretty weird sometimes, but he definitely knew how to fix things. The blond radar tech liked to tell outrageous stories and gossip. He was always friendly with the troopers. FR-1601 said that Matt wanted to be a stormtrooper, but hadn't made the cut.

 

Whatever Matt’s story was, he’d never done anything… like this.

 

He let out a contented sigh, as if the bland paste he was was… eating… was the most delicious food he’d ever tasted. The man lifted another spoonful to his mouth, and FR-1623 braced herself.

 

Matt’s full, pink lips parted, his eyelashes fluttering. His tongue darted out, just the tip at first, teasing at the edge of the eating utensil. Then he licked at the paste again, this time curling his tongue around it, caressing it. FR-1623 felt her face flush even warmer, and wondered if she could make herself pass out. Probably not. She couldn't even make herself look away.

 

Finally, Matt eased the entire head of the spoon past his lips, moaned, and then pulled it out again, licking about half the paste off as he scooped it up with that agile tongue. He closed his eyes, and FR-1623 could see him moving the lump around in his mouth, pressing it against the inside of his cheek, then up into the roof of his mouth before swallowing. The movement of his throat was hypnotic. He even tipped his head back just a little, letting her watch the entire process.

 

At last, Matt ate the last of the paste off the spoon, a thin strand of saliva hanging in the air between his mouth and the spoon for a moment as he slowly pulled it away. He licked at his lower lip, and raised his eyes to stare right back at her. FR-1623 felt her entire body grow hotter as he leaned forward, across the table, to whisper in her ear.

 

“I don't have any sensation below my nipples,” Matt breathed. He pulled back with a cocky smirk, winked, and walked away, leaving his tray on the table.

 

FR-1623 glanced to her right, where TR-0056 was staring after Matt, his jaw slack. “Did that actually just happen?” she asked him.

 

Out in the hallway, Matt whistled a jaunty cantina tune, his hands in his pockets.

 

 _Still have it,_ he thought as he put his glasses back on. _Even if it’s been…_ His steps faltered. _A while. Don't worry about the specific number. It's just been… a while. I’ve got this. Don’t even have to take any clothes off. Isn't sex just like driving a speeder? Once you learn how you never forget?_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The time was 2030, and Hux had finished all of his required work for the evening. He hadn’t meant to, but sometimes accidents happen. For a moment, he considered starting on his work for tomorrow. It would be nice to get a head start on things. The next few months would give him little downtime. He got as far as writing the first line of a letter to the general contractor when his door chimed.

 

Schooling his feature into neutrality, Hux stood, walked around his desk, and opened the door. Sure enough, the bane of his existence was standing on the other side.

 

“Good evening, General Hux,” said Ren with a nod of his head, nearly a short bow.

 

“You are half an hour early.” Hux let him in anyway.

 

“Yes.” Ren all but swooped into the room, the hem of his robes brushing against Hux’s boots. “You wanted me here early.”

 

Hux scowled. “I was under the impression that you weren’t reading my mind.”

 

Much to his relief, Ren took the helmet off. It seemed a relief for the Knight as well. He sighed and shook out the shoulder-length waves of his stupid non-regulation hair. Hux did not stare. “I think it was when I healed you,” Ren said, finally looking at Hux. He would never get used to those eyes. “It… forged a bond between us. I’m starting to think that such bonds were more common than the Jedi wanted people to know.” He shrugged. “I’m not really accessing your thoughts. It’s more like… I can just tell where you are and a surface impression of your mental state. The bond… might go both ways, even though you aren’t Force-sensitive.”

 

“I think it does go both ways,” Hux said. That would explain how he just _knew_ where Ren was, could hear the Knight’s voice even when he was across the ship. He waved at a chair, and Ren seated himself, his expression nervous, though he kept his hands still and relaxed.

 

“I could try to shield my mind from yours if it’s interfering, General,” he said. Aha, thought Hux. There it was. If Ren had been still wearing the mask, he would have sounded and looked completely confident and self-assured, like the question he was asking meant nothing to him one way or another, his body language at-ease and giving away nothing. Ren’s face, though, gave away everything. The Knight didn’t want to weaken this ‘bond’, but would do it if Hux asked it of him. How interesting.

 

“That’s unnecessary, my Lord Ren.” Hux walked over, pulling the glove from his right hand as he went to stand next to Ren’s chair. “There are other, more useful ways you could direct your efforts.” He did what he’d been wanting to do all day, tucking his fingertips under Ren’s jaw and running his thumb along a delicate cheekbone. The effect was instant. So easily Ren crumbled under the lightest touch, eyelids slipping shut, his whole body leaning into Hux’s hand ever so slightly.

 

Had anyone ever touched him like this? Hux imagined, for a second, the kind of training Snoke must put his Knights through. Had there ever been gentleness in Ren’s life? Or had it all been dedicated to strength, pain, combat, denial…

 

Before Hux could think on it more, Ren was moving, surging upwards, kneeling on the chair to put himself close enough to pull Hux down into a kiss. Hux put his hands on either side of Ren’s head, his fingers entwining with luxurious hair as their lips met. There was less desperation than their kiss last night, but this one hurt more, the pain of how much he wanted this shooting down through Hux’s throat and into his chest. He let Ren invade his mouth, their tongues slipping together easily, catching on lips and teeth and their staggering breaths.

 

Hux felt Ren’s hands at his collarbone, fiddling with the clasp there on his uniform. As soon as it was undone, Ren dipped his head down, pressing his lips to the hollow of Hux’s bare throat sweetly before beginning to suckle and bite.

 

“Oh, shit,” Hux whispered, his grip tightening involuntarily in Ren’s hair. That only served to urge the Knight onward, his hands slipping around to Hux’s back, caressing his spine and shoulders possessively. Soon, though, Ren was moving on, his tongue and lips eager as he kissed downward, lightly scraping his teeth along the top of Hux’s sternum. Both of their breathing was labored, now, and through the haze of want Hux thought Ren almost sounded like he was on the verge of hyperventilating as he slid from the chair to his knees in front of Hux.

 

“Hux,” Ren groaned. “I want to touch you.” True to his words, Ren’s gloved fingers were tugging at the buttons on Hux’s uniform trousers. “Let me suck you off. _Please…_ ”

 

How could Hux possibly say no, with Ren practically mouthing at the fabric of his trousers like that, his lips wet and his eyes huge and dark. No words would come out, so he nodded, starting to feel a little frantic. Maybe Ren’s feelings were starting to infect him.

 

Hux was already hopelessly hard, the cool air of the room on his cock making him gasp as Ren freed him, tucking the waistband of his underwear under his balls. “Gorgeous,” Ren whispered, and kissed the tip with a smile up at Hux.

 

“Ren…” Hux moaned, his hands still tangled in silky dark hair. He couldn’t seem to let go. Ren’s left hand came up to hold Hux’s right wrist, anchoring them both in the raging sea.

 

“I’ve got you, Hux. You can tell me what you want.”

 

Hux nearly choked. “Stars, Ren, I want you…”

 

Ren opened his mouth and licked at the underside of Hux’s length, dragging his lower lip at the tip. Hux practically convulsed, his hips bucking forward and his head falling back. Ren caught hold of him, though, the Knight’s right hand grabbing hold of his hip hard enough to bruise, but also hard enough to keep Hux still as he went about his work of easing Hux’s dick into his hot mouth.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Hux felt light-headed, like his legs were about to collapse beneath him. It was alright, though. Ren felt strong enough to hold him up with one hand on his hip, the other still at his wrist, gently caressing the delicate skin with a leather-clad thumb while his mouth did unspeakable things.

 

It was all far too much, far too fast. It had been a couple years since Hux had last tracked down a discreet partner and taken care of his physical needs in that way. Hux could feel the long line of Ren’s body pressed against his legs. He was seized with the urge to touch, to explore Ren with his own hands, to peel away the layers of darkness and have Ren tell him all of his secrets very… very… slowly.

 

“Ren,” he growled, astonished at how utterly _wrecked_ his own voice sounded, like _he_ was the one getting his throat fucked. “Ren, wait…”

 

But he wasn’t quite persuasive enough to divert the Knight. Ren looked up into Hux’s eyes and swallowed, and Hux was _gone_. He was pretty sure he screamed a few profanities, but he couldn’t hear himself over the ringing in his ears. As soon as the grey faded from the edges of his vision and he came down from what was easily the most intense orgasm he’d had in his life so far, he looked down to see Ren licking white from where it had dripped onto his chin and Hux just about lost it again.

 

Hux knelt down, finally able to pull his left hand away from Ren’s hair, only for Ren to grab that wrist as well. They knelt there like that for a moment, Ren holding still with his head down, his shoulders heaving as he regained himself, Hux helpless in his grasp.

 

At last Ren looked up at Hux, his eyes so painfully expressive, his cheeks flushed and his mouth wet.

 

“Are you with me?” Hux heard himself ask.

 

“Yes,” said Ren with only the slightest hesitation. “That was… pretty intense.”

 

Hux glanced down at the front of Ren’s robes. “I would not mind reciprocating,” he said quietly, wishing for a moment that he knew how to be kinder, softer, better with his words.

 

Ren’s entire face went red, and he blinked furiously. “That, ah, won't be necessary.”

 

“Ren…”

 

“No, really. You, um, have already done enough…”

 

Understanding dawned in Hux's mind. “Well, then those robes will become very uncomfortable in a few minutes. You could-”

 

Ren let go of his wrists and scrambled to his feet. Grabbing his helmet from Hux's desk, he grinned manically at the General. “Goodnight, Hux.”

 

He all but slammed his helmet on and _ran_ from the room. Hux stared after him for a moment, wondering what in the actual fuck had just happened. Ren really must be a virgin, to be so shy.

 

And to come just from sucking cock. Hux groaned a little as his body reacted to the thought. It would still be a few minutes before he could get up again, but his imagination was already in hyperdrive, coming up with all the different ways he could get Ren to feel _good._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Grateful for quarters so near to Hux's, Kylo all but crawled into his room and lay on his back on the floor, his arms spread wide, a tired smile on his face.

  
“I did it,” he whispered, victorious.


	22. Between Your Space and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just like hide-and-seek. But with blow-jobs.
> 
> Sorry for the slow update, guys! (I've been sick and it sucks). I dub this chapter "The Angst Sandwich" chapter. Silly amounts of Hux trying to _deal_ with things (Ren) in a hilarious and dysfunctional manner, surrounded by the cheese, lettuce and bread of soul-crushing feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia glanced up at Old Ben. He was deep in his meditation, his presence in the Force gentle and familiar. When he was meditating like this, he looked more peaceful than he did any other time. The lines in his face faded just a little, and Leia could imagine what he looked like when he was a younger man, a powerful Jedi warrior. His beard still had a few strands of reddish gold, but the rest of his hair was white.
> 
> Ben opened his eyes and smiled at her. Leia blushed and bent her head over the dishes she was still scrubbing. She should have been finished by now.
> 
> “Still hard at work, I see.”
> 
> She felt her face grow hotter. “I’m almost done.”
> 
> He laughed lightly, and then grew quiet. She risked another glance and saw him watching her with a distant look in his eyes.
> 
> “Tell me more about my father?” she asked quietly.
> 
> A corner of his mouth nearly smiled. “I was just thinking that you look a great deal like him.”
> 
> “I know,” Leia admitted. Sometimes, Ben was very predictable. This time, though, Leia saw something new in her teacher’s eyes. Or perhaps something that had always been there, but Leia hadn’t been able to see before. “You loved him, didn’t you?”
> 
> It wasn’t really a question. Leia could see she was right. “I did,” Ben said slowly. “But not as much as I should have. Or perhaps too much. Even now, I’m not sure which.” He took a deep breath, his gaze fixed on the floor.
> 
> Leia moved to sit on the rug before him, her arms around her knees. His eyes met hers, and she dared ask what Ben had never told her.
> 
> “How did he die?”
> 
> Grief swept over Ben’s face. “You’re old enough to know the truth, Leia. And strong enough. I only-” He hesitated. His next words were whispered. Sorrows too heavy for his voice to bear weighed him down.
> 
> “I killed him.”

After he’d escaped the research lab, Hux had gone on the run for three weeks. He’d stolen one of the facility’s unmarked shuttles and taken off into the Unknown Regions. Drifting from planet to planet with no destination, Hux had hidden among the crowds, kept his hair covered and usually his face as well, only dealt with people who could be silenced either with threats or quiet death. With no money, he’d had to steal and kill to keep himself alive and his stolen shuttle fueled enough to stay on the run and out of sight.

 

Even during that time, Hux hadn’t felt as hunted as he did for the next week aboard his own ship.

 

Kylo Ren was evil. And quite possibly had the untapped potential to be a tactical genius. Hux took to avoiding quiet corners of the ship. If a corridor looked abandoned, he would find another route. It didn’t seem to make a difference for longer than a few hours. Ren was  _ relentless. _ Any moment that Hux found himself alone, he very suddenly would find that he wasn’t actually alone at all. Ren would appear, guiding him into an empty office or maintenance room or even a supply closet, once. And once they were both alone in a place with a door that locked (Hux did notice that, and appreciated that Ren seemed to have the foresight to plan for such things) the Knight would sink to his knees and take Hux in his mouth, or crowd him against a wall and get Hux off with his still-gloved hands, or if Hux insisted that the previous three orgasms that day had been more than sufficient, thank you, then Ren would simply kiss him, slow and unhurried, as if time had no meaning to him.

 

It wasn’t that Hux wanted Ren to  _ stop _ (gods, he did not want Ren to stop) or even necessarily to slow down or find Hux fewer times during the day. Being so desired was a new experience, and intoxicating, but every single time they parted ways, Hux felt strangely frustrated. Not sexually, obviously. He hadn’t gotten off this often since his horrific experience with artificially-accelerated puberty. At first, Hux couldn’t figure out the source of his frustration. He sat in his quarters (alone in the one place that Ren seemed hesitant to invade without permission. At least Ren had  _ some _ sense of boundaries) and kept up with his work while the other half of his mind mulled over the problem. He wasn’t even sure there  _ was _ a real problem. Ren had become far more agreeable to the crew since their trysts had begun. Phasma had made more than one comment.

 

“Ren seems… more stable than usual.”

 

“Does he,” Hux said flatly as they walked to the training rooms.

 

Later, over their analysis of trooper performance, Phasma offered another observation. “You seem to be feeling better than usual, sir.”

 

Hux leveled a glare at her, but even unhelmeted she gave away very little. Unlike Ren, who gave everything.

 

_ That’s it. _ Hux realized with a small start why he had been increasingly cross with Ren. The man was giving everything. At no point had he asked Hux to reciprocate. In fact, the times Hux’s hands had strayed below Ren’s belt the Knight had gently redirected the movement. For someone who craved touch so much, Hux realized that it was very strange that he’d never even seen Ren without his gloves on, no inch of bare skin below his neck.

 

“Sir?”

 

Hux tried to erase the scowl from his face. “My apologies, Captain. Please continue.”

 

“It was not my intention to offend you, sir.”

 

Hux looked over the numbers on the display, hoping he appeared to actually see them. “My thoughts were elsewhere, Phasma. You’ve done nothing to offend.”

 

The two of them returned to the datapads before them. In the back of his mind, Hux began to plan his counter-attack.

 

‘Plan’ was probably too strong of a word for what actually happened. The next time Ren appeared from the shadows like a ghost, Hux planted his feet and squared his shoulders.

 

“Stop.”

 

Ren froze, then pulled his hand back from where he had been about to lay it on Hux’s shoulder. “Is there a problem, Hux?”

 

Fuck, Hux was starting to hate that mask. It flattened Ren’s voice, stripped it of the tiny nuances Hux had learned were there. Ren was aiming for nonchalance, and Hux had only the impression of the Knight in his mind to suggest otherwise.

 

“I require you to meet me in my quarters, Ren. Immediately.”

 

Hux was half expecting Ren to tease him for being so blatant. But. Again and again. Ren still caught him off-guard. Hux didn’t think he’d ever get used to Ren’s surprises.

 

“What? Now?” Ren’s voice crackled through the mask.

 

“Yes, now.” Why was Ren so shocked? “Do you have urgent business elsewhere?”

 

Ren looked down at the floor, then back at Hux. “Um. No?”

  
“Then walk with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia woke from her dream feeling like she had been cast adrift, like she was hovering in the air. She floated, watching herself eat her breakfast quietly, do her chores in silence. As if still dreaming, she watched herself wave goodbye to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru as she took the speeder to Old Ben’s house. She sat outside for a few minutes, not quite ready to venture inside. Ben was waiting for her. He could tell she was outside, but he was patient. He always was. Patient and kind, willing to wait whenever she had to work something out.
> 
> She wasn’t very patient. With one last glance to make sure she still had her lightsaber at her hip, she climbed down from the speeder and walked into the tiny house like a storm.
> 
> “Oh, this must be very serious,” Ben quipped from where he sat with his tea.
> 
> “It is,” Leia all but snarled. She tossed back her cloak and took two steps towards her teacher, thunder in her heart. “Why did you lie to me?”
> 
> He frowned, setting down his cup and straightening his posture. “About what, may I ask, have I lied to you?”
> 
> “I had a vision.” She clenched her fists. A shared dream with her far-away brother. The sisters whispering from the distant reaches of the galaxy. “You didn’t kill Anakin Skywalker. My father is alive.”
> 
> His eyes filled with old pain. “Leia, I didn’t lie. You must have just been dreaming.”
> 
> “I wasn’t!” she snapped. She could feel her whole body shaking. “Ben, I _saw_ him! He was hurt, but he’s still alive! He was walking through the sky…”
> 
> Ben was shaking his head, his eyes wide. “It isn’t possible. Shmi said she felt him die. No one could have survived-” He stopped himself, his face gone pale. “No _mortal_ could have survived…”


	23. Between Your Borders and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Kylo both exercise their right to say 'no'. I hope none of you really thought it was going to be all sunshine and rainbows from this point on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Leia and Luke dreamed together, they could go anywhere they wanted, do anything they could imagine. Dazzling sights of supernovas and comets raced alongside them, joyous and free. They held each others hands and danced over waterfalls and geysers, worlds of clay that cracked beneath their feet. The best dreams, though, were dreams of a waking sky, when black feathers followed them as they played among the stars.

Excitement was thrumming inside Hux, though he kept his body and face as calm as he could. He felt like he was at the cliff’s edge, looking out over bright blue-green ocean. Just a few more moments, and he would be running, leaping, diving into something new. Honestly, he didn’t know what it was. Wonder sparked along his bones and nerves. Hux tried to think of what it was he was really doing, what it was he wanted. With Ren.

 

Hux glanced at his unusually silent companion. Companion. Hux turned the word over a couple of times in his mind. Ren was something new. Never had Hux had someone he could reasonably call a companion. An infuriating, ridiculous, endearing, challenging, rewarding companion, so different from himself and yet, somehow, his exact match and equal in ways he was still trying to understand.

 

Still not letting any of this show, this strange, hopeful desperation that was tied to wanting to touch Ren but at the same time was completely different, Hux opened the door of his quarters and gestured for Ren to enter. As Hux locked the door behind them, he heard the catches release on Ren’s helmet. He turned just in time to watch Ren shake out his hair, fluffing it out and settling it in gentle waves around his sharp jaw and full mouth.

 

Those lips quirked upward. “I assume you had a reason for bringing me here, General.”

 

“I want to do this properly,” Hux said, his voice coming out sharper than he wanted it to. But he didn’t know how to be anything other than direct. “Get on the bed, Ren.”

 

The knight smirked. “I don’t take orders from anyone, Hux.  _ You _ get on the bed.”

 

An arrogant, irritating, fascinating companion. Hux wished he knew how to do this right, how to be appealing as he undid his uniform and shrugged out of it, slipping off his boots, down to his undershirt and shorts. Ren watched him silently, his eyes wide, like he was devouring the sight of Hux’s guileless disrobing. Hux barely had time to actually get on the bed before Ren was on him, guiding him down to lay on his back, the warm leather of those damn gloves ghosting over Hux’s shoulders, his knees, sliding up to skim over the bare skin of his waist. Ren kissed in an oddly artful manner, alternating between soft and harsh, lips and tongue and teeth moving in a pattern that stole Hux’s breath and left him seeing flashes of light behind his eyelids.

 

“Maybe you  _ have _ done this before,” Hux said as Ren began kissing along his jaw, the occasional sharp press of teeth shooting down his neck and chest to his groin.

 

Ren scoffed, softly teasing at Hux’s earlobe with his mouth. “I’m not a virgin.”

 

“Sure, Ren.”

 

Trying very hard to ignore the things Ren was doing with his mouth (it sometimes seemed like the knight forgot he even had hands) Hux dug his fingers into Ren’s back, trying to anchor himself and remember what it was he wanted most. As much as he’d been enjoying Ren’s affections, Hux was after a bigger prize than another quick orgasm. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he was sure he would know it when he had it.

 

Determined, Hux tried to feel for the seams and edges of Ren’s robes. He wanted to  _ feel _ the body pressed close to him, wanted to feel how real Ren was, see his body react to Hux’s fingers finding every sensitive place. “Let me touch you,” Hux gasped, tugging at Ren’s clothes.

 

Ren slapped his hands away, grabbing at Hux’s wrists and pinning them to the mattress on either side of his head. “Keep your hands there, Hux,” he breathed. “Or this ends.”

 

Hux couldn’t have stopped the whine that escaped him for all the power in the galaxy. “Oh,  _ fuck. _ Fuck me, Ren.”

 

The Knight hesitated for a breath or two. “Maybe next time,” he whispered into Hux’s collarbone. “But right now… I’m going to ride you.”

 

Stunned by Ren’s words for a moment, Hux watched as Ren reached up under his robes, a smirk still on his face as he managed some kind of contortionist trick, or maybe some sleight-of-hand or even the Force helped him presumably ease his trousers down his thighs. Hux bit back a frustrated groan. Of  _ course _ Ren would have some way of having sex without actually exposing any skin.

 

Ren settled back on Hux’s legs with his long fingers (still gloved, Hux’s increasingly frantic brain observed) splayed out over Hux’s stomach, caressing and driving Hux further and further into madness. A strand of dark hair was stuck to Ren’s cheek, an inky line cut sharp across Ren’s strange face. Hux couldn’t look anywhere else when Ren thoughtlessly licked his own lips, then bit at them as if he were thinking over his next action.

 

“Please let me touch you,” Hux whispered, his hands twitching helplessly, held only by Ren’s words. He was startled at hearing that quiet plea come from his own mouth.

 

“No,” Ren’s voice was low and dark and made Hux shiver. Those hands slipped down, ready to free Hux, ready to do what Hux feared. The same thing, over and over, Ren getting his fill of Hux and leaving, walking away while Hux starved, wasting away as everything was pulled out of him.

 

Ren leaned forward to kiss Hux as he freed his cock. Hux flinched away. “No,” he snapped, his voice just as dark as Ren’s. “Stop this, Ren.”

 

Just like back in the hallway, Ren froze for half of a second before pulling away, clambering off the bed, giving Hux space to sit up. Hux knelt there on his bed, feeling more naked than he actually was. The distance between the two of them seemed to stretch out, farther than reality. Farther than Hux could reach.

 

“I thought you wanted to have sex,” Ren said, his dark eyes cutting but not as sharp as his words.

 

“You’re just taking what you want,” Hux snarled. “And leaving me with nothing!”

 

“You’re the one who’s been getting off, Hux,” Ren raised his brows. “Many people would say that puts you in the better position.”

 

“I don’t  _ want _ to be  _ better _ than you, Ren! I-I want...” Equality. Companionship. A friend. A co-conspirator and ally. A guardian… and someone to guard. _ My soul. My other self. _ But none of those words would come out. Maybe Ren heard them, anyway. “I want… to like you.”

 

Kylo had a distinctly unimpressed look on his face. “Really? That’s what you want?” He snorted derisively. “I didn’t take you for wanting to have  _ feelings _ .”

 

Hux bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means that everyone knows how efficient you are. Everything goes the way it’s supposed to when you’re in charge. Simple. Easy. Straightforward. You don’t involve emotion.”

 

Hux tried to unclench his jaw, but everything in him had tensed so much it hurt. “I-”

 

“I’ve never even seen you smile, Hux.”

 

Well, that certainly wasn’t going to change at the moment. His hands were shaking, so he clenched them in the sheets to hide them. “So this is your opinion of me?” Hux hissed, nearly breathless with rage. “Thank you, Ren, for making everything so  _ clear _ as to avoid further misunderstanding.”

 

Ren laughed, the sound loud and cruel. Hux felt exposed, his skin peeled back.

 

“You are inhuman, Ren,” Hux hissed between clenched teeth. “You play at feeling emotion like real people, exaggerating it, making a show of your moods and tantrums, but underneath you don’t feel  _ anything _ , do you. Just cold, hard metal and wires, programmed to mimic a real person.”

 

Ren’s face was pale and sharp. “Stop-”

 

“More machine than man-”

 

“I said  _ STOP _ !”

 

Hux choked on his next words, invisible hands around his throat. They were gone quickly, though, leaving a void as cold and dark as space. Ren was looking at him with icy, distant eyes, no emotion on his colorless features. Hux felt chilled. He’d seen plenty of Ren’s fire. This frozen wrath was far worse.

 

Without another word, Ren stood, seemed to gather himself, and walked away. Hux couldn’t move, petrified, kneeling helpless on his bed, his fingers white-knuckled twisted in the covers. His arms were shaking.

 

He heard the door in the other room open. “Wait, Ky-”

 

But Ren was gone already, and Hux was left with the taste of a name on his tongue that he hadn’t meant to _ ever _ say aloud.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo made it about a meter into his room before his legs stopped obeying him. Slowly, he sank down to the floor, let his head rest on the hard surface. He wanted to curl up, to wrap his arms around himself, but everything seemed so far away.

 

_ What was your strategy? Hurt him and leave before he could hurt you? Well accomplished. _

 

Even Ben’s mocking taunts didn’t get a reaction. Kylo wanted to say something sharp and hurtful back, but the words wouldn’t come, and neither did tears. He simply lay in the dark silence.

 

_ Did that feel good? Do you feel like you did something right? _

 

When Kylo didn’t respond this time, he felt Ben’s anxiety spike. Kylo  _ always _ responded with anger. That was what they did in this terrible dance of theirs. Never had Kylo simply taken Ben’s verbal lashings with silence. 

 

_ Well, don’t just lay there! Get up! Go smash something; you’ll feel better, you big brute. _

 

Kylo didn’t respond, though. The soul-level pain was numbing, paralyzing his body and mind. He felt so small, so insubstantial. All he ever did was break things. Especially things he didn’t mean to break.

 

_ Don’t do this. You’re making the same mistake I did. Go talk to him. Tell him why. _

 

But Kylo couldn’t seem to respond. There wasn’t enough left in this awful body of his to fight much of anything. He couldn’t even seem to cry.

 

Maybe it was better this way. If Hux wasn’t close to him, then Kylo couldn’t accidentally hurt him. Hux could live his own life, away from the insanity and disaster that Kylo inevitably dragged everything and everyone into.

 

After a few minutes, Kylo felt Ben leave.  _ Good riddance. _

  
But that left Kylo alone, barricading himself into his own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So naive," the Emperor sneered. "So eager to believe in the goodness of those around you. Just like your father, really."
> 
> Luke steeled his mind, breathed in calmness. Kept his vision at the front of his thoughts. If he held on, nothing could turn him away from it. He could not fail. He turned his mind away from the shadow lurking in the corner of the room and centered himself.
> 
> "Your overconfidence is your weakness," Luke said.
> 
> The Emperor smirked. "Your faith in people is yours."


	24. Between Your Skin and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren pretends his shirt is stuck in his hair so Hux won't see him cry. Hux pretends not to notice.
> 
> Oh, look at that. More Trigun references. (This one actually took me by surprise when I wrote it back in May...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking at the sky I feel I see a million eyes  
> Which ones are yours?
> 
>  
> 
> Someday I will have a sky all my own
> 
>  
> 
> \- (vandalism excerpts recorded on the walls of subject 12)
>
>> *this observer notes that these two instances of subject 12's manic destruction are very strange when taking its usual behavior into account. The first phrase in particular. Subject 12 is not usually given to much imaginative thought, but here has imagined  
> 1) a sky in a room with no windows and  
> 2) a sky with many eyes.  
> The second line is understandable. After all, subject 12 has never really seen the sky.  
> 

Two days after Ren left, Hux still hadn’t seen him, hadn’t felt anything from his mind other than an achy static when he tried. He stood in front of the interrogation rooms, frowning as he wiped a small spatter of blood from his glove with his sleeve. The dark fabric was excellent for hiding blood.

 

Hiding weakness.

 

He heard Phasma approaching long before he saw her, but at the end of this hallway there wasn’t really anywhere he could go that wouldn’t force him to admit that he was running from her.

 

“Sir.”

 

This time, the word was both a question and a reproach. “Is this important, Captain?” Hux looked up into her mask. Why did everyone have to wear masks? “I’m rather busy. Our meeting at-”

 

“Sir,” she said again, interrupting. Phasma knew very well that he wasn’t actually busy at the moment. “Did the prisoner have any useful information?”

 

“No,” Hux snapped, walking around her. Her heavy footsteps kept up with him effortlessly. “The man was very resilient to my questioning.”

 

“Ah, so you asked him questions, then?”

 

Hux grimaced, clenching his tired hands into fists. Letting some of his anger spill over into physical exertion had been… exhausting. He didn’t feel any better, just more worn. Sadder. Older. Too old. Like he’d look in a mirror and find all of his hair gone white. He’d hoped that he’d feel more powerful, more in control, like he had when he was younger and inflicting pain on those who hurt him was the only power he had. The power to make them fear him.

 

“Of course I did.” The lie felt brittle and breakable in his mouth. He shot Phasma a sharp look. “Do you need something, Captain?”

 

She hesitated. A rare reaction, from her. “No, sir.”

 

“Then I will let you resume your duties.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Three days. Probably. Not more than that, surely, since Kylo had left Hux golden and copper and gloriously angry. Kylo pressed his back against the bedframe, the hard line reminding him of the fact that he did, in fact, exist at a point on a physical plane of reality. The room was dark, but he still stared at Darth Vader’s helmet. He knew where it was. He knew every warped facet and crevice of the wretched thing.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered at it. Kylo was too weak. So breakable. He had a purpose. A great purpose, and he was failing. Every moment he spent here, wrapping himself in his own misery, he fell further and further.

 

It was all Hux’s fault. Kylo tried to ignore the stab of steel in his chest at the mere thought of the man. If Hux didn’t exist, then Kylo could have continued as he had been. Wild with abandon, heedless of his own pains. He could’ve…

 

He could’ve…

 

He could have thrown all of himself into his mission. He could have held nothing back. He could have given his life if he needed to.

 

But… now his life wasn’t entirely his own anymore.

 

_ It was never entirely yours to begin with. Your actions have always affected those around you. And your inactions. _

 

“Great,” muttered Kylo. “ _ You’re _ back.” He huddled as far into his robes as he could. “Why are you even here, Ben? I don’t… Are you really that bored with being dead? Can’t you go bug Leia?”

 

There was a very small silence that spoke many words.  _ She asked me not to, anymore. _

 

“Oh.” There was really nothing more Kylo could say to that. Ben sounded so… lost.

 

“Everyone around me suffers,” Kylo breathed into the dark.

 

_ Except Hux. _

 

_ He suffers when you’re  _ not  _ there. _

 

Folded in on himself, Kylo wondered how much smaller he could possibly feel. He thought he’d been at the limit.

 

“I hate you.”

 

_ I know. _

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hux stared down at the report in front of him, his eyes scanning over the glowing lines of text but his mind refusing to tell him what the words were actually saying.

 

How dare he. How  _ dare _ Kylo Ren mess with him like this. It had been a solid four days since they had seen each other, since Hux had asked for more and Ren had refused, leaving Hux bared, skinned, ashamed. Hux had never been so humiliated before.

 

All because Ren had the emotional maturity of a two-year old.

 

All because Ren assumed Hux had the emotional depth of a petri dish.

 

All because…

 

Hux felt his shoulders tense, his jaw clench. All because Hux wasn’t good enough. That’s what it was. Because all Ren wanted was a quick fuck or two and Hux wanted more. Because Hux wasn’t… good… with words or gestures of affection. Because Hux had never learned how to show kindness. Because Ren had assumed that because Hux showed little emotion, that he had little emotion. Because Hux had kept his crystalline emotions secure in an iron heart. And then. His throat tightened, and his eyes stung. He felt like he was going to vomit. Again. The first time Hux had dared try pulling a fragile piece of himself out where someone else could see it, and Ren had trampled it like the horrid beast he was.

 

What fools they both were.

 

The door chimed a request to enter his quarters. Hux straightened himself, made sure his uniform didn’t show that he’d been slouching, swallowed against the bile in his throat, and then pressed the command to let whoever was there in.

 

Charred fabric and the metallic tang of blood entered the room, carried by the source of at least ninety-five percent of Hux’s problems. Hux tried not to show any reaction, to show how much even the sight of Ren’s stupid, abominable mask and robes affected him. Of course, he thought, maybe if he had shown a reaction in the  _ first _ place, maybe they wouldn’t be in the current mess they found themselves in.

 

“General,” growled Ren. “Hux,” he said, a little softer. “I… holy hells…”

 

The Knight reached up and lifted the helmet off. This time, Hux couldn’t have stopped himself from reacting if he tried. He felt his mouth tremble, his eyes widen. He never would grow used to seeing that face, he thought. Ren’s cheeks were pale, his eyes red-rimmed and exhausted, and he still took Hux’s breath away.

 

“I didn’t-” Ren started, and then bit his lip as if to stop himself. “I thought… I don’t know what I thought…”

 

He was rambling, babbling, trying to pick up different threads of thought and tie them together, but failing.

 

“When I was told I was to work with you,” Ren finally managed. “I don’t know what I expected but then I met you and-” Ren ran a hand through his hair, messing it without thought. “I thought I could keep… everything under control. I thought I could deny myself in order to get what I want, but…”

 

Hux stood from his chair. The desk was still between them, a shield. “Ren,” he said, his voice steadier than he expected. “What do you want?”

 

Ren blinked, almost a flinch, looking away, at anywhere other than Hux. He licked his lips. “You,” he whispered, finally meeting Hux’s eyes. “I want you.”

 

The honesty in those few words, like Ren had been laid out raw before him, his chest split open for Hux to dig through… Hux found himself breathless. He wondered what Ren saw on his face.

 

Whatever it was, it must have been enough. Hux stood as if paralyzed while carefully, his hands shaking violently, Ren started undoing the clasps on his robes. Ren’s gaze dropped down to the region of Hux’s collarbone, that startling shyness taking over again. Like Ren had gone years without anyone seeing his face, and he was unsure of how to deal with being seen.

 

The first layer of fabric fell to the floor, and Ren paused, shivering.

 

Hux stepped around the desk. He didn’t need to shield himself from this skittish creature. “Ren,” he whispered, his voice low, like Ren was an animal that would startle at any loud noise or sudden movement. Maybe he was. “Ren, you don’t have to…”

 

“I said I want you, didn’t I?” Ren said, his voice lashing out high. “And this is what you said you wanted…”

 

“Not like this,” Hux said. Not Ren disrobing like it was his last act before being led to the gallows. Like it was a necessary action, not one to be enjoyed but endured. Even Ren shedding that one layer had been the least sexual thing Hux had seen the Knight ever do. Hux hesitated, so much had changed in just a few moments, then took his own gloves off. “May I?” he asked, reaching out towards Ren, his fingers bare and fragile-looking, but Ren stared down at his hand as if Hux were going to strike him.

 

“Yes,” said Ren. His shoulders inched upward and inward, curving to protect himself from his own words. “Hux… I want this. I do. I just…”

 

Hux stepped forward, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Ren’s faltering mouth. He could feel Ren trembling against him. Hoping he was doing the right thing, Hux moved very little, not asking Ren for anything more, only attempting to reassure the Knight. As he did so, his mind started to race. Clearly… clearly Hux had made some incorrect assumptions. Ren had come here terrified of… something. Hux wasn’t sure what. But it certainly cast Ren’s earlier actions in a new light, the attempts to keep Hux at a distance, never letting Hux touch, only touching Hux for himself. Getting Hux off, but never letting the General reciprocate.

 

Ren responded, his mouth opening to take Hux’s lower lip between his teeth and give a gentle tug. Hux groaned at the sensation, and Ren chuckled.

 

“You are an ass,” Hux muttered.

 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got a good one under here somewhere.”

 

“Panic to sarcasm in five seconds? Nice, Ren.”

 

The Knight shrugged and smiled against Hux’s neck, pressing kisses there and worrying at the skin with his teeth.

 

Hux set about his task, Ren’s hands guiding his to zippers, buttons, ties, buckles. Ren kept his gloves on, as always, and pulled his hands away when Hux tried to pluck one free.

 

“Not yet.”

 

So Hux peeled away the layers, the coarse fabric wearing at his fingerprints. It shocked him, how many layers Ren was wearing. Two outer robes, a softer, shorter robe, a long tunic, two undershirts… all of them just a little bit padded, structured to hide the body beneath. Ren was slender, lean but solidly muscular, his shoulders wide but not overly so, and his waist was girlishly slim, his hips narrow.

 

Hux bent his head to capture Ren’s lips in another, rougher kiss. He was undeniably hard, the trust Ren was giving him tasted heady and intoxicating. Pressing closer, Hux slid his hands down to the hem of Ren’s last shirt.

 

The Knight pulled back, his breath fast and wild again. “Wait,” he said. “I...I have to…” He wrapped his long fingers around Hux’s wrists and closed his eyes for a moment. His voice cracked when he spoke again. “I’ve never… no one’s ever seen this, Hux.”

 

Hux raised his brow. “I thought you were sticking with the story that you weren’t a virgin.”

 

“I… that was… before…” Ren swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I can do this,” he whispered. He let go of Hux and reached over his head to grab the back of his shirt to pull it over his head. The stretchy fabric tugged up to cover his whole head, Ren froze.

 

Hux waited a few moments, but Ren didn’t move. “Ren?” he said. “Are you…”

 

“I’m fine,” Ren insisted, but his voice was low and thick, like he was just barely containing himself. “It’s just stuck in my hair. Give me a minute.” He sniffled.

 

Stars. Ren was crying. Hux did his best to simply wait, his hands to himself, his erection wilting. “Do you… need help?”

 

“No,” Ren said. The syllable started as a low growl, but ended on a choked-off sob. “I-I can d-do this.”

 

“I’m sure you can,” Hux said. He hoped he sounded reassuring.

 

“I just…you’ll  _ hate _ me. You’ll think I’m disgusting.”

 

“Am I not allowed my own thoughts?”

 

Oddly enough, that must have been the right thing to say, because Ren tugged the shirt up a little further, then turned around. Hux was about to protest; he wanted Ren to face him, not hide, but then he saw.

 

The black fabric had slid half-way up Ren’s back, baring Ren’s skin to Hux’s gaze. Hux had never seen anything quite like it, not in all his military service, and not before…

 

The scars started below the waistline of Ren’s trousers, swirling and winding their way up and around. Pink and white and a few patches of skin that  _ almost _ looked untouched, Hux watched as Ren tugged the shirt all the way up to his shoulders. Ren’s skin was a map of pain and horror. Hux’s orderly mind tried to catalogue it: mostly burns, some blaster fire, shrapnel, whip lashes, chunks of flesh that looked as though they had been carved out by claws. All painted over and under each other.

 

To borrow Ren’s favorite curse, holy hells. How was the man even still alive? How did anyone survive… whatever this was?

 

Ren was shaking, sobs ripping out of him, shirt still over his head and arms. Shit. How long had Hux just been standing there, staring like Ren was some sort of sideshow exhibit? Think!

 

But for once, Hux couldn’t think. Instead, he watched as his own hand reached up and laid itself in the middle of Ren’s back, palm flat against raised lash scars. The Knight stilled, holding his breath, as Hux let his hand trail down, feeling every ridge and divot, every whorl of skin. Gentle and slow, Hux put both his hands on Ren’s waist, his fingertips finding even more scars unseen. Fuck.

 

“That’s just the back,” Ren sniffed. He was shivering so hard Hux thought his muscles would cramp just from watching. “No one’s ever seen me… all of me. Not after… not after…”

 

“Ren,” Hux whispered. He leaned forward and pressed a slow kiss to Ren’s upper back, just between his shoulder blades. “You’re terribly over-dramatic.”

 

What Hux did not expect in that moment was for Ren to simply collapse to the floor, folding in on himself like a great, gangly, scarred bird of prey. He was sobbing freely, now, his shoulders shaking with great heaving sobs. Hux had never seen anyone, let alone a grown man, weep with such abandon, like a dam had been holding everything back and had finally cracked, all of Ren’s fear and pain rushing out. Unsure of exactly what to do, Hux knelt next to him, pulled out his handkerchief, and tugged Ren’s shirt back down to let him wipe at the tears and mucus that were accumulating in alarming amounts. After deciding that the scrap of fabric was a lost cause, Hux handed the handkerchief to Ren so he could handle that part himself and simply wrapped his arms around the hysterical Knight.

 

“Oh, Ren,” Hux heard himself whisper into midnight hair. “You really thought I would find you hideous? That’s impossible.”

 

They slept in Hux’s bed that night, curled up into each other. Nothing sexual happened, but Hux found he wasn’t disappointed. After all, how many people got to hold Kylo Ren close and run their hands up and down his bare back until he shivered not from anxious fear but from the feeling of simply being touched?

 

For the first time in many years, Hux thought himself a lucky man.

 

And he considered the little crystal emotions he had held so close and protected so fiercely. The few that Ren had crushed just a few nights ago really didn’t seem so broken anymore.

  
And deep in Hux’s heart where he didn’t dare look, a new feeling was forged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your father's gone a-hunting  
> In the quicksand and the clay  
> And I found I cannot follow him  
> Although I know the way
> 
> Your father's gone a-hunting  
> Through the silver and the glass  
> Where only greed can enter  
> But spirit, spirit cannot pass
> 
> Your father's gone a-hunting  
> For the beast we cannot bind  
> And he leaves a baby sleeping  
> And his blessings all behind
> 
> \- Hunter's Lullaby


	25. Between Your Name and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux tries, and fails, to get out of bed.
> 
> I feel like this is a good time to remind everybody not to spoil things in their comments. Please still leave comments, but, you know, keep the spoilers to a minimum. If you must scream specific things at me, come do it at [ofcorsetstrash](ofcorsetstrash.tumblr.com) dot tumblr whatever.
> 
> Also, yet another Trigun reference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Do you have a soulmark?”
> 
> Han gave Leia a crooked smile. She curled a little closer to him.
> 
> “Not one you can see,” he answered.
> 
> Leia frowned. “What do you mean?”
> 
> He made a sound between a laugh and a sigh. “It’s… a wookie thing, actually.”
> 
> Leia’s frown grew just a bit more concerned. “A… wookie thing?”
> 
> Han laughed, and the sound felt warm. “Sorry. I’ll try to explain. Chewie and I have been around each other for a while, so I’ve learned a lot about the things he believes. It’s like this.” He shifted his weight to better support her. “Soulmarks have been known to show up on just about every sentient species, right?”
> 
> Leia had no idea where this was going. “Right?”
> 
> “Right. But in different percentages. Lots of Twi’leks have ‘em. A little less often for humans. And then you’ve got the Rodians, who have them less than half the time. And wookies. Only a very few wookies in any generation have one that you can see. Because the marks don’t exactly show through fur.”
> 
> Leia raised her brows. “So you’d have to shave a wookie from head to toe to even know it was there…”
> 
> “Exactly. And me and Chewie have talked about it. Humans have a lot of body parts you can’t see, either. So maybe just because I can’t see a soulmark on me, no matter how hard I look I can’t look everywhere, you know? I can’t pull my bones out to look at them or see if it’s literally written on my heart. You know what I think?”
> 
> She grinned. “Yes. But tell me anyway.”

The alarm wasn’t going to go off for another six minutes or so, but Hux was already awake. He breathed in, his nose buried in Ren’s silky hair. The knight smelled of salt and metal and skin, and his arm felt heavy where it was draped around Hux’s ribs. Ren was snoring just a little, air wheezing lightly through his nose and slightly open mouth. It was all terrible, really. Ren really was an overgrown child, clinging to Hux in his sleep like he was a stuffed toy. Like...

 

Like Hux was the kind of person who could be comforting.

 

Yesterday Hux would have labeled the feeling that flooded through him as disgust. Now he had no idea what it was, but he knew it wasn’t disgust. He tried to hold onto it, let it sink into his bones, memorize every facet of it so that he could figure it out. Maybe not today, but-

 

The alarm marking the time to start the day, to rise and get ready and face reality, started quietly and grew in volume, blaring and insistent that Hux acknowledge that his world was cold and grey and sharp. Not soft and black silk, golden light, porcelain cheeks and eyelashes starting to flutter at the sound.

 

Hux reached over and managed to turn off the alarm, but as soon as he went to slide out of bed, Ren’s arm tightened around him. The knight really was absurdly strong, pinning Hux with just one arm.

 

Sighing, Hux ran a hand along Ren’s shoulders. “Some of us actually do have duties to attend, you know.”

 

When Ren didn’t respond, Hux rolled his eyes. Still asleep, apparently. Gently, Hux tipped Ren’s face up, intending to kiss him awake or some other stupidly sentimental thing.

 

Ren’s eyes were wide open, and when Hux commanded the lights up higher, he saw that the knight’s pupils were contracted to mere pinpricks. Pale-faced, and clammy under Hux’s fingertips, Ren was trembling just a little bit.

 

“Oh,” Hux said. A panic attack.

 

“Don’t leave,” Ren whispered, harsh, stone scraping over delicate skin. Ren’s breathing was starting to come fast; every exhale carrying a slight whimper. Hux tried very hard not to panic, himself.

 

“I’m not leaving,” Hux whispered, trying to remember what was best to do for a panic attack. Calm. Soothing words. Repetition. Breath control. Right? That sounded right.

 

“Please don’t go.”

 

Hux shifted so one hand could cradle Ren’s head while the other could move up and down his back. The same motions Ren had fallen asleep to last night. “I’m not going anywhere. Take a deep breath.”

 

“ _Please_.” Ren’s gaze was still unfocused, wild with fear. Hux wondered what he was seeing. “Please don’t leave me.”

 

“Breathe with me,” Hux instructed. “You’re alright, Ren. I’m right here.”

 

Hux took a few deep breaths, but Ren’s breathing sped up, his fingers all but clawing at Hux’s back. “I can’t!” he gasped. “I can’t, I can’t… I’m sorry… please…”

 

Hux took more deep breaths, trying desperately to hold on to his own calm. “You’re alright,” he repeated. “You’re just fine. You’re alright…”

 

Tears spilled out of Ren’s unblinking eyes. “Please-” A sound seeped out of him. A cry a ragged, frantic whimper. “Please don’t hurt me.”

 

“I won’t hurt you. You’re safe.”

 

“Please don’t hurt me, Master.”

 

Hux’s brain stuttered, but he couldn’t stop to let himself think over Ren’s pleading words. “You’re safe. You’re with me…”

 

The name that had been cut from his heart sat heavy in his mouth. Hux swallowed, but it didn’t go down. It stayed there, on his tongue. He couldn’t fight it back, not while holding his own fears at bay while waging battle with Ren’s. It was too much, and Hux, after all, was only human.

 

“Ky,” he said. Whispered, Sighed, Prayed. Invoked. “Ky, you’re alright. You’re with me. Ky…”

 

Hux kept talking, keeping up a stream of gentle words he didn’t know he had, decorated with that name. Ren blinked. One. One, two. One, two, three. The corners of his mouth moved, quivering, then finally Ren closed his eyes and breathed in. Two three. And then out. Two three. Hux held him just a little bit tighter as both their heartbeats began to slow, still murmuring nonsense.

 

Finally, Ren tucked his head down, under Hux’s chin, pressing his face to Hux’s collarbone, and let his death grip on Hux relax. A shuddering sigh escaped him, and Hux heard one echo out of his own lungs.

 

“You called me ‘Ky’.”

 

Ren’s whisper was so quiet that at first Hux imagined it. But Ren shifted, and Hux caught a glimpse of a shaky smile at the shy corner of Ren’s mouth.

 

“I… yes.” Hux chewed on his bottom lip and noticed Ren staring up at the tiny motion. Instead of running his hand through his own hair in exasperation like he wanted to, Hux ran his fingers through Ren’s hair instead. Ren relaxed against him even more, affection-starved creature that he was. At least Hux now had some small idea why. Ren hadn’t _let_ anyone else touch him. The thought sparked a small wildfire in Hux’s chest.

 

“Ren, I lied to you.” Before that look of fear and rejection had time to settle on Ren’s face, Hux went on. “I told you that I couldn’t remember what my soulmark said. I lied. I remember.” Kylo’s eyes were wide and dark as night, staring up at Hux, his chin on Hux’s sternum. “I memorized what it said before it was removed. It wasn’t difficult, even for a child who could barely read. It said ‘Ky’.”

 

Slowly, as if disbelieving at first, Kylo’s smile lit up his face like dawn on the horizon. “It did?” he whispered.

 

Hux wondered for a moment what to do with this, this heartbreaking smile that Ren was giving him. It didn’t feel like he deserved such a treasure. “Yes.”

 

Kylo pressed his face into Hux’s chest for a moment, taking a few deep breaths there. Hux imagined that his shirt didn’t smell that great, given that he’d slept in it, but Kylo didn’t seem to mind.

 

“That’s _my_ name,” Kylo breathed. “When I… When I was first fr- on my own for the first time… I realized that I didn’t really know who I was. I didn’t… really have a name that I could think of myself as. There had always been someone there to tell me who I was, who I was supposed to be.” Kylo swallowed, his voice getting thicker, harder to hear from where his face was pressed against Hux, but Hux could feel his words vibrating along his ribs. “So I decided to come up with my own name. Something short and simple. Something that could never be taken from me, even if I… lost the rest of myself again. Just… a little piece of sky I could hold onto…”

 

For a moment, Hux thought Kylo had drifted back to sleep, but when he pressed a kiss to Kylo’s head and whispered “Ky” into his hair, the Knight shifted to smile up at him again. Hux cleared his throat before asking, “What did yours say?”

 

Kylo hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching Hux’s face for something. “It said ‘Revan’.”

 

A small sigh of relief escaped Hux. “Oh, good. That is the least hateful version of my name, next to just ‘Evan’.”

 

Kylo raised his eyebrows. “I promise to only call you Hrevander on very special occasions.”

 

Hux made a disgusted noise. “You will _never_ call me that. _Especially_ not on special occasions.” He looked over at the chrono. Only five minutes until his shift was supposed to start. He sighed. Ren was becoming a terrible influence. “When did you last eat?”

 

Kylo squirmed a little. “Um. Before, um…”

 

“Four days? Really?” Hux sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “Fine. You’ve talked me into it. I’ll let alpha shift know that I’ll be a few hours late. Do you like caf with your breakfast?”

 

Kylo smiled and let out a breathy pseudo-laugh. “I’ll just have whatever you have.”

 

Hux clicked his tongue. “That isn’t what I asked.” He slipped down further into the bed to press a lingering kiss to Kylo’s mouth. “It would please me, Ky, to know what you like, because you are your own person, and I want to know more about you.”

 

Kylo sighed, like a heavy weight had been taken off his chest. “Well, Revan, next time we’re in the Tongari system well have to stock up on a few things, but for now… yes. Caf and a nutrient bar would be great. And some water.”

 

“Good,” Hux hesitated. “Can I… get out of bed, now?”

 

A pause. “I’ll get up first.”

 

As Kylo eased his way away from Hux, the general felt something stir in his chest. A wanting. To say something.

 

“Ky?”

 

“Yes?” Kylo looked down at him, curious beautiful monster that he was, with hair sticking out all over his head, some of it stuck to his forehead, his eyes back to that impossible dark that followed Hux in his dreams.

 

“I…” Hux took a deep breath. He could do this. He let his face relax, let his mouth ease into a real smile. “I like it when you call me Revan.”

  
The smile he got in return was worth more than stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han rolled his eyes and kissed the top of Leia’s head. “I think that everybody has a soulmark. Every single sentient in the galaxy.” He ran a thumb across her wrist. “So what does yours say?” Leia scowled, and Han laughed. “You probably wouldn’t have asked me if you didn’t have one, your worshipfulness.”
> 
> She glanced up at him and blushed. “I’d ask you to promise not to laugh, but I think that’s too tall of an order for you.” She squirmed a little, thinking of the black letters along her spine.
> 
> “It says ‘Ace’.”
> 
> Leia was right. Han _did_ laugh.


	26. Between Your Thoughts and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren wrote like he learned to write personal messages from either a verbose politician or an uptight Imperial. Possibly both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Dearest Mother,
> 
> More and more, the Emperor stifles the actions of the Senate. It's frustrating, to try everything in my power, to successfully persuade the majority towards peaceful solutions, only to have everything I've worked for be destroyed with a few words from Emperor Palpatine. Still, at least the Senate still exists, even if only in a vestigial form. I've heard rumors that the Emperor means to completely dissolve the Senate, soon.
> 
> If that happens, I'll probably take your advice and officially join the rebellion. Maybe I could be of more help, there, anyway, and I've found that many Senators think I already have joined. I cannot deny that my sympathies lie in that direction, after all that you've taught me.
> 
> Senator Monev told me that he knew my father, that he was admired through the whole galaxy as a hero during the Clone Wars. I have to confess that I would rather have a living father than a heroic one.
> 
> I'm sorry, Mother. I shouldn't give you more to worry about. I'm doing well enough, and hope to see you soon. Give Bail and Breha my love. I'll try to write to them soon.
> 
> Your loving son,
> 
> Luke

 

 

 

 

 

Hux stared at the message he had just opened. On the command bridge. In the presence of his officers.

 

 

> Greetings, My Dearest General Revan Hux
> 
> Given my observations of your fondness for paperwork and written information, I have decided to dedicate some of my exceedingly precious and rare free time to make sure that there is a clarity of communication between us.
> 
> Should we continue to encounter each other in a manner that can be considered romantic, or at the very least sexual, I have laid out my stipulations for such encounters.
> 
> I strongly dislike being restricted in any way, so there will be no physical restraints on my person. While I do have the capability to free myself at any time from any restraints you would have access to, the mindset I would be in to do so would not be much fun for either of us.
> 
> Secondly, while ‘rough’ sex can be very enjoyable, I have no wish to cross the line into full sadism/masochism. I feel that the exact location of that line can be further explored through hands-on experimentation. The experiments will probably have to be quite thorough, just to make sure that there is no further misunderstanding.
> 
> If there are any stipulations or boundaries that you wish to express, I am open to both verbal and written communication.
> 
> Kylo Ren

 

Ren wrote like he learned to write personal messages from either a verbose politician or an uptight Imperial. If all of his writing was like this, then it was no wonder that he never submitted written reports. It would take him hours to compose what would take Hux only ten minutes.

 

“Sir,” Phasma said quietly.

 

“Yes, Captain?” Hux quickly closed the entertaining message.

 

She hesitated, and then spoke even more quietly. “You were nearly smiling, sir.”

 

Hux checked to make sure his face was blank. “Was I?”

 

“It was starting to scare Lieutenant Mitaka.”

 

“Well,” Hux reached up to straighten his collar. “My officers should learn to expect the unexpected.”

 

“Sir.”

 

Hux stared at her for a moment. “Captain Phasma, you should be careful about that attitude of yours.”

 

“I am, sir.”

 

At that, Hux really did have to fight back a smile.

 

Ren didn’t show up on the command bridge that day. Which wasn’t really unusual. What _was_ unusual was Hux paying attention to the part of his thoughts that now were somehow entwined with Ren.

 

It felt… warm. How strange. Hux was very accustomed to how his own mind felt; he’d lived in it long enough. But now, when he turned his thoughts inwards, there was a niche that didn’t feel quite the same. It wasn’t uncomfortable, really, just  different. New. He touched the knot of feeling and sensation and felt Ren on the other end, like Ren was curling himself around Hux like a blanket. A soft blanket. It wasn’t what Hux would have expected from the Knight.

 

_This is new for me, too._

 

Hux didn’t turn around, though he half-expected Ren to be standing right behind him, he felt so close. No… Ren wasn’t on the command deck. Hux focused. Ren was down several levels. In the training rooms? Hux smelled salt and tasted copper for a moment. Felt a drop of sweat trickle down Ren’s back. They both shivered.

 

_You could join me, if you really can’t focus on anything else._

 

Ren sounded very amused. Hux scowled, hoping the facial expression was what Ren felt through this strange bond, and not the very slight flush of embarrassment. It was only logical, he reasoned, to explore the uses of any new asset. And how to use it.

 

Half of him was listening very intently to the report that Colonel Kaplan was giving, the other half was wondering if the bond felt the same for Ren. Probably not. First of all, Ren was a powerful Force-user. _Everything_ probably felt different to him.

 

Secondly…

 

Secondly.

 

Hux clenched his jaw. Kaplan only very slightly stumbled over his words before continuing. Ren’s words from their fight still stung, though he was now fairly sure that Ren had simply been lashing out in fear of Hux actually finding out what he looked like under all those robes. But he’d played Ren’s mocking voice over in his head many times in the space of three days, hoping that the repetition would make them hurt less.

 

It didn’t.

 

Simple. Easy. Straightforward. Not one to involve _emotion_. Unsmiling.

 

Those were the words Ren had actually said, but more had been added later, in Hux’s own mind. In a voice that sounded horribly like his father’s.

 

Grim. Harsh. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling.

 

And Hux had been cruel in return, proving Ren right.

 

_Hardly._

 

Hux blinked.

 

_You proved me wrong, Hux. You showed more emotion than I had ever seen from you, threw all my words back in my face. And you were right, before. I didn’t really mean what I was saying. I was… afraid. Of what you would say, think. I… I’m sorry. I would be glad to try and make it up to you…_

 

That last sentence was filled with heat and the feeling of Ren’s smile. Hux ignored how his skin prickled from the feel of it. Instead, he thought it rather rude that Ren was talking to him when Hux was trying to listen to Kaplan’s report.

 

_Sorry! I just… you poked at me, and then you were thinking about me! I’ll be quieter…_

 

“Thank you, Colonel,” Hux said. “I’ll see to the issue of the maintenance droids. In the meantime, see that the hangar crew is prepared for random inspections.”

 

“Yes, General.”

  
Hux spent the rest of his shift thinking of his response to Ren’s message. The wonderfully convoluted one that Hux was considering having framed and hung in his private office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> General Skywalker,
> 
> It has come to my attention that you have been assigned to field duty in Christophis. A shame it is, then, that you departed before we were able to finish our last round of pazaak. As it is, I believe you owe me several credits. Do not fret, Skywalker, though your mastery of the Jedi arts no doubt is of service to you in suppressing any such emotion. I feel that we will be able to continue our game in due time, and until then I will do all of your fretting for you.
> 
> Sincerely Yours,
> 
> Senator Padmé Naberrie Amidala of Naboo
> 
>  
> 
> _^encrypted^_
> 
>  
> 
> _^message received^_
> 
>  
> 
> _Don't you dare die out there, Ani. Take care._


	27. Between Your Kindness and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has many friends. No, really, you guys. Stop laughing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "My mind is my own," he whispered. "My mind is my own. I can reach out to others. I can hold myself in myself."
> 
> "Good," Obi-Wan breathed. "Again."
> 
> Anakin took another deep breath, feeling it fill his lungs. "My mind is my own..."

Kylo held his tongue between his teeth in concentration, his focus fixated on the fine degree of control his task required. Which was good, really. Having to focus on the tiny screws and components in his hands was the point. To distract himself from where he was. And how much of his own skin was bare to the air.

 

In fact, his self-imposed job was so effective, he barely even noticed the faint  _ wooshing _ of the door opening.

 

It wasn’t until Hux walked into the General’s quarters that anxiety froze Kylo into a neurotic statue. Which was good. He hadn’t panicked  _ before _ Hux walked in. Progress!

 

After a few seconds, Kylo looked up at Hux, and was a little surprised that instead of looking at Kylo with his (terrifyingly) bare arms, Hux was studying what was in Kylo’s hands.

 

“That’s a different shirt than the one you were wearing before,” Hux mused as he shrugged out his his greatcoat and hung it up. Confirming that he had, at least, glanced at Kylo.

 

“Um…” Kylo glanced down, feeling his face grow warm. “Actually, it isn’t. I cut off the sleeves.”

 

Ignoring the obvious questions, Hux frowned at what Kylo had on the table in front of him. Various small tools, processor chips, wires, screws, bolts, and clamps were scattered around the battered head of a T-Y17 combat training droid.

 

“I would ask how you got into my quarters,” Hux said slowly. “But… what are you working on?”

 

“It’s…” Kylo looked down at it to remind himself. “Yeah. I’m fixing Teeny’s balance gyros.”

 

Hux’s brows twitched, just a little. Kylo found himself both embarrassed and incredibly entertained. It was way better than feeling too scared to look at Hux’s thoughts in case he thought this new view of Kylo’s body was ugly.

 

“For… Teeny?”

 

At that, Kylo actually laughed a little, some of the tension easing out of his shoulders. “Ah. I guess I could explain.”

 

“By all means.”

 

Kylo made himself sit back in the chair, relax a little bit more. Maybe, he told himself strongly, you don’t have to hunch over and hide yourself around Hux. Just maybe. “Well, when I was first stationed on the  _ Finalizer, _ I… made sure to introduce myself to all the training droids.”

 

Hux looked distinctly unimpressed. “You… introduced yourself… to the training droids?”

 

“Yes. Um…” Kylo shifted his weight a little. Hux was still clear over on the other side of the room. Hadn’t stepped any closer to Kylo than when he first entered. “You… you’ve noticed. I know you’ve noticed that I break things. A lot. And, um…” Kylo wanted to clench his hands, but didn’t. Kept himself from fidgeting. This really wasn’t a very big secret. He could tell Hux. Someday he hoped to be brave enough to tell Hux  _ everything. _ “In my training, I guess, I’ve learned that sometimes I don’t have enough to stop myself from destroying things, but if I try really hard I can choose what to destroy. Droids are more fixable than people and consoles are more fixable than cities or ships. So…” Kylo shrugged. As if what he was talking about was something that normal people did. “I made friends with all the training droids. Explained things to them. Let them know that they could trust me to put them back together after I wrecked them. That I could even do upgrades that they wanted, if they asked me. In exchange. I only smash up the droids who volunteer.”

Hux looked like he was shifting around his view of the universe. “That… makes a lot of sense.” Kylo flinched, his mind filling in what he thought Hux was about to say. The General proved him wrong, though. “I’d noticed that many droids were… not quite standard, anymore. To be honest, I just thought they were malfunctioning.”

 

Kylo laughed a little in relief. “Not at all. And Phasma let me know that having training droids with personalities was making the simulations more difficult for the stormtroopers to predict, so that’s a, you know, bonus.”

 

“At least Phasma approves.”

 

Kylo flinched. “‘Approves’ is a strong word. ‘Tolerates’, really.” He set his tools on the table and started sorting to little pieces into piles. “I used to be more lazy about it. I wouldn’t bother fixing consoles, and I’d put off doing the droid repairs and stuff for a few days, but after…”  _ After you told Snoke what I was doing. After that day I had to stand there and listen to (my) Solum Ren screaming in agony. _ “After it came to my attention that my actions were  _ inconvenient  _ to you, I’ve been much more… prompt, I guess. It’s good. Lets the anger out and then I calm down with fixing things.”

 

“Hm…” Hux sighed a little. “I didn’t know you had a mind for mechanics.” He was still standing over by the door, clear across the room. Why was he so far away? He’d barely even moved. The only thing Kylo was getting from their fragile little Force bond was some kind of snagging sensation. An unusual stutter. Not in Hux’s mind, really, but in his emotions. “Perhaps I should have had you help me design Starkiller Base.”

 

Kylo snorted a bit. “Mechanics, I can do, but large-scale engineering is something else. Besides, the power to destroy planets is insignificant compared to the powers of the Force.”

 

“Funny,” Hux countered. “I’m pretty sure I’ve  _ seen  _ you blow up planets with the Force.”

 

Kylo scoffed. “It was  _ one _ small moon, hardly a planet. Just a big rock, really.”

 

Hux  _ still _ hadn’t moved. Kylo frowned a little. “What?” Hux snapped.

 

“I…” Kylo stopped himself. Tried to think of how best to phrase this. “May I see what you’re feeling?”

 

“I thought you already could,” Hux said with a scowl.

 

“Most of my training in the Force has been… focused on how to keep my mind in itself. How to keep others out, and keep myself in, so to speak. It was a bit of a problem when I was younger, really. So that’s where my teachers worked with me to improve. I don’t lightly dabble in the minds of others.”

 

Hux finally peeled off his gloves. Kylo made a valiant effort not to drool at the sight. “That explains why you were so upset about Senator Amidala.”

 

“Senator Ami-” Kylo snapped his mouth shut so hard his teeth hurt. Damn. Hux had a good memory. With a grimace, Kylo had to admit that Hux was mostly right. “Yes. So. May I look?”

 

Hux really did have remarkable eyes. Sometimes they were like the surface of a lake, still and reflective. Other times, they didn’t reflect anything, but showed only great depths that made Kylo’s stomach feel like he was falling. After a few moments, Hux finally nodded. “Yes. You may.” Much to Kylo’s delight, Hux moved, then, crossing the room to sit at Kylo’s left. “This looks like a custom model.”

 

With a sigh, Kylo looked down at it, his left arm. All sleek black metal and thin wires that he usually kept covered. “It is. I did some of the modifications myself.”

 

The corner of Hux’s mouth actually twitched a little. Almost a smile. “I take it you don’t care for synthskin?”

 

Kylo shrugged . “I’m fine with synthskin, actually. Had it for a while on here, but…” He grinned, anticipating Hux’s reaction. “It got expensive, replacing it every time i used the semi-automatic blaster I built into it.”

 

With Hux distracted by the outrageous statement, it was easy for Kylo to slip his shields just a bit lower, to get a taste of Hux’s feelings. What he found made him grin like an idiot.

 

“You’re joking,” Hux said. Kylo raised an eyebrow. “You’re not joking. Hell.”

 

Kylo laughed. Again. Stars, it felt nice to laugh around Hux. “If you have a few free moments tomorrow, General, I could meet you at the shooting range for a demonstration.”

 

Hux looked torn, and with a delicate touch, Kylo could see why. On the one hand, he thought Kylo was absolutely ridiculous. On the other, he loved weaponry. And seeing a custom piece in action was always a joy.

 

“Tell you what,” Kylo said. “We’ll plan for it around the end of alpha shift. We’ll eat lunch and shoot things.”

 

Hux huffed, but didn’t object, which seemed in line with what Kylo had seen in his mind. Stuck over by the door, Hux had been trapped a little, struck immobile by his own fear of inadequacy. Hux didn’t  _ know _ that was what held him back. No. Kylo had seen it, Hux’s fear, but Hux didn’t have a name for it, had been unsure of what it was, exactly, that was going on in his own mind.

 

Revan Hux hadn’t known much kindness in his life, after all. Very little, mostly from a struggling nanny-droid. Once from a strange masked bodyguard who had let Hux know that someone, at least, out on the world, out where there was sky unframed by small windows and dark curtains, could show a skinny boy compassion. That not everything was harsh and cold or harsh and burning. Hux had held onto that tiny kindness, the quiet voice that didn’t hurt him, not even a little. He’d held on in all the long years since.

 

That was what Hux was worried about. Kylo smiled. Hux was worried that because he’d never learned to be kind or gentle or tender, that the capacity for such things had atrophied. That he was incapable of being nice to someone. And he wanted to. That was what made Kylo smile softly as he held out his mechanical arm for Hux to examine more closely, to trail his fingertips along.

 

Deep down Hux wanted, desperately, to show every kindness possible to Kylo, but didn’t really know how. So he’d stood at the door, showing nothing, his mind caught on the fact that he wanted something, that he felt something, but he couldn’t figure out quite what.

 

So. Kylo decided. He was going to smother Hux in kindness. Teach Hux, so that Hux could be as kind as he wanted. It sounded like a good plan.

  
Kylo ignored the part of his mind that reminded him that he was very bad with planning things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breha Organa carefully walked into the small but comfortable room. Her guest had asked for the quietest, most out of the way corner of the Palace possible, though she deserved far better.
> 
> “How are you feeling today, Padmé?”
> 
> The former Senator shivered, though the room was warm. The window Padmé had been gazing out of was open, letting warm summer morning air drift in on sunshine. In Breha’s friend’s eyes, however, was a dark winter night.
> 
> “More of the same,” Padmé murmured. “I don’t remember if I slept last night.” She swallowed. “Breha… I don’t know how much more of this I can take…”
> 
> Breha sat herself in a nearby chair, reached over to take Padmé’s hand. “I’m told that many new mothers feel overwhelmed. Especially with twins.”
> 
> “No…” Padmé said, her hand grasping tightly, like Breha was the only real thing in the world. “Your Majesty, I… this isn’t… I haven’t told you everything. Which… I should have. You deserve to know what it is you’re protecting.”
> 
> “I’m protecting my friend,” Breha said firmly. “And her children.”
> 
> But Padmé was shaking her head. Even in sunlight, she looked far too thin and sickly, Breha thought. “Ani warned me that they would be… unique. I guess the easiest way to explain it is that… Luke and Leia are very strong with the Force. Too strong. I…” A few tears escaped her eyes. “I can’t keep them out of my head. I don’t know how. They hear and see and feel everything I do, and the reverse. They don’t even realize that the three of us are separate beings, even though I’ve tried to explain it to them.”
> 
> Breha stared at her friend, her stomach clenching in sympathy. “But… they aren’t even two years old yet…”
> 
> Padmé closed her eyes, took a deep breath in through her nose. “They’re asleep in the other room,” she whispered. “Dreaming in each other’s minds, tangled in each other _all the time_. I don’t know what to do, Breha.”
> 
> Breha pursed her lips. “Maybe they need another Force-user to teach them. The Jedi used to recruit in infancy, right? Maybe it was to avoid things like this.”
> 
> “All the Jedi are gone.”
> 
> “Not Kenobi.”
> 
> Padmé’s glare could have cut through durasteel, but Breha leaned closer to her. “You told me that he’s still alive, Padmé. General Kenobi might be your only hope…”


	28. Between Your Longing and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Supreme Leader Snoke: Master Cockblocker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Padmé frowned at the strange child they'd sort of... _acquired_ on Tatooine. She wasn't really sure why Qui-Gon had gone to such great lengths to get Anakin to come with them. The Jedi was surprisingly difficult to get a straight answer from. And now Ben... _Obi-Wan_... wasn't speaking to her, either.
> 
> But Anakin was with them, now, and that was that. She noticed a shiver run over him, and he rubbed at his arms.
> 
> "Are you alright?" she asked.
> 
> He stared up at her with blue eyes like the sky. "I'm a little cold," he admitted.
> 
> "You're from a very warm planet," she said, mostly to herself, as she shrugged off her jacket and draped it over him.
> 
> "You just happened to be there during the hot season," Anakin said, smiling in thanks as he pulled her jacket closer around him.
> 
> "There's a cold season?" Padmé asked.
> 
> "Well, a less-hot season. It gets cold enough at night, then, that you can actually freeze to death without shelter. There's no moisture in the air, you see. Nothing to keep the heat near the ground. So when the suns set, it gets very very cold."
> 
> "I had no idea," Padmé confessed.
> 
> "I guess you've never been in a desert before, then." Anakin gave her a crooked smile. "I've never been anywhere that _wasn't_ a desert. I'm pretty excited. You seem sad."
> 
> The sudden change in topic caught Padmé by enough surprise that it took her a moment to get a hold of her emotions. "The... the Queen is worried. Her people are suffering. Dying. She _must_ convince the Senate to intervene or... I'm not sure what will happen."
> 
> Anakin shuffled around to kneel in front of her, his eyes piercing right through her, a surprisingly somber look on his face. "Here," he said, holding out his hand. A rough leather cord nestled in his palm, and strung on it was a small wooden pendant. "I made it. Carved it from a japor snippet. It will bring you good luck."
> 
> She picked up the pendant, felt the blade-marks with her fingertips. "It's beautiful, Ani." She slipped it over her head, pulled her hair through so it could lay flat against her collarbone. "Will it really bring me good luck?"
> 
> He grinned, and tipped his head knowingly. "That depends entirely on _you_."

The rendezvous at the shooting range did not happen the next day, or the next. Snoke had sent Ren on an  _ urgent _ mission, very important, oh yes. Hux had never wanted to punch a hologram before, but apparently this was his life now, full of irrationalities and illogical desires and wants.

 

The worst part, though, was that he was enjoying it.

 

Hux stamped down that thought quickly. He most certainly was _ not _ enjoying… whatever was going on.  _ This. _ He mentally gestured at the entire universe.

 

No. A war between the rotting remnants of a decadent republic and the militant skeleton of a fallen empire was nothing to enjoy. Even if the conflict gave you purpose, a direction to aim. Being experimented on as a child was nothing to be happy about, not even when the elaborate plan of revenge spurred greater heights of success. And being saddled with the most fickle, immature, volatile co-commander imaginable was nothing to be thankful for. Not even when…

 

When…

 

Hux swallowed, staring down at the report in front of him without seeing it. When it seems like, against all logic, the chaos was something he’d been waiting for all his life. Like Revan Hux wasn’t quite a whole person without Kylo Ren next to him.

 

Maybe that’s what people meant when they talked about soulmates.

 

Hux dropped his stylus from suddenly weak fingers. Ren was back. He could _feel_ it, the Knight’s presence on the _Finalizer,_ after two entire days of nothing. How very strange a sensation, he thought distantly as he stood from his desk and went to make himself a cup of caf. He needed it. There was no way he could handle Ren after two nights of terrible (non-existent, really) sleep without a cup or three. Maybe a cig, too.

 

It wasn’t long, really, that he waited. It was well into gamma shift. Most of the ship was asleep. Even the engines seemed quieter than normal, their drone a peaceful, lulling sound resonating through the vast star-destroyer.

 

There was a knock at the door, and Hux made sure his hair looked unruffled before he opened it.

 

Ren removed his helmet before the door even closed. He seemed... jittery, like _he_ was the one who'd just drunk several cups of caf. But he was trying very hard to control it.

 

"Hux," he said simply, by way of greeting.

 

"Ren," Hux responded.

 

Ren glanced around the room. "Where should I..." He gestured with the helmet.

 

"Just on the desk." Hux watched as Ren crossed the small space. He'd never  _consciously_ noticed how those robes draped around Ren, how they moved with him. How graceful Ren could be, at the oddest of times, in stark contrast to all those incidents when Ren tripped or ran into door-frames. Hux found himself wondering what the difference was. Was Ren naturally clumsy and could only seem composed when he tried hard? Or was it the other way around? That idea... tangled Hux's mind a bit. Would Ren really do that? Purposefully make himself seem more clumsy and awkward than he actually was?

 

“I… here.” Ren held something out to him. Hux blinked, his thoughts interrupted. Pinched between his fingers as delicately as the Knight could manage, Ren held a single black feather, about five inches in length. Hux tilted his head, wondering if perhaps Ren was playing some kind of trick on him. From this angle, the feather gleamed with tiny rainbows of color, hidden in the black.

 

“It’s a feather,” Hux said.

 

A smile tugged at one corner of Ren’s mouth, for a moment, flashing in and out of existence. “It is. My mission was on a forest world. It was dark, under the canopy, but in a tiny clearing there was a bit of sunlight, and right in the middle of the sunlight was this feather. I…” Ren’s face turned pink, and he bit at his lower lip. “I thought it was pretty. And… I thought of you.”

 

Slowly, Hux took his gloves off. (Mostly, part of him realized, because he loved watching Ren watch him take the gloves off.) With barely any tremor in his hands, Hux took the feather and held it, somewhat bewildered. The thin, hollow shaft of it was smooth, and warm from Ren’s touch. He traced along the feather with his fingertips, from the base to the tip. The fuzzy, downy part was so soft, he wasn’t even sure he could feel it or if he was just imagining. The stiffer fibers gave slightly under his touch, and he shivered at the silken line it ran over his skin.

 

“What do I... do with it?” The question came out harsh. Hux felt the scowl on his own face deepen, as it often did when he felt flustered. He hoped Kylo interpreted the harshness in his voice for what it was, rather than anger or disregard.

 

Ren pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes at the feather in concentration. Hux could actually  _ feel _ Kylo thinking it over. Fascinating. Kylo’s eyes darted up to the hollow of Hux’s throat, and Hux couldn’t stop himself from swallowing out of reflex.

 

“Here,” Kylo held out his hand. With a strange feeling, like a string being plucked in his diaphragm, Hux gave the feather back.

 

“What is on that datachip?” Kylo asked nonchalantly, even as his free hand dug into a pocket sewn into his robes, pulling out a strand of silvery wire.

 

“What data… oh.” Hux supposed it was inevitable, that Ren would notice the thing, tiny as it was, given that Ren had all but ripped his clothes off often enough. He pulled the chain out from under his uniform, over his head, and held the chip in his palm. “It’s… my medical records. As accurate as I’ve been able to keep them.”

 

“I gather that they’re different from your official records,” Ren smirked. 

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “Congratulations, Ren. You aren’t quite as dense as you try to make people think you are.”

 

“Don’t be like that,” Ren said quietly. “Is the stuff from the lab on there, too?”

 

Hux felt a chill roll down his spine, cold drops of water. “The… lab?”

 

“Yeah, the one…” Kylo stopped, and he blushed again, his shoulders hunching a bit more. The chill left immediately when faced with Kylo's embarrassment. “Ah. The one you told me about when you were really drunk. There.”

 

Kylo held the feather cupped in both his hands. Gently. Like this plain black feather was priceless. He'd wound the wire around the bottom of the feather, piercing through it and looping around. Hux saw immediately what Ren had in mind. He undid the clasp of the chain he kept the datachip on and picked up the feather. He slid the loop of wire onto the chain, letting it fall into place. Next to the silver, he thought, the dark rainbows in the feather seemed more like the shimmering of a dark opal or some other gem. Maybe Ren wasn’t so weird, thinking it was something nice to look at.

 

“May I?” Kylo took the chain from his fingers and reached around Hux to clasp it into place at the back of his neck. With Kylo’s face so close, arms around him in a near-embrace, Hux thought of leaning in closer to him, letting their faces, their mouths, be nearer…

 

And then they were. Hux breathed against Kylo’s mouth and watch the Knight’s lips tremble in response. “Thank you,” Hux whispered, then pressed even closer, rendering the space between them non-existent. They kissed. Slow and easy for the first time. It was even… sweet, Hux thought. Like they had all the time in the galaxy to taste each other’s mouths, and they wanted to, because the taste was better than anything they’d ever imagined.

 

A puff of air escaped Kylo’s nose, and he pulled away with a slightly dazed look on his face. “You’re in my head, Hux.”

 

“No I’m not,” Hux protested. A bit breathlessly.

  
“Yes,” Kylo insisted, rubbing at the back of Hux’s neck with his fingertips. “You are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Luke blinked his eyes against the blinding white desert suns, reflecting off the sands. Ahead of him was desolation. Behind him, he heard voices. He turned to look._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _“It’s… so quiet here.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“It reminds me of the desert.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“I’ve never been in a desert.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Two men stood, side by side, their backs to Luke. One was draped in long black robes, a hood over his head. The other had neatly arranged copper hair and stood with hands clasped behind his back._
> 
>  
> 
> _“You wouldn’t like the desert, General. It’s far too hot and dry, and everything gets dirty far too easily. You can die of dehydration without ever realizing that you’d broken a sweat, because the sweat dries from your skin instantly.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“So… nothing like here.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Luke looked around again, and realized that the white sand was actually snow, endless drifts of it, stretching for miles and miles…_
> 
>  
> 
> He woke with a start, nearly falling out of his bed. His throat felt parched, as if he'd been running for miles in deathly dry air. Still trying to wake from that dream, he staggered from his room in search of a drink of water.
> 
> That... hadn't been like any dream he'd had before. He'd wanted to dream with Leia, to tell her all about his day, but it was as if his mind had gotten snagged on something else along the way.
> 
> Clattering his way through the apartment, it was no surprise, really, that after a few minutes his mother wandered into the room, blinking and rubbing at her own eyes.
> 
> "Luke?" she mumbled. He felt a bit guilty for waking her. Padmé needed plenty of sleep to keep up with her duties as advisor to the Queen of Alderaan, and she often cut back on her sleep rather than on her work.
> 
> "Sorry," he whispered, holding his glass of water carefully as he walked over and put his arms around her. He was almost as tall as her, now. "I just... had a dream..."
> 
> She sighed and returned his hug. "A dream?"
> 
> "Yes?"
> 
> "About what?"
> 
> He rested his chin on her shoulder for a moment. "Snow? I think?" The details were already fading. Except... "Do you know anyone named Revan?"
> 
> Padmé went very still, then pulled back from him. "Revan..." she said softly. "No. I don't know anyone named Revan. Do you?"
> 
> No, he meant to say. "Not yet."


	29. Between Your Mouth and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is literally nothing but smut that picks up right where the previous chapter left off. And a single clue that's very quick and you'll probably miss it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So, do Jedi wear robes all the time? Do _you_ wear robes all the time?"
> 
> Anakin smirked. "Not when I'm naked, I don't."

It wasn’t long at all before Hux felt his back press into the wall, his fingers clenched tight in the front of Ren’s robes. It was almost like those old fantasies, he realized, that he had before he knew what Ren looked like, under the mask. Those daydreams of Ren pressing closer, of Hux drowning in smoke and whispers as dark robes wound around, entwining both of them. Closer and closer together, seeking, finding, yearning, touching.

 

Reality was even better, he thought.

 

“Ky,” he heard himself whisper. “Ky… Ky…”

 

Kylo groaned into Hux’s mouth, the vibrations from the sound tickling the roof of his mouth.

 

“Clothes,” Hux demanded as soon as his mouth was free enough to do so. “Off. Now. I don’t care, I don’t care…”

 

He couldn’t seem to say it, but Kylo, he supposed, understood anyway. That Hux didn’t care what lingering hang-ups the Knight had about his body, that Hux  _ needed _ as much skin on his as fast as possible. Kylo stepped back, and Hux went to work with a single-minded determination, his mind recalling for him every step in removing Kylo’s clothes those few days ago. The layers fell away under his hands, the fabrics alternating between soft and coarse, wearing at his fingerprints. He wondered, for a moment, if he was alright, when he caught himself thinking that he wanted this act to alter his fingerprints. He wanted Kylo to change him, to leave physical marks of his existence on Hux’s body.

 

“Huh,” Kylo blinked down at him as Hux reached the last undershirt. “You remember all of that from only one time?”

 

Hux shrugged. “I’m a quick study.”

 

Kylo raised his eyebrows, and his voice all but turned into a purr. “May I ask what  _ else _ you can do quickly?”

 

Hux had a moment of dizziness, disorientation. Like Kylo had asked that question before, but he couldn’t remember where or when. Or maybe it was just the sound of Kylo’s voice driving him mad… 

 

“Sorry!” Kylo blurted. “I, uh… didn’t mean to, um,  _ imply _ …” Hux stared at him, watched in amusement as Kylo grew more and more flustered, his ears turning bright red. “Um… maybe you should just kiss me before I say anything else stupid.”

 

“I guess I can get on board with that idea. For now.”

 

Their lips met in a dizzying rush, and Hux slipped his hands beneath the hem of Kylo’s shirt, his first thought dancing around how  _ warm _ Kylo was, under his hands. All that flesh thrumming with life, and he was being granted the opportunity to touch it. He felt faint furrows of scars against his palms as he lifted the shirt away. It really wasn’t  _ that _ bad. Not after the shock of Kylo’s back. The Knight’s chest and belly seemed to only have burn scars, whorled and rippled, almost seeming to cling tighter to the musculature beneath than most skin would. And that musculature was rather admirable, Hux admitted to himself. A sleeve of thick fabric covered Kylo’s left arm. To keep anything from snagging in the machinery, Hux assumed. The scars wound down his right arm, as well, fading away just below the elbow. Kylo had pulled that glove off, but the one on the left remained. The contrast made Hux shudder.

 

Centered on Kylo’s solar plexus, at the center of his being, was a starburst scar about the size of Hux’s palm. He laid his hand over it, feeling Kylo shiver as Hux pressed closer, kissing at Kylo’s shoulder as he backed them both towards the bed.

 

Kylo sprawled easily beneath him, pale skin near glowing in the half-light. His hair was a little tangled from Hux’s fingers, his eyes wide and dark, his lips red and full. Hux swallowed.

 

“You’re ridiculous,” Hux muttered, a bit breathy. Ridiculously pretty, for one thing. Ridiculously attractive.

 

Kylo raised an eyebrow, quirky and curious. All Hux could do in response is lean down to mouth along that long neck.

 

_ “Oh,” _ breathed Kylo, the sound all whispery and vulnerable enough to shred Hux's lungs and throat. The Knight's fingers dug into Hux's back and shoulders. Hux felt like he was sinking very, very slowly into warmth while his blood ran hotter and hotter, beyond what he-

 

“Hux! Wait...”

 

Hux winced at the pinch on his right arm (was the use of the metal fingers  _ really _ necessary for that?), pulling himself away to drink in the sight of Kylo's dazed face. A bit…  _ too _ dazed, actually. “Are you… Is this alright?”

 

“Um…” Kylo swallowed and blinked several times. “I just, um… It's been awhile.”

 

Hux stared at him. “Yes,” he said. “You’ve mentioned that.”

 

Kylo took a deep breath. It was very distracting, since Hux had two hands splayed along his ribs. “I'm...um... sensitive. I guess. Very.”

 

“Sensitive?” Hux let his gaze slide downward, cataloging every detail visible to him from this angle, from the pinked imprints of Hux's own mouth to the glimmer of sweat in the hollow of Kylo's throat, to the intriguing swirls and lines of scar tissue decorating the Knight's torso…

 

“Yeah.” Hux looked up to see Kylo lick his lips. “Um. Sensitive.”

 

Hux forced himself to hold still for another moment. “How… how sensitive are we talking?”

 

Kylo tipped his chin forward, his eyes flickering towards the ceiling. This of course just made Hux want to drink him up even  _ deeper _ … “Well… you remember… when I healed you?”

 

Hux blinked. “Yes?”

 

“And… I put your hand on my neck to do it?”

 

Which was still a little weird. “Yes.”

 

Kylo hesitated, and Hux exerted excellent self-control. Like he always did. Of course. It was just… more of a challenge with a half-naked Ren brushing up against him with each breath. “I almost came just from that.”

 

As Hux watched, Kylo's face grew bright red. And then the words caught up to him. “Really.”

 

Kylo gave a tiny nod. “Yes. Hux.” He shifted a fraction of an inch closer, his eyes devouring the world. “Revan. Just from that.”

 

Hux experienced something he’d nearly forgotten was possible. He smiled without thinking about it first. “Stars,” he said. “So, do you think you could come from  _ this _ ?”

 

He dove in mouth-first, chuckling at the mental image as he sucked and nibbled and tongued at Kylo’s neck like it was the most important thing he could ever do. With his left hand he caressed Kylo’s jaw, his collarbone, gently thumbed along his jugular.

 

“Ye- _ eeeesss! _ ” Kylo keened, thrashing and whimpering under Hux’s ministrations. It seemed like he was trying so very hard to keep his neck and head still for Hux, but the rest of him writhed with pleasure that echoed across their bond like a symphony. Hux felt his cock throb, hot and heavy in the confines of his clothes. They are both tangled together, hands and legs and hair and breaths… “Oh, fuck! Oh,  _ fuck! _ Please!”

 

Hux moved his mouth to suck  _ hard _ at the spot just below Kylo’s ear. “Do it,” he breathed onto damp skin. “Come for me.”

 

Kylo tossed his head back, his eyes scrunching shut as a loud cry ripped out of him. Hux felt his jaw drop, along with his blood pressure, he suspected, as the wave of Kylo’s orgasm hit his mind, screaming pleasure rocking them both even harder into each other. The room swam around him, stars dancing in his vision, like the walls weren’t real enough to keep them out.

 

“Fuck, Ky,” Hux groaned as he all but collapsed atop the Knight, his hands still moving of their own accord, running soothing touches up and down Kylo’s bare skin as they both came down from…  _ That _ . Fuck. Hux hadn’t even undressed, though his shirt was still unbuttoned, the thin, silvery chain hanging from around his neck. He pushed himself back up just enough to see the feather resting lightly against Ren’s chest, they were so close together.

 

_ Fuck, _ Hux thought against as he took stock of himself. Had that really just happened? Had he and Ren both climaxed from Hux kissing Ren’s neck? Admittedly with a little bit of psychic feedback, but still… Hux reached down to palm his now-limp cock through his damp, sticky trousers. Definitely just happened. He ran his hands over the the front of Ren’s trousers as he kissed the unsteady Knight, seeking out physical confirmation, he supposed, of Ren’s pleasure. Finding nothing, but not thinking about it for a split second, Hux unfastened the ties at Ren’s waist and traced along the scars there for a moment before sliding his hand lower.

 

And lower.

 

And lower.

 

Still nothing...

 

“Would you like me to explain?” Kylo sighed with a faint tremble at the corner of his lips, almost a smile. “Or I don’t have to. You seem to be having fun exploring on your own. Though...” He shifted a little, artlessly pressing closer to Hux. “I used to be really good at telling people  _ before _ they got their hands that far.”

 

Hux sighed, too. The intensity of this encounter had rendered him boneless and he really didn’t want to try to focus on one of Ren’s rambling explanations. “As few words as possible, for now.”

 

“Alright. I was born without genitals.”

 

Hux blinked a few times, then sighed. He slumped to one side so he could curl up next to Kylo. Still, he couldn’t seem to stop touching, his tired fingers still longing for the feel of Kylo’s skin. “Alright. No genitals. Got it.”

 

“Are you too tired to care?” Kylo pressed a kiss to Hux’s forehead, his hands running through Hux’s hair. “Or do you actually not care?”

 

Hux shrugged one shoulder. Kylo’s touches were soothing, now. A healing balm that pulled the tension from his muscles and the ache from behind his eyes. “I was never very picky about things like genitalia to begin with. I probably-” A yawn took him by surprise, cutting him off. “Will think about it in the morning.”

 

“You probably will. You tend to think about things, Revan.”

  
Hux wasn’t sure how Kylo was managing to stay awake, after all that, but the Knight’s arms stayed strong around him as he drifted into deep sleep. In the brief space between waking and consciousness, Hux thought he heard Kylo humming, low and tuneless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How you doing, you old pirate?" laughed the man, a bright sparkle in his eyes as he threw his arms around Han Solo. "So good to see you! I never thought I'd catch up with you again. Where you been?"
> 
> Threepio leaned a little closer to Luke. "He seems very friendly," the droid said.
> 
> "Yes," Luke said slowly. "... Very friendly." Han's friend certainly cut a dashing figure in fine well-tailored clothes. And his smile was rather charming. Luke found himself a bit sorrowful, for a moment. He'd been away from anywhere civilized for so long that even _this guy_ looked put-together. Calrissian would have stood out like a sore thumb at any of the events Luke used to attend, but here, in the middle of nowhere, he swaggered around with all the rightful pride and lordship of a Hosnian courtier.
> 
> Luke put his hands in his pockets and tried to wipe the engine grease off of them on the fabric.
> 
> "What are you doing here?" asked Calrissian.
> 
> Han gestured at the battered _Falcon_ behind them. "Ahh... repairs. Thought you could help me out."
> 
> Calrissian's face fell in teasing shock and anger. "Wha-what have you done to my ship?"
> 
> " _Your_ ship?" scoffed Solo with a grin. "Hey, remember, you lost her to me fair and square!"
> 
> Chewbacca rumbled a greeting from behind Luke, and Calrissian grinned at the wookie. "Chewbacca! Still hanging around with this loser?"
> 
> With a start, Lando seemed to notice Luke for the first time. "Hello. What have we here?" His smile changed, his head tilted a little as he walked over to Luke. Luke told his knees to get their act together. There was no need to get all weak over some posturing, puffed-up- "Welcome. I'm Lando Calrissian. I'm the administrator of this facility. And who might you be?"
> 
> "Luke." He reached out to shake Lando's hand, but the man caught the gesture and moved Luke easily, turning their hands so Lando could sweep a short bow and kiss the back of Luke's hand.
> 
> "Welcome, Luke," Lando said with a smile that was far more genuine, and charming, than he'd been wearing earlier. Luke really hoped he wasn't blushing as hard as it felt like he was.
> 
> "Alright, _alright_ you old sweet-talker," groused Han. "Can we get inside? I'm starving!"
> 
> With a wink, Lando walked away, leading them into the building, already starting up a monologue about how great the place was. Han fell back to walk next to Luke.
> 
> "My suggestion?" grinned the smuggler. "Don't sleep with him."
> 
> Luke sputtered. "I wasn't-"
> 
> "You were. I can't read minds, but I can read people, kid. Plus, I told Leia I'd keep an eye on you."
> 
> Luke rolled his eyes.


	30. Between Your Reach and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy cuddles, alien anatomy, and both Hux and Kylo being emotionally stunted weirdos.
> 
>  
> 
> There is a very tiny, baby warning for this chapter. there is the briefest, barest, most insignificant reference to female circumcision. I'll just tell you guys the context here, it's so small. Kylo explains to Hux that he told one past partner that is the reason for his having no sexual anatomy at all. That's it. Super quick.
> 
> (And for those of you who are paying REALLY close attention and have read everything, you can probably put together who that partner was...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I remember it used to get so quiet at the Jedi Temple," Anakin mused. "So quiet that sometimes during meditation I would just start screaming at the top of my lungs until someone came running. I would tell them that I was just checking. You never know, right?"
> 
> Unduli stared at him in quiet horror. "I... no. I never did anything like that. I enjoyed the quiet."
> 
> Anakin shrugged. "Suit yourself. The looks on their faces were always priceless."

At one point during the night, Hux rose back into consciousness just enough to attempt to strip off his very uncomfortable and itchy clothing. He succeeded, but also kicked Ren in the hip in the process. Ren barely even opened his eyes. Just scowled, grumbled a bit, then rolled over to simply drape himself over Hux and fall back asleep. So, really, it was a win-win.

 

Hux didn’t move much when he slept, but apparently Ren did. When he awoke to the sound of his alarm, Ren was still curled up next to him, but with his back pressed up against Hux’s chest, his hair tickling Hux’s chin. Hux tensed, thinking of the last time they’d slept together, but Ren turned his head to smile sleepily, his eyelashes brushing against Hux’s cheek.

 

_ I’m fine. _

 

With a long sigh that he didn’t know was in him, Hux pulled him closer, relishing how warm he was. Hux nuzzled at an old white scar at the back of Kylo’s neck. He traced his fingers over Kylo’s chest, firm but gentle, not too hard, but not soft enough to tease, either. The ache in his ribs and jaw made him feel like he could perhaps take a day off, just this once. Spend the entire cycle mapping out and memorizing Kylo’s body. It would be a worthwhile endeavor, he thought, and shouldn’t take too long. But he could say it was taking longer than it actually would…

 

A long, deep sigh hummed out of Kylo, vibrating his chest below Hux’s hand. “I wouldn’t object.” Hux felt a deep contentment in the back of his head. More than that, really, but he wasn’t sure what to call it. Kylo spoke again, his voice quieter, pressing like fingers at a healing bruise. “I… I’m glad. You don’t… mind the scars.”

 

Hux settled his hand over the scar he knew was over Kylo’s solar plexus and pressed his lips to his shoulder. It could hardly be called a kiss, just Hux feasting on the contact like a starving man. “Not really,” he said, honestly.  _ I wonder how you got each one, how you survived. I want to make sure you are never hurt again. I want to map them out, learn them. Because they are yours. _

 

_ I want to be yours, as well. _

 

Kylo gave no indication of having heard the thought, for which Hux was glad. Hux pushed himself up on one arm, the better to gaze down at his… companion? Partner? Lover?

 

Knight, maybe.

 

That would be nice.

 

“So?” said Hux.

 

Kylo stared at him for a moment. “So…”

 

“I’m fully awake, now,” Hux said.

 

“Lucky you.”

 

Hux lowered himself just enough to kiss Kylo. “So… I’m awake enough to hear a full explanation.”

 

Kylo snorted indelicately. “Mind like a krayt dragon trap,” he muttered.

 

“Well…” Hux kissed his jaw, then his neck, mouthing over the same spot he had last night. Kylo whimpered softly. “You don’t  _ have _ to tell me how best to satisfy you…”

 

A low, rumbly groan of protest, and Kylo pushed Hux away so they could both sit upright, though in the narrow regulation bed sitting side-by-side they still had to touch to keep from falling off.

 

“I’ve told you that I’m not human.”

 

Hux indulged in an eyeroll. “Yes. You have. You also once claimed that you needed two weeks to confine yourself to your quarters because you were shedding your entire skin in one piece.”

 

Kylo gave a low, goofy laugh. “Oh yeah. That was a good one. I actually spent those two weeks as a stormtrooper. DV-0067.”

 

Hux didn’t even have to think about that one. “I wish I were surprised, Ren. But I’m not. But I wish that I were.”

 

Kylo gave him a smile that looked more tired than anything else. For a brief moment, he looked a little older than he usually did. Then he lowered his head to rest on Hux’s shoulder. His words tickled at Hux’s skin.

 

“I’ve… never really explained this to anyone, to tell you the truth. I’m… really not human. I played it up for fun with you, but the truth is… I only look human. Most of the time.”

 

“Most of the time?” Hux repeated.

 

Kylo hesitated. “Some people have informed me that there are moments I forget to behave… human. I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but… yeah. In any case, one of the notable features of… my species… is that we don’t reproduce sexually.”

 

Hux frowned when Kylo fell silent for a moment. “How does that work?” he prompted.

 

“Oh, you know.” Kylo’s voice was suddenly much higher pitched and strained. “We were all constructed and grown in laboratories. No need to add sexual organs, ha.”

 

Ah, yes. There it was. The usual ‘I’m having to deal with Kylo Ren’ headache. Hux took a breath as he counted to five. It wasn’t just the things Kylo said (or at least not  _ only _ ). It was more often the way he said them. Trivial information was delivered with gravitas, while things like this (things Kylo cared about?) were spoken of in a dismissive manner.

 

What had happened to Kylo, Hux wondered, that made him so infuriatingly contradictory? It seemed like… like maybe it was a way Kylo tried to protect himself. One of many ways. Which just came around to the question: what had wounded Kylo so deeply? The Knight seemed hell-bent on protecting himself by any means necessary.

 

But… Kylo was trying. Hux felt his heart clench at the thought. As terrified as Kylo was of being hurt, he was still trying.

 

Then Hux exhaled to the count of seven.

 

“So when  _ I _ confess, drunkenly, to being at one point a laboratory specimen, it’s not a big deal, but when it’s you, it’s like the end of the world?”

 

Kylo made a protesting sound which died in his throat as a blush crept up his cheeks. “Well, when you put it like  _ that _ I sound ridiculous. And… I was actually thinking more of the anti-xeno sentiment of the First Order. I wasn’t sure how much of the propaganda about non-humans you believed.”

 

It was Hux’s turn to give a dismissive snort. “You’ve said, repeatedly, that I’m not the first person you’ve had sex with-”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you didn’t tell them the truth?”

 

Kylo shook his head, not meeting Hux’s gaze. “No, I… it always seemed safer or more convenient to just… tell them something else. Like… that man from Chandrila who apparently didn’t know what a clitoris even was, let alone what one was supposed to look like. There was one…” Kylo trailed off, his eyes distant, and for a full twenty-one seconds Hux could barely feel him there, right next to him. “I told her that I was born female, but I was captured by a savage gang and tortured and circumcised.” Hux shivered. Maybe someday he’d ask Kylo every question, including why he would make up such a story. Why he didn’t ask  _ now _ … He thought that one over as he brushed a thumb along Ren’s shoulder, rather hoping to gently coax the Knight back to himself. Maybe it was because of moments like this. Even when Ren offered up information about his past willingly, there was something in his mind that seemed to get trapped back there, in his memories. Gradually, eventually, he looked at Hux, not quite all the way back, yet, but at least a glimmer of mischievousness was there. “Most partners, though, I just said I’d lost my dick in a pod-racing accident. A cautionary tale.”

 

Hux felt his mouth twist. Had Kylo really never had someone he felt he could tell the truth? “People actually believed that?”

 

Ren shrugged, his gaze distant again. “You’d be surprised what people are willing to believe if it means they don’t have to think about things.”

 

A sick feeling churned inside Hux. “Ky…”

 

Just saying that name made Hux feel a bit like he had his own strange powers. The effect it had on Kylo was immediate. The Knight looked at Hux, fully present, like the two of them were the most real things in the galaxy. “Yes?”

 

Hux frowned, and carefully chose the words he wanted to say. He would hate to get them wrong. “Don’t ever lie to me. If… if there’s something you can’t tell me, or you aren’t ready to tell me, then say so. It’s alright. Please, I… I can’t promise I won’t get frustrated, but that’s so much better than knowing that you’re lying to me, or wondering if you are.”

 

“Oh.” The sound escaped Kylo quietly. “I, um… yeah. I can…” He pulled himself away from Hux for a moment, and Hux was shocked to find he already missed Kylo’s weight leaning against him. Ah, but the Knight took Hux’s hands in his mismatched ones, thumbs caressing the fine bones along the back of Hux’s hands. “I’ll try. I might need a couple of reminders, but… Alright. I won’t ever lie to you, Revan. I promise.”

 

Hux tugged Kylo closer, leaned in to kiss him, to lick into his lush, gratifying mouth. How hadn’t he noticed before? How much Kylo saying that name affected him? In that mouth, on those lips, shaped by that tongue… the name Revan sounded  _ obscene. _

 

The quiet in the back of his head chuckled a bit, and Hux realized his thoughts had been overheard.  _ “Revan,” _ Kylo purred into his mouth. The brush of his tongue and the subtle catch of his lower lip between teeth, the hum of the consonants sparking electric along Hux’s jaw and into his head.

 

Hux lowered lowered them both back down onto the bed, sucking and nipping at Kylo’s skin as the two of them poured into each other, skin sliding against skin in luxurious, indulgent friction. Kylo dug his fingers into Hux’s hair, the pressure on his scalp sending delightful pulses down his spine. Hux slipped his free hand down Kylo’s back, finding a pleasing grip at his ass and pulling the two of them closer together.

 

“Fuck,” Kylo whispered, already looking a complete mess, his eyes dilated and his hair in disarray. “Want you… so much. Always.” Hux felt trembling hands curl against his shoulders. “Want you… inside me...”

 

Of course,  _ that _ had to be the moment Hux’s second alarm went off, the one that he really couldn’t ignore. If he hurried, he would only just make it to the bridge in time for his shift.

 

_ “No…” _ Kylo whined, burying his face in Hux’s shoulder. It was terribly tempting to join him, but Hux bit back his own groan of stifled libido and frustration.  _ Someone _ had to be mature about their responsibilities. “You can be late one time, right? I’ll make it worth it…”

 

“No, Ren,” Hux growled a little as he peeled the clinging Knight off of him. “I refuse to rush this.” As Hux’s departure became more obviously inevitable, Kylo shied away, then all but leapt from the bed, his arms wrapped around himself and his face turning rather dark pink, gulping for breath. A bit disoriented by the sudden movement, it took Hux a second to put his words back together as he threw his uniform on. “I refuse to rush us, Ren. When we do this, we’re going to do it  _ properly.” _

 

Kylo  _ flailed _ , a bewildered look on his face. It was quite the sight. “What? What does that even _ mean _ ?”

  
Hux grabbed his greatcoat and slung it over his shoulders. There he stopped, paralyzed at the door for a moment. “I… don’t know,” he slowly admitted. “Maybe I’ll have it figured out by this evening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I draw the line at putting on a dress and dancing the Marati," Anakin pouted. "I'm a terrible dancer."
> 
> Obi-Wan pulled lightly at his mustache, trying to hide his smile. "What if the request came from _me_ , Anakin?"
> 
> The smile became more difficult to hide as Anakin seemed to give the question some very deep thought. Eventually, his former padawan turned his blazing blue eyes on Obi-Wan, the look on his face deadly serious. "It would have to be a _pretty_ dress."


	31. Between Your Smile and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much just more smut. Character-building smut. Also my favorite flash-back notes in this entire series, which is saying something.
> 
> Sorry about the delay in updates, my friends. I was dealing with some health issues that have now been pretty much taken care of (a head cold can be a terrible thing, apparently). I should be able to get chapters up no further apart than once a week (for the series overall, not just this fic), so yay! onward we go!
> 
> I'm still not entirely sure where the line between Mature and Explicit is, but since I know that one of the upcoming chapters will definitely deserve an Explicit rating, I'm changing that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grinning ear-to-ear, Shmi wiped her hair back from her face where it had worked its way loose. Undoubtedly smearing grease on her cheeks, but that was all right. 
> 
> "So _then_ the Corellian says, ' _Transport?_ I thought you said this was straight alcohol!'"
> 
> Shmi laughed, clutching at her ribs and nearly falling over where she sat on the dusty floor of the workshop. It wasn't really that the joke was any good. No. It was more the way Cliegg's face lit up when he was telling it. He'd started clear over on the other side of the room half an hour ago, but as they had talked while she worked on the reticulated magnometer engine for him, he'd inched his way closer and closer until they were seated on the floor together, elbows brushing when Shmi leaned over to grab another tool from the case.
> 
> "I can't believe a mechanic as good as you works for Watto," Cliegg said, shaking his head, his cheeks still red from laughing with her.
> 
> "You say that every time," Shmi chuckled. "I don't _work_ for Watto. You know that."
> 
> "Right," he said, more serious all of a sudden. Shmi tore her eyes away from the bolt she was tightening to take in the expression on his face, the silvery hair dusted into his beard, the smile lines around his eyes. "Guess I can't offer you a job, then. Out on my farm. Would save me all these trips. Have to take the entire day every time something breaks down."
> 
> "Things have been breaking down a lot lately, haven't they?" Shmi asked lightly, poking at his knee with the wrench in her hand. "I think you've been in here nine times in the last month." Not to mention the fact that some of the things he'd brought in looked just a little bit, well, helped along in their disrepair.
> 
> He shrugged. "Sandstorms are rough on equipment. The farm's nice, though. Me and Owen, we do what we can with what we have. He's good, that boy. Never complains." He fidgeted with the fabric at the knee of his trousers where it was wearing thin, and Shmi lowered her hands to her lap, just watching him for a moment. "The house is bigger than we need, just me and Owen. Aika... she always wanted a big family, may her soul rest well. There's plenty of room, is what I'm saying. And I think you and Owen would get along. Not that, you know... I know you miss your own son. Anakin, you said his name is? But I wouldn't-"
> 
> "Cliegg?" Shmi interrupted him, her hand settling on his, on his knee. "What are you asking me?"
> 
> His face went a bit red again, under his tan, and a bashful smile inched itself onto his face. "Well, Shmi, you're a real cruel woman, making me come out and say it. And you can say no, if you want, you know. I'd never... I'd never want you to be unhappy. And if you'd like, well-" He cleared his throat. "I've been saving up, setting aside some extra money. If you want... if it would make you happy... I could... I could buy you."
> 
> He looked up at her, and Shmi realized she couldn't stop smiling. "No one's ever actually wanted to buy me before," she said. Before Cliegg could look too confused, Shmi pressed on. "I mean, Watto kind of got tricked into the position he's in, poor guy. He's done well by Anakin and I. But maybe... it's time for me to move on, too."
> 
> She scooted closer, leaned in to kiss Cliegg's cheek. "I'd be happy to go with you, Cliegg."

The cool, hard surface of the ‘fresher floor was a nice anchor, Kylo thought idly, the sensation clinging to his back, his ass, the backs of his thighs. Hux’s refresher was just a little nicer than his. Plus Hux didn’t keep all of his clothes piled on the floor of the sonic shower. Kylo hadn’t really wanted to leave, once Hux had left for his shift. He felt despondent, a bit tired, a bit melancholy. Lazily, he let his fingers slide down between his legs, felt along his own body. He’d figured out a long time ago that he couldn’t orgasm without a partner, but sometimes it was nice to just go exploring. Should he be down in the training rooms, running through some lightsaber forms and harassing the droids? Definitely. Was he going to get around to that today? Maybe.

“Hey, Hux,” Kylo said aloud, feeling the sound in his belly, his head, bouncing off the ceiling. “So… I guess there’s a lot to talk about. To bad I’m too much of a coward to say anything. Plus, there’s always the very small chance that Snoke could pick something out of your thoughts, and then we’d all be totally fucked. We’re already in enough danger just sleeping together. Sorry. Guess I’ll just have to tell you later. If we both live through what’s coming. Which we should. If everything works out like I… yeah. So, don't worry. We’ll make it.”

Kylo sucked air into his lungs, held it there for a moment, then let it go.

  
“Yeah. We all will.”

 

* * *

 

 

Hux was happy and he had no idea what to do about it.

 

Somehow, he made it through the first half of his shift despite the fact that his arms and legs felt like they would float away any moment. His face hurt from holding back a smile for hours on end. Which seemed immensely unfair. Happiness wasn't supposed to be painful, right? 

 

Yet here it was, a blinding, incandescent happiness that  _ ached _ . It was so strong that Hux could barely think through it, could barely keep it at bay.

 

“Sir.”

 

“What is it, Captain?” Hux asked sharply, his voice sharp as he could make it. Phasma paused, and he realized he’d spat out the words point-seven seconds faster and half a step higher in pitch than he should have.

  
“Sir. You seem more…  _ manic _ than usual.”

 

"Is there a problem with that?" he asked sharply.

 

"Not at all, sir. I simply expect that the crew will be more efficient than their average."

 

"Good."

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kylo let himself into Hux's quarters without knocking. Hux didn't react, had felt Kylo on his way from across the ship. For a few minutes, Kylo just stood there, took off his helmet, and watch Hux type away at his work.

 

"You do more paperwork than you strictly have to," Kylo said quietly.

 

Hux raised an eyebrow. "Yes. I occasionally do some work that is below my rank."

 

Kylo chewed on that one for a while. "You find it relaxing. It's how you wind down in the evenings."

 

"So you _are_ capable of observation."

 

Kylo didn't feel observant, even when he was trying for the opposite  _ really hard _ . It wasn’t really that long ago that he’d watch Hux on the command bridge and think him distant, cold, emotionless. Sour and bitter, he remembered thinking.

What a fool he’d been. Now, when he looked at Hux, he could see it. How plain the General’s emotions were on his face. Tempered by Hux's determined self-control, but still there, and all the more rewarding for the time taken to see them. The faint curl of his lips, a tightening in the muscles of his cheeks, the shift in the dainty fine lines under his eyes.

“You’d have made a good Jedi,” Kylo said without thinking.

Disappointment and hurt edged up Hux’s chin and jaw though he managed keep his eyes distant as he switched off his console and stood to face Kylo. “Knowing your opinion of the order, Ren, I don't think I've ever been so insulted.”

Kylo huffed. “I meant that… well… If you had been a Jedi, you would’ve… been one of the good ones.”

Hux leveled a glare at him, and Kylo was delighted to catch just the  _ sensation _ of Hux's mind at work, turning over options and possibilities faster than Kylo could follow. It seemed that for the moment Hux was going to just leave that one alone.

“Ren, do you want to undress yourself?” Hux tilted his head slightly, drawing attention to his neck and hair and what a devious bastard. “Or would you like me to do the honors?”

Kylo  _ knew _ Hux was manipulating him, could see right through the General. But his head was already swimming with desire and was manipulation  _ really _ a bad thing when Hux was doing it to help Kylo? To give him just enough control not to panic but not giving too much and leaving him overwhelmed and paralyzed with too many decisions?

Alright now he was just stalling.

“I’ll do it… and you undress yourself, too.”

Hux smirked. It was unfair how good it looked on him. They both faced each other, just far enough apart they couldn’t  _ quite _ reach out and touch. Kylo tried really hard to turn off the racing thoughts, told himself the pounding pulse in his veins was entirely because of the heat in Hux’s eyes, the devastating pale skin being revealed inch by inch as Hux peeled himself out of his clothes.

“Next time,” Kylo panted as he stripped off his robes. “I’ll take that uniform off you with my teeth.”

That seemed to get a reaction, if the sudden wave of  _ want _ and  _ need _ that swept through his mind and across Hux’s lips was any indication.

“I’ll hold you to that promise, Ren.” Hux’s voice was all growly, now, rough and sweet in Kylo’s ears.

Hux reached out, took a step closer, then kissed him, pulled him in and pressed his open mouth over Kylo's and it was wet and messy and a little uncomfortable and made Kylo's stomach give a strange flutter. He ran his tongue over Hux's, drank in the sound that pulled out. Hux's hands settled on his upper arms, guiding Kylo back towards the bed. Half-expecting Hux to push him onto the bed, Kylo was surprised, and knocked a bit off-balance, when Hux let go of him, clambered onto the bed himself, reclining back onto the pillows, spread out like a feast for all of Kylo's senses. Heart thudding in his chest, Kylo drank in the sight. Hux laid out, completely bare, the joining of limb and bone unbroken, unhidden from him. Smooth skin, smooth lines, smooth glimmers of fine rose-gold hairs down his navel, dusted along his legs. The black feather that Kylo had given him rested on Hux's breast, a perfect soft dark that seemed to be exactly where it belonged. 

 

With a shock, Kylo realized that Hux was doing much the same thing he was, his eyes running appreciatively up and down Kylo's frame. Kylo instantly flushed harder than he could ever recall, the heat spreading down his cheeks, into his ears, over his neck and chest. Honestly, he didn't know what it was that Hux was appreciating, though the hard length of Hux's cock left no doubt that he was, in fact, appreciative. The kindest thought Kylo could manage about his own body was 'utilitarian'. His face was by far his best feature, but Hux wasn't looking at his face at the moment.

 

Deciding he'd just have to think it over later, when Hux wasn't looking at him like that, Kylo climbed onto the bed, letting his mouth do what it wanted, kissing up Hux while whispering incredibly filthy things that made himself blush even more, whether Hux heard them or not. He bit down lightly on Hux's collarbone, and the groan that earned him vibrated through his teeth. Hux shifted his weight, then, rolled them over so Hux was on top, his legs slotted between Kylo's and their hips pressed together. His cock was hot against Kylo's stomach, and he rolled his hips up a little, drawing another wonderful sound into the open air.

Kylo felt a distant glimmer of longing, faint echoed whispering down his neck and into his arms. An old want. He wanted to press his fingerprints into the hollows along Hux’s collarbones, between his shoulder blades. With hardly any hesitation at all, Kylo shot that longing to pieces and buried it deep beneath the desert sand. Easy.

With a deep sigh that felt heavier than he wanted it to, Kylo pulled lightly on Hux’s hips, nuzzled his nose beneath Hux’s chin. The General’s hands felt so nice as they cradled Kylo's head and neck and shoulders. Hux was careful with Kylo. The thoughtfulness with which Hux touched him hooked a smile into Kylo’s jaw and pulled it out, even though he tried to fight it. Not very hard, admittedly.

That gentle touch (but not too gentle) wound down Kylo’s chest, brushing over his ruined, too-sensitive skin to settle between his legs. If Hux was bothered by the fact that there was scar tissue there, too, he didn’t show it. Which… Kylo would have to think of a way to thank him for. Later. When all of his brain’s synapses were firing more correctly.

Hux was prodding, pressing at him, his eyes flickering from where he was touching Kylo up to the Knight’s face, watching. A ghost of a smile hovered around Hux’s mouth, and suddenly he wanted Hux’s  _ mouth _ where his fingers were. Kylo whined.

“Um?” Kylo tried really hard to focus for a second. “Yes? I, ah, yes, you…” The back of his mind helpfully supplied him with the words of some distant medical droid he’d consulted about his own anatomy, and then promptly wiped its memory. “My body’s system of waste disposal is rather similar to a human’s, though in some respects vestigial. I do have both a urethral opening and an anal opening. Neither are any more sensitive than the rest of me…”

Hux’s shoulders were shaking, and his head was lowered so that fine, red hairs were tickling Kylo’s stomach. It wasn’t until after the strange moment, after Hux lifted his head to give him a sharp blue glance, that Kylo realized that Hux had almost been laughing. “So… they’re pretty sensitive, then?”

“Yeah.” All the breath rushed out of Kylo when Hux lifted his own fingers to his mouth and began sucking on two of them, not breaking eye contact at all and  _ aahhhhh _ it was getting much harder to think. Especially once Hux apparently deemed his fingers ready, pulling them out, just a thin little trail of spit connecting his lips and fingertips for a moment. Then he licked it away, his mouth wet and red and how the  _ fuck _ was Kylo supposed to deal with this? Really?

Then Hux slowly pressed his fingers into Kylo,  _ still  _ not breaking eye contact and this was hardly fair? How was Kylo supposed to deal with this? Hux lowered his head for a kiss, his hands still at work while Kylo’s brain was trying to decide if it should be in overdrive or sputtering to a dead halt, and switching rapidly back and forth was making him horribly, wonderfully dizzy. Was there enough air in the room? Maybe they should open a window. Wait, no, they were on a starship. That would be a bad idea. And the reason Kylo’s breaths were coming in gasps was because Hux’s mouth was hot and wet against his, his skin, his throat...

Hux’s fingers were being  _ very _ kind, and for a moment, Kylo was content to simply let Hux finger him into oblivion, his world going fuzzy around the edges. Soon, though, there was a hard light in Hux’s eyes that made breathing considerably more difficult.

“Come on,” Kylo whispered. “I’ve been waiting for you…”

For a moment, Hux seemed to hesitate, right at the brink. Kylo couldn't stop the embarrassing, desperate sound that couldn't have possibly come from him, no way. But Hux leaned over to grab some oil from his bedside table and Kylo took the opportunity to lean up and mouth along Hux’s arms, his ribs, to suck a dark bruise into his chest.

“Next time,” Kylo growled. “I’m going to take you apart. You’ll be in pieces, and then I’ll put you back together.”

  
Hux groaned, his hand moving over himself, slick sounds making Kylo’s mouth water, and then his red-haired general was moving them both into position, his hands sure and confident every time he touched Kylo’s body, no hesitation there. Kylo felt wonderfully small beneath Hux. It was a nice change.

 

Hux eased in, and Kylo blinked rapidly against suddenly stinging eyes. The stretch felt so good, nearly as good as the soft press of Hux’s body against his own, the gentle weight.

“Good?” Hux whispered, his lips and eyelashes tickling against Kylo’s sternum. “Is this good? Is this what you want?”

Kylo whimpered, though he hadn’t meant to. He didn’t think Hux had meant to speak aloud either, his breathy words on the edge of hearing. Kylo lay his hands flat on Hux’s back, feeling the muscles beneath tense and shiver and relax in turn. He spread his legs a little more, tried to maneuver them even closer together, impossible as that seemed. Hux’s words went to his head, coiled around and made him dizzy with desire. He couldn’t remember if anyone had ever  _ just _ wanted him to be happy before, but that’s what Hux felt like...

“Fuck, Hux,” he whispered. “Fuck me-”

And as Hux began to move a distant, frantic part of him sent a message to the front of his brain. Careful, it said. Hux is human, it said, and therefore breakable. Relax your hands and arms just a little bit. So Kylo did and, oh, it was even better when he relaxed and Hux could move freely. Hux had buried his face in Kylo’s neck, his breath tickling and making Kylo squirm and everything felt wonderful and warm and shivery. Kylo stroked his hands up and down Hux’s sides and felt the muscles there, long and lean and shaking with effort.

The marrow of his bones burned, warmer as Hux kept up a constant rhythm. Kylo risked a split second of glancing through Hux’s surface feelings, finding something he didn’t expect. Hux was practically meditating, his mind clear and focused, though that focus was like a welding torch, brilliant and hot, cutting through all of Hux’s other thoughts that rose up so that there was only this exact moment, this pleasure.

When he came, it took him by surprise, cascading up through them both, shredding Kylo’s nerves and setting them ablaze. A name ripped out of him, and it wasn’t until it was hanging out there in reality that he realized he’d cried out the name ‘Revan’, the feeling of it still in his mouth. Hux’s breathing settled around Kylo, and his hands still grasped at his hips, relaxing and then tensing again as the aftershocks still swept over him. Kylo realized he had his hands tangled in Hux’s hair. Which was understandable. Hux had very nice hair, soft and fine. It had been the third thing Kylo had noticed about him.

Carefully, Hux eased over, laying himself down as Kylo let go of his hair. Hux’s head lay on his right shoulder, his tired hands still roaming over Kylo, like he couldn’t get his fill.

Kylo stared at the contrast between their skins, Hux flawless porcelain freckled with pinpoints of gold delicate blue veins and Kylo's lumpy white scars strung across thin pink tissue. Hux’s fingers traced over Kylo's ribs, effectively distracting and trailing up so Hux could settle his palm over Kylo's heart.

“Matching soulmarks are always in the same place,” Kylo heard himself say softly, so softly…

Hux’s pale eyelashes flickered. “Really?” He rested his chin on Kylo's shoulder, pressed his hand ever so slightly harder into the muscle of Kylo’s chest. “I’ve never heard that before.”

Kylo shifted, lifted his hand to run his fingers gently over the nearly-invisible scar on Hux's chest. The white, even rectangle was barely discernible from the rest of his pale skin, about as long as Kylo’s thumb. Hux's eyes went wide, and he shuddered, folding himself closer to Kylo.

“Yeah,” Kylo whispered. “Mine was over my heart. Just like yours.”

A memory came to him, a swirl of silk and golden light, a soft life that he’d long ago left behind him and. A poem. From that life. A cabin on a ship, the viewport looking out over trailing stardust and. A fragile teacup in his restless hands while a woman curled up in a chair across from him, her focus on her reading, so intent that a small line sat just between her eyebrows.

A frown was forming on Hux’s face, now, though with his lips swollen with kisses it looked more like a pout. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” Kylo protested, then remembered his promise. “It isn’t… you’ll think it’s weird.”

“I already think you’re weird,” Hux deadpanned, his words vibrating over Kylo’s skin.

Kylo shrugged, trying to ignore the tingly feeling in his shoulders, the tightness in his ribs and throat. The anxiousness was coming back, and Kylo didn’t want it here, in this golden warm moment. “It’s… a line from a poem. An old one. I don’t remember the whole thing; I only heard it once, but… It’s about soulmates, and for some reason one line got stuck in my mind. I used to think it was stupid. But…” He hadn’t even thought of it in years. Why had he thought of it now?

That was a stupid question. He knew exactly why. But maybe he could pretend for just a little longer? Put off for just a few more days Hux learning just how weak and pathetic and desperate Kylo really was.

Once more, Kylo’s mind conjured up that memory he’d held onto. The one he made himself recall whenever he felt like… like maybe… like Hux could actually like him. He remembered the look on Hux’s face while listening to someone being horribly tortured.

Back then, and in the years between, clear up until sometime in the last twenty-four hours, Kylo had only seen the same blank, stoic stare that Hux always had.

He knew better, now. And he wished he could have picture-perfect memory. So he could look back and see what had  _ really  _ been on Hux’s face. Maybe, if he’d been looking hard enough back then…

Ah, well. He tightened his arms just a little bit, held Hux just a little bit closer, and thought of that old poem.

  
“‘I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watto swore quietly, but not so quietly that Shmi didn't hear it. "You're both serious about this?"
> 
> Cliegg nodded, wearing his very serious face, now. "I am. Very serious." Shmi held back a giggle.
> 
> The Toydarian junk-dealer sighed, as if he were the most put-upon person in the galaxy. "Fine. It'll be good to be rid of her. Nothing but headaches."
> 
> "So," said Cliegg, all business. "What is your asking price for her?"
> 
> Watto scowled. First at Cliegg Lars and then at Shmi. He wasn't nearly as good at scowling as he wanted to be, so he practiced ever chance he got. "Five hundred credits."
> 
>  
> 
> _WHAT?_
> 
>  
> 
> Before Cliegg could say anything, Shmi grabbed his arm as if physically holding him back from speaking. "How _dare_ you!" she seethed at Watto, fury pounding through her veins and clenching at her jaw. "I've _never_ been so insulted, you puny bag of-" She stopped herself before she let Cliegg known just how many colorful curses she knew. "Ten thousand credits. And even that is far lower than it should be."
> 
> She felt all the air leave Cliegg very quickly, and hoped he wouldn't pass out. Watto looked completely dumbfounded, opening his mouth and closing it several times. He looked at Cliegg, but apparently got no help from there. "Um... one thousand credits."
> 
> Shmi narrowed her eyes at him, and he had the decency to look a bit embarrassed. "Watto," she said sweetly. "Do you really suppose I'm worth so little? Have you not noticed how much business I bring your shop? Eight thousand credits. Any less would be setting you back for months at the very least."
> 
> Scratching at his chin, Watto stared at the ceiling for a moment. Probably wondering how his life had come to this, haggling over a slave who he hadn't actually wanted in the first place, and who wasn't really a slave anyway, _with_ that slave. "For all the trouble poor Lars is inviting into his life by taking you off my hands, Shmi, I cannot in good conscience ask him for more than two thousand. Take it or leave it."
> 
> Well, Watto had a point, there. Shmi glared him down just a little longer, just to make her feelings on the matter clear, and then nodded. "Alright then. Two thousand credits it is." She turned to Cliegg, who was gazing at her with a slightly bemused, out-of-focus smile. "I'll go pack my things. You two can handle all the details without me, right?"
> 
> "Yes, dear."
> 
> Oh. Well. She'd never been called 'dear' before. Now it was her turn to smile at him all disgustingly soft and sweet.


	32. Between Your Face and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Phasma has only one duty, and that is to her troops.
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry for the slow udates! though it probably bother me more than you lovely people. I've been having to edit on my PHONE so if you see any typos please let me know!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin Skywalker slouched through the mess hall, a look of utter despair on his face. When he reached Ahsoka’s table, he all but threw himself into the chair across from her, then lowered his forehead to the table, banging it there a couple of times just for good measure.
> 
> “You’re in such a good mood today, Master,” Ahsoka grinned at the top of his head.
> 
> He groaned. “I have a problem, Snips.”
> 
> She took another bite of her food. “Is your problem the fact that you're sexually attracted to sarcasm and auburn hair?”
> 
> It was really hard not to laugh when Master Anakin started twitching so alarmingly. “I am not-” He sputtered a bit, like a rusty old speeder, then glared off into the middle distance. Some poor clonetrooper thought the Jedi’s glare was directed at him, and so promptly ran from the room. “You shouldn’t say such things, Ahsoka.”
> 
> “Say what things?”
> 
> Ahsoka grinned as Master Obi-Wan sauntered over to the table. Master Anakin’s face was getting really red, and if he glared any harder it was likely the table would catch fire. “Nothing,” he snapped. “Sometimes my dear padawan lets her imagination get the best of her, is all.”
> 
> “That’s a shame,” Master Obi-Wan said smoothly as he sat next to Anakin and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I always enjoy talking about your problems, Anakin.”
> 
> Master Anakin's face crumpled. “ _Everybody's_ picking on me...”

Captain Phasma was what some people described as singular of purpose. Other people described her as bloody stubborn. She didn’t particularly care one way or the other because both were correct.

 

Phasma had but one purpose. Her stormtroopers.

 

(It could even be said that her troops were the only thing she cared about.)

 

Her world was simple and straightforward. This was different than easy. Her days were orderly and scheduled. Her duties clear. The fact that she felt her primary and only duty was to the people she commanded, rather than those who commanded her, didn’t bother her in the slightest.

 

She knew precisely when it was that she had decided that General Hux was different than the other officers. For most of her life, she had thought the word ‘officers’ in much the same way that other people thought the word ‘parasite’. Something that existed and had to be occasionally dealt with no matter how repulsive, even if they had their place in the order of things. The fact that she herself was technically an officer was something she didn’t care to think about very often.

 

So when the _Finalizer’s_ new General had shown up nearly five years ago, Phasma hadn’t really cared. He was simply another man who would give orders from the bridge and send her stormtroopers to fight. Quickly, though, she had noticed that he was different because of the way he approached his command. He was stern and efficient, and if you wasted time you were sure to find yourself reprimanded either verbally, in writing, or in the form of a transfer or even corporal punishment. However, he _listened_. His expression hardly ever altered from a cold, distant facade, but at times Phasma felt as though she could see the speed of the thoughts behind that facade, calculating every outcome and how to attain it and coming to a decision in the time it took most people to think through a single idea.

 

Phasma had watched carefully, mildly disgusted with the way some of the officers would speak of General Hux behind his back during those first couple of years.

 

“Clearly has no idea what he’s doing,” she heard, despite the fact that in the offensives since he had taken command stormtrooper casualties were down by twenty-seven percent.

 

“Young upstart riding on his father’s coattails and the Supreme Leader’s favor,” a Major sneered, though the only people Phasma had heard mention Commandant Hux were jealous and petty upstarts themselves.

 

Only one month after General Hux had assumed command of the _Finalizer,_ Phasma had realized that she now felt a duty not only towards her stormtroopers, but also towards this strange man who utilized them so well.

 

It was less easy for her to figure out when she had decided that Kylo Ren fell under her jurisdiction.

 

“Captain,” Hux said calmly. “What is so important that we have to speak of it in private?”

 

She hesitated, then reached up and removed her helmet. It was important that he see, sometimes. Their cold gazes met, their mutual stoicism reinforcing each other. “It's about Kylo Ren, sir.”

 

Hux deflated, the freezing tension in the conference room instantly dissipating into warm irritation. “What has he done this time?”

 

Phasma regarded him for a few more moments, just long enough for the cold to seep in again. “I think he should be informed.”

 

Hux did not react outwardly to what she said. “Captain, your suggestion is appreciated. However, I disagree.”

 

“Sir.” _You see things others don't. You listen harder than anyone else I’ve met. Surely you’ve seen what he is._

 

“Ren cannot be trusted with this, Phasma. He’s impulsive, immature, and I'm convinced that he causes disaster simply by existing. Besides…” He halted, still nothing but cold scorn on his face. But he swallowed and his hands clenched. Phasma felt it in her own hands. “He isn't loyal to the First Order. Snoke's commands are _all_ he follows.”

 

“I see.” _You have seen him do this? Follow the Supreme Leader's words before yours?_ “Sir.”

 

“Phasma,” Hux said, his voice far softer than normal.  “Is… do you have information about Ren that I don't?” For a moment, even his eyes looked softer. He truly wanted her to tell him that he was wrong.

 

Much to her own surprise, Phasma looked away, her eyes lowered for several seconds. “No, sir.” She placed her helmet back over her head. “Just a feeling. Nothing concrete.” _Not yet._

 

Perhaps she had put off this conversation with Kylo Ren long enough.

 

He was easy enough to track down. Sitting in the cafeteria on C-deck, awkwardly perched at his seat, managing to jab his elbows into other people's way even as he seemed to be trying to not take up so much room. His knees kept knocking against the bottom of the table. She could hear his voice from across the room.

 

“... no _way_ that's true, is it? They’d have to have, like, ten arms _each!”_

 

It wasn’t until Phasma was right next to him that she noticed the atrocious wig he was wearing along with thick glasses on his face. For a moment, she considered asking what the hell he thought he was doing, but then decided she didn't care. After a moment of thought, she took the direct approach.

 

“You will stop harassing my stormtroopers and follow me.”

 

He stared at her a moment, surprise evident on his face, even as his cheeks turned slightly red.

 

“I wasn’t-”

 

“You know _exactly_ what you’re doing and you are going to stop. And come with me right now.” She glanced down at his shabby vest. “Technician.”

 

Kylo Ren’s face turned even more red, and for a moment she thought he was going to refuse. However, in a burst of motion, he stood up and saluted (terribly), hitting his shins against TR-0900’s chair and nearly falling into TR-0912’s lap.

 

“Yes, ma’am, sir.”

 

Phasma tried really hard not to think about the powerful Force-user behind her, lumbering along and taking up far more room than he physically should be able to. She thought for a moment instead about masks and faces.

 

Walking into officer lounge 3A, her mind spun as she glanced around, taking in their surroundings as she would on a battlefield. This could escalate, her instincts told her, and so she had to maneuver Ren into place without him feeling actually trapped. There were very few people in the room, and they only glanced over once before returning to their leisures as she led Ren over to a quiet corner. Just enough witnesses to give Ren pause should he think to attack her physically. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that, but this was _Kylo Ren._ She made sure they were both visible to people in the room, then took a step closer to him and spoke calmly and quietly.

 

"What are your intentions regarding General Hux?"

 

Ren sputtered a bit. "What?”

 

"Sir, if you would simply answer the question, we can both get on with our lives."

 

Ren tried to make a dismissive sound, but it didn’t come out quite right. He pushed his glasses against his nose, then crossed his arms in front of him. "I don't know what you're talking about, Captain. I’m just a humble radar technician. My name is Matt."

 

“I know who you are.”

 

He went very still, and the air grew heavy around them. A strange sensation bloomed against the back of her head, spreading downwards to spark between her fingers. Phasma reached up and removed her helmet. Again, she thought of masks and faces. Thought of how stormtroopers would call their helmet their ‘face’. She tucked the helmet against her side and stood very straight. He was shorter than her, his eyes burning up at her from underneath shaggy blond hair. It was considerate of him to leave the glasses on.

 

“All I want to know,” Phasma said slowly. “Is whether you mean any harm to the General.”

 

His mouth moved, but didn’t actually form an expression. “You want to know if I’ll hurt him?”

 

“No. You will hurt him. That’s inevitable, now. Two people as closely tied as you two are cannot avoid hurt.” The words felt strange in her mouth, like they weren’t her own. She glanced over her shoulder, as if she could spot some ghostly visitor whispering her lines to her. No one was there. “What I am asking you is this: would you ever harm him intentionally?”

 

Ren was looking over her shoulder, as well. Slowly, his eyes came back to hers. “You have some sensitivity…” he said, almost to himself. “So you should be able to feel the truth in my words when I speak. I would _die_ before causing him harm.”

 

Phasma stood quietly for a moment. Not all of what he said made sense, but he was right. Most commanders she would have scoffed had they said they were willing to die for another person. When Ren said it, though, it was like his words were etched into stone, into durasteel, into his own bones.

 

She made her decision, then. General Hux wasn't ready to let Kylo Ren know of their plan, and she would honor that. Ren, however, was a different beast than the people she usually interacted with. She wanted Ren to know that she knew. That she saw him, even as he wrapped terror and death around himself as a veil. "Sir. You have many people fooled. As far as I can tell, you even have General Hux fooled. You do not fool me."

 

“Do I not?” He was speaking quietly, and his face betrayed nothing. For a brief, delirious moment, she wished he was wearing his mask.

 

“My father was a lieutenant in the 501st. I grew up hearing stories of Darth Vader.”

 

His head tilted ever so slightly, still no expression, nothing on his face or in his eyes. A terrifying beast, indeed. Holding its own chains. “Do you have a point, Captain?”

 

“Permission to speak freely?”

 

“Granted.”

 

Phasma straightened her shoulders and put the words together. She was certain she’d read him right. That this was the right time and the right thing to say. “You can stop comparing yourself to Darth Vader, sir. You’ve already surpassed him.”

 

His mask dropped away. Phasma imagined she could hear it shatter to pieces on the floor. His eyes were wide, his face pale. “I-” He stopped. Opened his mouth. Closed it again. Glanced at the other people in the room. Tried to run a hand through his hair but only succeeded in knocking the wig halfway off. He straightened it, his shoulders hunched. His eyes didn’t quite meet hers.

 

“Fine. Whatever. Can I go now, _Mom_?”

 

“Don’t ever call me that again.”

 

He huffed and stalked away, still clinging to his mask. Several pieces were left behind, however. Phasma didn’t smile until her own mask was back in place.

  
It felt nice to have her suspicions confirmed. Darth Vader would have killed her five times over during that conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I sense much fear in you, Skywalker,” Dooku taunted. “And anger. And hatred.” Anakin knew. Oh how well he knew all the things he held in his heart. “Yet… you don’t use them.”
> 
> “Believe me, Count Dooku,” Anakin grinned. “You don’t _want_ to see me use them.”


	33. Between Your Dreams and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"What do you want most, Skywalker?"_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> To anyone keeping track... yes. Thematically speaking, this chapter is a direct companion to chapter 8 of Between Stars. It's...really best to read them one right after the other, if you don't mind jumping from fic to fic.
> 
> Chapter warnings: oh boy where do I even start. probably with panic attacks, dissociation, and ptsd
> 
> #kylorenhasissues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I keep dreaming of… of Leia. And… of my father. Over and over again, I dream that she kills him, and… that’s bad enough. But what happens after is even worse.” Luke breathed in the scent of dust and sharp dryness. “Sometimes I dream that Leia kills the Emperor, too, ending the Empire and freeing the galaxy. But the cost is so high. She never really is herself again, after that, falling further and further into darkness.
> 
> “It’s not the Dark side of the Force she falls to in my dreams,” Luke tried to explain, though he hadn’t really figured it out, himself. “I think it’s the Dark side of _herself_. Killing Darth Vader would destroy something important in her, something that so far she has managed to keep safe.
> 
> “Worse, though, is that sometimes in my dreams… Leia doesn’t kill the Emperor. Instead, he persuades her or overpowers her, and she takes Darth Vader’s place. Far worse than Vader _ever_ was…”

Over the next few weeks, General Hux learned several things about Kylo Ren.

  1. Ren preferred sonic showers to water.
  2. Hux liked seeing him with wet hair.
  3. Hux only got to see him with wet hair because despite preferring sonic over water showers, Ren really liked rainstorms.
  4. Ren was getting frighteningly good at maintaining something resembling professionalism when he and Hux were around other people, only to dump snow down Hux’s coat the instant the troopers backs were all turned. (Ren’s apology once they were alone again was very thorough.)
  5. Ren often cried in his sleep. Sometimes he muttered words in languages Hux didn’t know. Hux ordered a translator device to help him figure out what the Knight was saying, but apparently the supplier was temporarily out of stock due to raids on the trade routes by unknown parties. Hux resorted to recording Ren's nocturnal monologues to translate later.  

  6. Hux had previously determined that Ren's tantrums followed no pattern. He was wrong. The chain of triggering events was simply internal.  




Things were going very well. Too well. Hux tried not to think about it too hard, because either he was missing something or things were about to take a turn for the worse. The construction of Starkiller was on schedule (about a day and a half ahead, actually) and Hux was enjoying the time he was spending with Kylo’s arms around him.

Hux tried very hard to enjoy the good things without worrying more than was needful.

The bridge of the _Finalizer_ was lively, but not too busy. Another day overseeing Starkiller Base from orbit. Hux let the bustle of the room flow around him as he gazed down at the clear, cold expanse of the planet below. In fifteen minutes he had a meeting with the contractors from sector two, but for a little while he could look at the scenery.

Hux frowned. Something felt… off. But he couldn’t tell what.

Hux bit at the inside of his lower lip.

Hux blinked, turned to look over the core of his command. The bridge was exactly the same it had been a moment ago. Efficiency, order, numbers scrolling by on displays. Conversation was minimal and respectful. Every officer was working at their station.

Why did it all feel so… suddenly surreal?

Hux stared at the people before him, their movements seeming puppet-like and distant. Caricatures performing their roles, background decorations to fill in a scene. Everything was far away. Insignificant. Hux was the only solid thing in a world of paper.

The switch flipped in Hux's mind, and he breathed himself back to reality. That… wasn't his own… feeling.

Off to one side stood Kylo Ren, watching over the room, an eyesore in tattered robes against the background of everything else. He was holding very still, much as he often did, when he deigned to visit the bridge for a few minutes at a time. If Hux weren’t somehow wired into Ren’s brain he wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong.

“Kylo Ren,” Hux said, turning towards the Knight. Ren gave no indication of having heard him. Several officers nearby fell quiet. Hux thought he saw Mitaka elbow Unamo. He ignored them.

“Ren.” The Knight might as well have been a statue for all Hux could tell.

“Ren!” Hux snapped. This time that ridiculous helmet swung to face him, and Hux suppressed a shudder. For some reason, he wanted to reach out and rip that stupid thing off, just to reassure himself that it really _was_ Kylo underneath. At the moment, it felt like… like he would see someone else if he dared try.

“Do you intend to stand there all day?” Hux asked sharply, the first thing he thought to say. He didn’t know how to ask if Ren was alright, if he could hear Hux’s voice. If it was really him.

Ren didn’t move for several seconds, and the hollowing of Hux’s insides continued. Hux couldn’t keep himself from jumping when Ren grabbed the lightsaber from his waist. He flicked it on, the red beam burning the air between them. Hux didn’t dare look away from where Ren’s eyes were staring at him from behind the mask.

Silent as death, Ren turned. Petty Officer Thall managed to keep her head enough to open the bridge door for Ren to walk through. Hux made a mental note to write her a commendation. Surely if she hadn’t thought to do so Ren would have removed the door as an obstacle in a more permanent manner. Ren stepped through and walked away, dragging a fresh trail of melted metal and sparking wires along the wall next to him as he went.

It dawned on Hux that everyone was staring at him. His legs felt weak. More than anything, he yearned to go after Ren, to offer what meager comfort he was capable of. That feeling in his head, that feeling of being severed from reality… If that was what Ren was experiencing right now...

With a sharp look, General Hux could make the bridge fall back into order. That was all it took. He ignored the small voice at the back of his head yelling at him to follow Ren. The Knight was far more of a mess than Hux could fix with a glare. Besides, he had a meeting to attend. Very important.

 _Coward_ , said the voice.

Hux resisted the urge to argue with himself and instead decided he would check on Ren after his shift. It would only be a couple of hours. And if Ren went on a rampage, Hux would go stop him. Simple. Straightforward.

Luckily for the ship, though, Ren had trained himself to retreat to his quarters when upset. Hux knew that was where he could find the Knight, and when he didn't hear any yelling from the other side of the door, he didn't hesitate. **  
**

Hux had barely let himself into Kylo’s quarters before he found his back pressed to the wall. Not an entirely disagreeable occurrence. However, the usual warmth in the back of his mind had frozen. Kylo was kneeling on the floor at the opposite end of the room, arms loose at his sides, holding very still. His face was pale, sickly white, and his eyes were cold and dark, red-rimmed. The scar on his face stood out angry and raw against the rest of his skin.

 _“You.”_ Ren spat the word with icy venom. “Again you come to _torment_ me…”

“Wha-” Hux felt his breath choked off, felt the blood flowing to his brain slow just a bit. What was Ren talking about? His vision went dark for an instant. He was fairly certain that he’d actually blacked out, given that Ren seemed to have started talking again mid-sentence, his voice a horrible rasp, like he’d been screaming for hours.

“-you want? Is my suffering not _enough_ for you? Leave me BE!” The pressure on Hux’s body increased, and he started to panic. This was _bad._ He couldn’t feel _anything_ from Kylo’s mind beyond a painful white noise. If Kylo didn’t calm down, he could easily kill Hux. That would put quite the damper on their relationship.

“I _hate_ you!” Kylo’s voice razed at the air between them. “Why? Why do you keep coming back? _I hate you!”_

Hux wished he could lift his hands, if only for the false idea of grasping at the Force around his neck and chest. “Ky-” he wheezed.

 _“Stop calling me that!”_ Kylo shouted, his voice torn, his expression full of anguish. The lights flickered. “That _isn’t_ my name! He’s _gone_ , and he is _never coming back! I hate you!”  
_

He hauled himself to his feet, or at least tried to. His legs tangled in his robes, and he staggered as he rose. The Force pulsed, a physical pressure rocking the room, sending all two pieces of furniture in the room swaying lightly. Kylo jerked back, stumbling away from the pedestal where his melted Darth Vader mask wobbled in its place. Hux felt the tension slip sideways, somehow. The pressure on his chest disappeared so quickly he almost collapsed to his knees. He pulled air into his lungs gratefully, and realized his hands already were reaching for Kylo. Every second he wasn't touching his Knight was painful.

Kylo was huddled on the floor, a crumpled heap of black fabric and leather, shaking with hysterical sobs. He lifted his hands to tangle his fingers in his own hair, wrenching at it painfully. “I almost hurt you,” he whispered. “I… I almost…” Kylo buried his face in his hands, ugly sobs ripping apart half-formed consonants. “Hu- x... I- Ca- Nnnnn…”

"You didn't hurt me," Hux said as calmly as he could. He'd probably have bruises, but he bruised easily. Even in the middle of... _whatever_ had just happened... Kylo hadn't really done more than scare Hux. Cutting off blood-flow to the brain was actually the _least_ dangerous way to render someone unconscious. "Ky, you didn't hurt me. I'm alright. Are you... alright? Did you… forget who I was?” Hux asked softly, wondering if asking helped.

Kylo shook his head, tried to meet Hux’s gaze, but all Hux saw was blotchy skin and eyelids rubbed raw before the Knight hid behind his hands again. “Nn- No. I…” Another crackly partial breath shook Kylo’s entire frame. “I… forgot who _I_ was…”

"I'm sorry," The words escaped before Hux could stop them. He knelt in front of Kylo helplessly. "I'm so sorry. I should have come sooner..."

Kylo reached out and grabbed Hux's wrist. "No," he sobbed. "This... this isn't your fault. Never... Please don't... I'm _sorry-_ "

"Alright, fine," Hux said, finally brave enough to wrap his arms around Kylo. "I'm _not_ sorry. There. What can I do? Let me help you..."

"Stay with me?" Kylo still couldn't look at him, dark hair hiding most of his face, but his voice sounded terribly small.

Hux sighed. "You don't have a mattress," he pointed out. "And your creepy fake Vader mask is staring at me. Think you can make it to my quarters?"

Kylo tried to pull himself together enough to answer, but he took long enough for Hux to go temporarily insane.

"It's alright," Hux said. "If you can't walk, I'll carry you."

Which was apparently all it took to get Kylo to laugh, even if the laughter was all but indistinguishable from the Knight's hysterics. That was fine with Hux. He didn't mind.

So long as he could feel the warmth in his head, in the space where Kylo belonged.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do droids dream?"
> 
> Threepio startled, his photo-receptors stuttering. "Dream? Droids? Oh, no, Mistress Leia. At least not in the same way you do."
> 
> She let out a sound that could have been the start of a laugh. "I don't think _anyone_ dreams the way I do. Not even Luke." A frown settled on her brow. "Didn't I ask you not to call me that?"
> 
> "Oh, yes. My apologies. You _did_ ask me to simply call you Leia."
> 
> She nodded graciously, unaware of how regal she was without ever trying. "Good." She pulled her knees closer, hugging them as the two of them looked out over the rebellion base on D'Qar. It had rained earlier, and Threepio's atmosphere analysis registered near ideal levels, the air fresh and clean after the storm. "So in what way _do_ you dream?"
> 
> Master Anakin had asked something similar, once. Had also asked to be simply 'Anakin'. Threepio accessed the memory file, silently running over the bits of data that held his maker's voice. Leia was very much like him.
> 
> "I believe it's a side-effect of having my memory erased," Threepio admitted. "Sometimes, in low-power mode, old pieces of corrupt data try to... rearrange themselves. I explained it to Master Anakin once, and he said that what I was experiencing was rather like dreaming."
> 
> A near-smile threatened across her expression. "It's funny, actually. You remind me of him, sometimes. You're a lot alike, the two of you."
> 
> Threepio considered that for point-zero-three seconds.
> 
> "Oh how _dreadful_."


	34. Between Your Children And Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know... it’s kind of horrible, but I’m glad I met your father. He made me feel much better about myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chirrut leaned against the sandstone, determined to meditate even if it killed him.
> 
> Baze chuckled next to him. “You look like you’re struggling a bit. Is there a problem? Did you step in something gross again?”
> 
> Deep breath in. I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. “That was one time,” he grumbled, smacking the back of his hand lightly against Baze’s shoulder. “And no. There is a disturbance approaching. Like a storm.”
> 
> “I don’t feel anything.”
> 
> “You could if you wanted,” Chirrut muttered under his breath.
> 
> “What was that?”
> 
> “Nothing.”
> 
> Breathe deeply. Ignore the smells of the street. Why was it so difficult today, after years of practice? Right. The stormcloud on the horizon. Except by now it felt more like an enormous nexu barreling down the street at them. No one was screaming and running, however. The streets sounded the same as they had every day for a long time. Another deep breath. Yeah, still smelled the same, too. And he wasn’t about to start licking the rocks just yet.
> 
> Really? Why weren’t people reacting to whatever was doing this? Had he finally started to lose it? Because the giant, raging thing was getting awfully close… 
> 
> “What do you want, lady? Gonna stare all day?” Baze barked at someone. Chirrut was about to reprimand him for being so rude when she responded.
> 
> “I await a guardian.”
> 
> “Then you’ll be waiting for-” Baze grunted as Chirrut elbowed him a little harder than usual. This was… not what he expected from today. The Force was full of surprises.
> 
> “A guardian awaits the Will of the Force,” Chirrut said as he hauled himself to his feet and bowed low. “That is an old greeting.”
> 
> “Yes,” she said. This visitor. Who didn’t seem like a person nearly so much as a gravitational anomaly with a voice. She sounded nice, though. “It’s been a very long time since I have spoken with any of the Guardians of the Whills. It is an honor.”
> 
> Chirrut wasn’t sure how to address her. “The honor is ours… sister.”
> 
> There was a shift in the air. “This city is no longer safe,” she said. Chirrut heard two steps as she approached them.
> 
> “It hasn’t been safe in a while,” Baze griped.
> 
> “The kyber crystals,” the sister continued as though he hadn’t spoken, though Chirrut felt his companion shrug a little embarrassment off. “They have been doing an excellent job of concealing her, but with the Empire stripping them away, soon she will be exposed. I need to move her before that happens.”
> 
> Oh. This was definitely not something Chirrut had expected in his lifetime. “The temple,” he said, quietly, as if anyone passing on the street would care about his words. “It has been ransacked, but that which we guard is still there.”
> 
> “Good. Come with me.”
> 
> Which took all of two seconds, since they were practically on the temple steps already. Or what was left of them. Picking his way over the rubble, Chirrut was startled when the sister took his hand and placed it at the crook of her elbow, the better to lead him up to the splintered entrance to the temple. Judging by simple physical contact, she could have been any sentient humanoid.
> 
> She paused.
> 
> “Fine, yes, your ladyship,” Baze grumbled at them both. “I’ll guard the entrance. No one will interrupt you two in there.”
> 
> “Thank you.” She sounded like she was smiling. Guiding both herself and Chirrut, she stepped over the broken threshold. The sounds of the city faded, and their footsteps echoed in the empty space around them.
> 
> “Your companion,” she murmured. “He has closed his eyes to the light around him.”
> 
> “Wow,” Chirrut said. “Nice metaphor.”
> 
> That startled a laugh from her. “My apologies,” she said, the laughter still in her voice. “Let me try again. He does not open his mouth to taste the feast laid before him.”
> 
> “Now you’re just making me hungry.”

A beeping alarm rang in Hux’s ears.

 

An undignified sound escaped him. He’d been fast asleep after all, curled up protectively around his Knight, pleasantly warm, and now this kriffing alarm was going off? The chrono showed 0409, far too early for any of his usual alarms to be alarming him awake.

 

Oh, shit. He was still partly asleep enough to be making bad puns in his head. Hux flailed at his datapad, trying to reach it to turn off the sound without untangling himself from Kylo.

 

“It’s Snoke.” Kylo’s voice was gravelly from sleep, the texture of it dragging over Hux’s skin. Couldn’t life just… hold on for a little? Let Hux have one night with his Knight in peace? Why did puns have to plague his half-asleep mind? Was there no justice in the galaxy?  “Hux…” Kylo’s hands pulled desperately at Hux. “Revan… he can’t know about this. About us. He can’t find out.”

 

Hux smacked his datapad into silence and rolled over to run his hand through Kylo’s hair. All that effort of soothing him a few hours ago shattered now. It was like Hux could feel the broken glass all around him. Kylo’s eyes were wide and shiny, and his limbs and lower lip were trembling.

 

“He won’t find out, Ky,” Hux promised, even as he had no idea if it was possible to keep that promise. He still didn’t know how Snoke got most of his information.

 

“Snoke can read minds,” Kylo responded, confirming the worst of Hux’s fears. “But… it takes enormous effort over large distances. He hardly ever bothers to check more than your surface thoughts. Keeping your focus on Starkiller Base and all its boring details will be enough. As for me… He sometimes… tests me.”

 

Hux’s blood ran cold, then his skin chilled as well when Kylo rolled away from him, began tugging on his clothes. “It’ll be fine,” Kylo continued. “I’m stronger than I used to be. And he wouldn’t dare push hard enough to hurt me. He needs me around, still. I can hide this…”

 

“Ky-”

 

“You’ll be fine,” Kylo insisted, seeming to gain strength as he pulled clothing onto his body, putting on the identity of the Knight with the robes.

 

“Are _you_ alright?” Hux pressed, even has he rose and began to dress himself.

 

Kylo ducked his head a little, not quite meeting Hux’s eye. “Sorry about… last night. That was… a bit rough.”

 

Hux let out a humorless ‘ha’. “How often does that happen?” He straightened out his jacket as he looked over his hair in the mirror. “You… forgetting who you are?”

 

He turned to see Kylo grimacing down at his helmet. The Knight shifted his weight uneasily before looking up at Hux and shrugging. “I’m… not really sure. I don’t think more than once or twice a month.”

 

Hux did his best not to react to that, but he must've, given how Kylo flinched away from him violently. “Oh,” Hux said, fixing his hair. “That's…” _way, way too often to be remotely comfortable. Has Ren ever dissociated like that in the middle of battle? During meetings? And he isn't sure how often?_

 

“We’ll be fine,” Kylo insisted. Good. He was including himself. “You’ll be fine.” Ah, Hux had that thought too quickly. “Snoke won’t find out. He won’t. I won’t let him.”

 

With a grim look on his face, Kylo lowered the helmet over his head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tell me, Kylo Ren. How go your studies?”

 

Hux felt Kylo shift his weight back and forth, though neither of them looked away from the gleaming hologram filling the large room. Kylo seemed a bit caught off-guard by the question, though Hux wasn’t sure why.

 

“My studies… continue,” Kylo said, each word heavy, and picking up momentum. “The holocron from Valassare IV was of no use to me, though it was amusing for a time to listen to some long-dead Sith Lord gripe about his apprentice’s failures. The little of consequence that he ventured near was nothing but philosophical theory, rather than concrete practice.”

 

Snoke leaned one elbow on the armrest of his throne, spindly finger-bones supporting his chin. Hux had never seen Snoke take such a relaxed pose. “The path you seek may not exist, Kylo Ren.”

 

Ren shrugged.

 

The smile that stole over Snoke’s face was ghastly, twisting his scars further than they seemed willing. “Yet… that does not deter you.”

 

“If the path does not exist, then I will forge it myself.”

 

Snoke seemed pleased with that answer, and to Hux’s surprise the feeling leaking from Kylo felt _smug_.

 

“And the weapon?”

 

Hux didn’t need to correct his posture, but he pretended to anyway. “We are on-schedule, Supreme Leader Snoke. The teraelectronvolt collider is ninety-percent completed.” The only reason it wasn’t already was that pesky problem with the supplier, which Hux was undoubtedly going to have to figure out himself, since no one else had, yet.

 

“Good, good.” Hux was fairly certain that the Supreme Leader hadn’t ever actually read the detailed construction schedule Hux sent, but that was fine. It was the job of General Hux, after all, to oversee such things. “There is one small matter,” Snoke continued. “Valdis Ren’s ship has been compromised. The _Finalizer_ is to rendezvous with her in the Raidei System, escort her to the Seswenna sector, and furnish her with a new shuttle.”

 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux said with a sharp nod, glad Snoke actually had a reason for summoning them in the worst hours of the morning. Kylo tipped his head as well, and Snoke’s hologram faded out, their meeting concluded.

 

As soon as there was no chance of Snoke overhearing, Kylo _cackled_.

 

 _Oh no,_ Hux thought distantly.

 

“Have you met any of the other Knights of Ren? Besides me, I mean?”

 

“Not formally, no.” Hux tried not to let his distaste show on his face. He was pretty sure he’d dealt with at least two of them besides Kylo, but it was hard to tell. It could have been the same person under different masks, for all he knew.

 

“Ah,” Ren sighed. “I won’t spoil the surprise, then.”

 

Hux stiffened slightly. “What surprise? Ren-”

 

“Uh-uh,” Ren shook his head emphatically. “I’m not spoiling this. I promise, Hux, that it won’t be a bad surprise. Probably. I think you’ll enjoy meeting Valdis Ren. She’s nice.”

 

“She’s _nice_?” Somehow Hux doubted that a Knight of Ren could realistically be nice. Even Kylo only managed it occasionally.

 

“I hear she’s an excellent hair stylist.”

 

Hux stared at Kylo, processing the fact that he wasn’t lying. Eventually he just rolled his eyes. “Whatever. It’ll take us a couple of days to get there, anyway.” A yawn cracked his jaw, reminding him that he hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep. “I need breakfast. So do you.”

 

“Alright.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Hux felt Ren approaching the bridge long before the Knight actually arrived. It kind of felt like sinking into a warm bath. He hadn’t had a warm bath since he was a small child, but the sensation still crawled over his skin, soothing his nerves.

 

Soothing was the last word he ever thought he use to describe Kylo, but this was his life now.

 

Ren was in a surprisingly good mood, his stride long and even as he stalked onto the bridge, menacing under his hood and mask. People cowered away from Ren, and Hux struggled not to show anything on his face. If Ren could feel like this, even after last night… Hux would have to make sure he ate breakfast every day.

 

Someday. _Someday._ Someday Hux would know Kylo well enough to be able to predict a mood swing. That day was not today, apparently. Five seconds in the room and Hux heard a sharp intake of breath, and the warmth vanished to be replaced by dark-cold rage.

 

Ren whirled on poor Lieutenant Burc, whose face took on a very unhealthy pallor in the pale red light of Ren’s saber, held inches from his face. The Knight was hunched over the Lieutenant's console, free hand gripping the metal so hard it was denting. Hux did his best not to run over to the two of them and pull Ren away too quickly. Everyone else on the bridge seemed frozen, leaning away from the space suddenly flooded with a violent Knight.

 

“ _You,_ ” Ren seethed. “You _dare_ speak such things in my presence-”

 

“Lord Ren,” Hux snapped, reaching out with the thought of simply tugging Ren away from the terrified officer.

 

In less than the blink of an eye, Ren had turned and grabbed the front of Hux’s greatcoat, bunching the fabric and tightening the feel of it around Hux’s chest. Ren pulled, moving Hux as easily as a doll, his anger a tangible beast in the air. Several thoughts went through Hux’s head very very quickly, including the thought that if Ren ripped his coat he was going to be rather upset.

 

And then everything stopped. The lightsaber’s hum was quiet and distant, while Ren himself was an unmoving statue. Held immobile by… something. Oh no. Was Ren having another panic attack, here on the bridge?

 

No… the back corner of Hux’s mind felt fine, no white ice, no crackling static. Just… Ren holding very very still, like he didn’t want to even breathe.

 

Hux glanced around the room, taking in the faces of his officers in various degrees of terror and confusion. He counted thirty seconds in his head. Someone coughed. Hux tried to pull away and found that Kylo was still ridiculously strong, able to hold him in place with one hand with no apparent effort.

 

“Um… Lord Ren?” Hux wasn’t even sure if the Knight heard him.

 

Slowly, the fingers clenched in Hux’s coat straightened, slipped away from Hux, severing the strange thread holding them both immobile. Ren’s shoulders flexed and relaxed, and finally the gleam of his 'saber blinked out of existence.

 

“I… um…” Ren glanced around, taking in the strange looks he was getting. “I, uh. I’ll be. In training room, um, B10, um, if you…”

 

The Knight turned and stalked away, his shoulders hunched. He muttered a half-hearted ‘fuck’ when the corner of his robe got caught on a control panel for a second. The blast doors closed behind him and there was an audible sigh of relief in the room.

 

Hux stepped around the damaged console to tower over the shivering, stunned form of Lieutenant Burc, who didn’t look at him.

 

“Lieutenant,” Hux said, not gently. “Do you know what set him off?”

 

The shivering man did not respond, but the communications officer next to him leaned slightly forward. “General Hux, sir, Lieutenant Burc was quietly wondering which of the two of you is more dominant in your relationship behind closed doors. Sir.”

 

Hux gave her his coldest glare until she, too, looked like she might be sick. “Lieutenant Burc, I trust you will not make the same mistake twice. Report to medical.”

 

To his credit, the seemingly catatonic Lieutenant scrambled to leave the bridge. Hux returned to his former position, one hand on the rail as he looked out over the vast starscape. The low conversations around him resumed, everyone having gotten rather used to Ren’s strange outbursts and having to recover quickly.

 

Five minutes later, Hux realized what had halted Kylo mid-tirade.

 

“Shit,” he muttered. Softly, but he still felt rather embarrassed at cussing on the bridge while on-duty in front of so many people. “Colonel Datoo.”

 

“Yes, sir?”

 

“You have the conn.”

 

The Colonel saluted. “Yes, sir.”

 

Neat and sharp, Hux cut a line through the air as he marched through the long hallways down to the training room. He barely saw anything in front of him, hardly noticed the troopers all but leaping out of his way as they simultaneously tried to salute him properly. It might have been funny, if Hux’s stomach weren’t churning with horror.

 

The moment that Kylo Ren had grabbed Hux’s coat… So many things had flashed through Hux’s mind. So many thoughts, ideas, instinctual reactions, responses all of which had been cycled through so fast that Hux was surprised that Kylo had singled one of them out.

 

Well, alright. Maybe it wasn’t that surprising, if Hux admitted it to himself. The first thought, the first memory. The strongest and oldest in Hux’s mind, so well-worn and so mundane to him that he had long-ago learned how to ignore it. But it had been the first thing in his head when Kylo laid a hand on him in anger.

 

Hux stopped in front of the door. He could feel Kylo behind it, as calm as Hux had ever felt him. Maybe they didn’t need to talk about this, then. If Kylo was already over it, then maybe they could leave it to rot in the ground where it belonged.

 

_Don’t leave…_

 

Like a cold finger down his spine, the sensation of that voice in his head pulled a shiver from him. Unable to work up the willpower to resist, Hux entered the room.

 

Kylo was standing against the wall near the door, most of his layers of clothing removed, left only in trousers, boots, and a shirt. Deliberately making himself more vulnerable. His hands hung loose at his sides, his shoulders just a little hunched forwards, his gaze fixed on Hux’s chin.

 

“Ren,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

 

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, given the look of horror and grief that crossed Kylo’s face. Damn it, wasn’t this what people were supposed to do? Apologize? What had Hux done wrong, now?

 

“I…” Hux started, but couldn’t decide what to say. Part of him wanted to apologize for saying that he was sorry, but that seemed incredibly and stupidly illogical and counterproductive, and.

 

Kylo stepped away from the wall, sorrow still etched on his face, his posture deferential. “You never answered my letter.”

 

“Your…” Right. The letter. The ridiculous one that Hux had secretly copied out on a piece of flimsy and kept under his mattress. He didn’t quite follow the change in subject, but he remembered that letter well. “Correct. I never did respond.”

 

Kylo hummed and scrunched up his nose a little. “Though you probably wouldn’t have thought of say ‘don’t even think about touching me when you’re angry, even if it’s someone else you’re angry at’. I’m very sorry, Hux. I won’t do it again. Unless it’s to save your life or something. Anything else?”

 

Hux’s shoulders felt strained. He realized it was because he’d stopped moving mid-shrug some time ago. Deliberately, he relaxed and thought over Kylo’s question. “Don’t put anything in my mouth without asking first.”

 

“Does that include my tongue?”

 

 _He isn’t teasing,_ Hux noticed. _Just clarifying._ Clear communication. That’s how… relationships… were supposed to work. “No,” Hux decided out loud. “I don’t mind your tongue in my mouth.”

 

“I don’t mind my tongue in your mouth, either.”

 

 _That_ was teasing, certainly. The bright spark in Kylo’s eyes moved closer, starlight on an ocean. Before Hux could figure out if that metaphor had come from his mind or Kylo’s, the Knight had moved right into Hux’s space, entwining those long arms around Hux's shoulders and upper arms. Hux felt the long line of Kylo's body against his own. He expected a kiss. He was _ready_ for a kiss. It didn't happen. Kylo just planted his chin in the crook of Hux's neck and huffed a sigh.

 

“What… are you doing?”

 

“I'm hugging you, Hux. This is a hug.”

 

“Right. Of course.” Hux stood like a tree, rooted to the ground, immobile. “I don’t need your pity.”

 

“Does it feel like I pity you?”

 

Hux bit back the first scathing remark that surfaced. And the second. Made himself examine the emotion ensnared in the back of his head, spreading out to maim his lungs and paralyze his limbs. “No,” he croaked. His eyes stung without warning or permission.

 

“I'm sorry I didn't kill him. You shouldn't have had to.”

 

Hux's jaw was clenched so tight it was making the top of his head ache.

 

“I’m not weak.” Hux had to hear himself say it.

 

_You are strong._

 

Helplessness curled around Hux’s arms, pulling them up as if to protect himself, but Kylo was in the way. For a moment, Hux was afraid he was going to return Kylo’s strange embrace that wasn’t going anywhere, afraid he was going to pull Kylo closer. Instead he felt his hands grasp at Kylo’s sides, like the Knight was a lifeline, or an anchor.

 

Something old and young at the same time cracked inside of Hux, permitted by the empty room and the scent of Kylo’s hair. Like the cooled crust of an inferno. Red and bitter and tangled and hooked together to flash-sear through Hux's defenses. He might as well have been a slip of useless paper, crumpled up and tossed into the flames.

 

“I _hate_ him!” Hux raged, his fists balled up next to Kylo’s ribs. “He… I hate him _so much!_ How dare he! How _dare_ he… I didn't deserve it! I was just a child and I didn't deserve it-”

 

Kylo didn’t say anything, and didn’t move. He just let Hux scream into his shoulder without judgment and without fear. What the fuck even was this? Why couldn’t Hux stop yelling nonsense, and why was he crying? He never cried, not even-

 

“ _Why?_ ” Hux demanded. “Why did he hurt me? Why? I wanted to be good enough… I tried so hard to be what he wanted. I just wanted… Why couldn’t I?” Hux was sobbing, shaking so hard that If Kylo hadn’t been holding him up he would have sunk to the floor. Time stretched out, measured only by vulgar, naked tears. They might have stood that way for a minute or several hours. Fuck, this was exhausting. How could anyone stand having such feelings? How was Hux supposed to handle this fatigue that kept pulling at his eyes. Every time he thought it would stop, a new thought, a new wave of sobs wrecked him again.

 

“I’m here,” Kylo whispered. Hux could barely hear him over the horrible choking noise of his own breathing. “I’m here,” he said again, over and over, like a chant.

 

“You’re _mine,_ Revan. I found you. I promised, didn’t I?”

 

Hux wasn’t even sure he heard that right. It sounded absurd. But… a small, wicked peace stole over Hux, even as he still shook like leaves in the wind. Nothing made sense. The galaxy was a massive joke, with Hux’s life and feelings as the punchline.

 

But it didn’t matter. Here. Now. The mercurial Kylo Ren stood immovable, sheltering Hux from the storm of his own emotions. Revan Hux had never felt so safe. And like he was in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. He stole a wounded, wounding breath through his mouth, his throat and nose aching from the tears he still couldn’t quite believe were staining Kylo’s shirt.

  
“I’m yours,” he whispered. “Ky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They stopped, and Chirrut Îmwe tasted the stale dust in the air, heard the hiss of sand. He wasn’t sure if the city sounds were silenced by the architecture or the Force.
> 
> “Do you know where she is?” the sister asked. “The kyber serves its purpose well. Even this close I cannot pinpoint her. It would take hours to search on my own.”
> 
> Chirrut nodded. “There,” he pointed, having had this temple memorized for as long as he could remember. “The statue… it used to be a child, but the hands and face have been smashed.” He recalled the grains of the stone features under his fingertips. Details he would never feel again.
> 
> “Ah, yes.” She moved towards it, her steps sure, then stopped. “Well, you might as well come with me, Guardian. I can feel your wish.”
> 
> Chirrut felt his face warm, but he walked towards her. “I wasn’t certain what was allowed.”
> 
> “Everything is allowed,” she answered simply. “You and I and her… we are all one in the Force.”
> 
> She took his hand and placed it on the ruined face of the life-size statue. Chirrut knelt, and tried to shake the feeling that the statue was a living person whose face had been taken.
> 
> “Do you hear her?”
> 
> With a rush of delight, Chirrut tasted the sweetest song he had ever heard.
> 
> “Yes.”
> 
> It wasn’t really a language or words. Simply impressions, emotions, fuzzy and distant but strong. It might have been images, but it seemed that since Chirrut’s mind was filtering the voice through what he could understand, it was mostly touch, the smell of dust and the fabric of his own clothes and water, the warmth of a hand on his face just as his hand was on the statue.
> 
> “She recognizes me?” Chirrut whispered.
> 
> “Of course,” the sister beside him said. “The Viem love the galaxy we live in. They watch, they listen, they learn. Through the Force. Through every living thing past, present, and future. She rather adores you.”
> 
>  
> 
> _stone-touch guardian(hands-upon-lightbow) dry/smile-feel_
> 
>  
> 
> Chirrut couldn’t help but smile in response.
> 
> “Little sister,” said his companion softly. “This place will become unsafe, soon. I need to take you to a different world.”
> 
>  
> 
> _I (individual?) touch/hear/hold sky(kyber) over -sacred and special- desolate place time that has not happened_
> 
>  
> 
> Chirrut frowned, not sure if he caught all of that correctly. Probably not. The feeling that accompanied that flurry of sensation was overwhelmingly one of excitement and hope.
> 
> The sister beside him pulled back, a grief in her heart that she was trying very hard to keep from spilling everywhere and sticking to the floor. It still resonated through the Force despite her efforts. There was a story here. One that Chirrut wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
> 
> “If you have seen it through time, dreaming stone child,” she said slowly. “Then surely the sky will return.”
> 
> The little sister seemed content with that answer, and settled back down.
> 
> His companion sighed heavily. “Well, I suppose now that I know where she is I can get the equipment to transport her. I suppose there is a switch somewhere here to move the statue aside… or not. Alright. Guess there was never any intention to physically move her…”
> 
> She fell quiet. Very quiet. Chirrut felt something stir beneath the floor.
> 
> “Oh no,” said the sister. “I didn’t mean... Oh no.” She put a hand on Chirrut’s shoulder for balance, and when she spoke again, he wondered if she knew how terrified she sounded.
> 
> “When I said that you needed to move, I didn’t mean you needed to wake up!”


	35. Between Your Books and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> General Hux has a devoted fan-club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE AHEAD:
> 
> Ok my friends I have come to a realization. I still maintain that you can read this series in whatever order you want. Time has no meaning :) Things are equally confusing and weird no matter where you begin.
> 
> HOWEVER
> 
> There is one character whose arc makes the most sense when read in the mostly chronological order. That would be Luke. Go figure.
> 
> In realizing that I also realized something else. Because Distance Between and Between You and Me were originally not going to be separate, I messed up Hux's... journey of discovery. It's complicated. But in short, in order for me to not have lied about how smart Hux is, he needs to start figuring some things out in this fic. Which means that if you are reading this work first, you might be surprised by some of the conclusions he reaches.
> 
> If you haven't yet figured out the connection between Kylo and Solum Ren, and you want to be in on the punchline before Hux figures stuff out, I suggest you go read all the other stories at this point and then come back and finish this one. Or start over, as you might want to.
> 
> On the other hand, if you enjoy crazy plot-twists and you wanna learn things along with Hux, please continue reading! There is no harm in doing so!
> 
> (( I say with great delight that the one delicious puzzle piece that Hux will NOT get in this fic is the best one because it's the same thing that took audiences by surprise clear back in The Empire Strikes Back...
> 
> Darth Vader was once Anakin Skywalker and therefore Luke (and Leia's) Father...))
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> And there came from the west a certain man, and he stretched forth his hand unto the people, and his countenance was as fire and his voice as thunder, and his words fell as rain in the desert.  
> 
> 
>   * prophecy fragment, The Telos Holocron
> 

> 
>  
> 
> __  
> ...And in the time of greatest despair, there shall come a savior, and he shall be known as THE SON OF THE SUNS.  
> 
> 
>   * Journal of the Whills, 3: 127
> 

> 
>  
> 
> __  
> One there shall be. One to breathe Light. One to destroy the walking Dark. One to bring balance. One to bring harmony. One to End. One that is Chosen.  
> 
> 
>   * Unknown (presumed Jedi origin)
> 

> 
>  
> 
> __  
> The Sith’ari will be free of limits.  
>  __  
> The Sith’ari will lead the Sith and destroy them.  
>  __  
> The Sith’ari will raise the Sith from death and make them stronger than before.  
> 
> 
>   * The Book of the Sith
> 


Kylo was grinning so hard behind his mask his cheeks were starting to hurt, and Valdis Ren hadn’t even stepped out of her shuttle, yet.

 

Hux was glaring at him without even looking at him, which was rather impressive. His disapproval of Kylo’s secrecy about what to expect from Valdis Ren practically dripped from his every movement. Still, Hux’s composure and professionalism was impressive as the two of them watched the dark figure step down from the shuttle they’d sent planetside for her. 

 

Captain Phasma stood to one side, in front of her troops, chrome armor gleaming like a mirror. Kylo still wasn’t quite sure what to make of their conversation just over a week ago, but Phasma didn’t seem interested in using what she knew about Kylo against him. Instead she seemed… curious. About what he intended to accomplish. She reminded him of someone from another life. Kylo shrugged off the shadowy memory and focused on not giggling at Valdis Ren walking towards them.

 

Her nickname “The Armory” was rather apt, thought Kylo as she clanged and clinked her way with long strides across the hangar, flanked by rows of saluting ‘troopers, as befitting someone of her station. Kylo was  _ really _ glad he was wearing his mask at the moment. He was grinning like a maniac. It probably would have frightened some people.

 

Valdis Ren halted, her robes sweeping around her until their momentum slowed.  _ Don’t laugh _ , Kylo thought very sternly at himself.  _ Just don’t laugh at either of them, don’t laugh… _

 

With far more grace than she should have been capable of, Valdis Ren knelt, prostrating herself in front of General Hux.

 

“General Hux,” she said to the floor, the forehead of her mask pressed there, her arms stretched out before her, palms up in supplication. “My life is yours to command.   _ Wonatul Qorit’ari. Nukûskutanjat Revankist. _ ”

 

Kylo was a bit impressed. She’d obviously been practicing her pronunciation. Hux, on the other hand, was staring blankly at her. Clearly, of all the things he had expected,  _ worship _ was not one of them.

 

_ Are you going to say anything to her, Hux? _ Kylo thought with hardly any internal giggling at all.

 

Hux shot him only the barest of glares before composing himself, his quick mind putting thoughts into place, sorting through them faster than Kylo could follow.

 

Ah, yes. Kylo’s weakness for intellectuals. Still there, making him a little wobbly.

 

“Rise, Knight Valdis of Ren,” Hux said firmly. “Welcome to the  _ Finalizer _ .”

 

Still managing to look graceful while clambering upright, Valdis rose to her feet, bowed once more to Hux.

 

“The honor of meeting you, General Hux, is more than I can express.”

 

“You got pretty close,” Kylo chimed in. “Too bad the General doesn't know Ancient Sith. Welcome, Valdis Ren.”

 

Her shoulders grew stiff and her helmet slowly turned to acknowledge her fellow Knight. “Kylo Ren,” she said, her voice crisp and sharp. Even though the mask. “I see you haven't died yet.”

 

“Not yet,” Kylo smiled. “Come, your quarters will be near mine.”

 

She _ seethed  _ at his laid-back attitude, but didn't seem to want to confront him about it in front of Hux, biting her tongue.

 

Hux and Kylo walked side-by-side down the hallway, Kylo still managing to not laugh as Valdis fumed behind them. He really should have been paying closer attention to Hux.

 

“Ren. Kylo.” Hux didn’t even glance at him, his heels clicking against the floor. “I’m disappointed that you didn’t greet me in such a manner when you were first stationed here.”

 

Damned robes. It seemed like every time Kylo fixed them, they snagged on something and ripped, creating more of a mess for him to trip over. Especially when confronted with uncomfortable situations like the murderous intent of Valdis Ren burning into the back of his neck at the same time Hux was lightly teasing him.

 

The floor was very hard, and knocked the breath right out of him.

 

“General,” Kylo wheezed, hauling himself upright. Maybe it was time for new robes. How long had he had these ones? He’d kind of just kept repairing them… “Hux…”

 

Hux snorted and kept walking down the hall, trailing Valdis Ren and leaving Kylo to catch up. Valdis Ren’s mask managed to look condescending. That should have been impossible, given that she was six inches shorter than Kylo, but then it probably was because he was picking himself up off the floor.

 

“Dare I even  _ ask _ how you introduced yourself to General Hux?” she muttered at him.

 

“I  _ thought _ about greeting him traditionally,” Kylo said. Not defensively at all.

 

“So why didn’t you?”

 

_ Because it was taking all of my concentration just to walk at that point. Because I had yearned for so long to meet him that I couldn’t grasp the concept that it was really happening.  Because part of me hoped I was dreaming; because part of me was certain I wasn’t enough of a person to deserve even speaking to him. _

 

“Because I was so in awe of meeting the illustrious General Hux that I was practically catatonic,” Kylo said in a joking tone.

 

“Liar,” Valdis scoffed.

 

Except that it was true. And now Hux knew that it was true. Kylo was watching the General, saw his posture change slightly as Kylo’s thoughts struck him. His neck went taught, and then relaxed, and his hands clenched behind him. His steps shortened for two strides, and then evened out again.

 

“Valdis Ren,” Hux said. “We should reach the Seswenna sector in approximately forty-two standard hours. The  _ Finalizer’s _ resources are available to you as you see fit. During that time I hope that you will join me for a private meal.”

 

“I would be honored, General Hux,” Valdis said with a grateful nod. Kylo smirked to himself at her eagerness.

 

“If you have any spare time,” Kylo added. “I wouldn’t mind having a sparring partn-”

 

“I’m not sparring with you,” she said flatly.

 

“What if I let you spar by way of remote-control droids?” he countered.

 

She considered that. “Multiple droids?”

 

“Let’s say five. Unless you don’t think you can handle that many at once.”

 

Kylo felt her glare through both her mask and his. “I am more than equal to the task,” she all but snarled. It sounded like she was gritting her teeth in an unkind smile.

 

“I should like to observe such a session,” Hux said. “Kylo, let me know when that happens.”

 

Huh. Hux had never watched any of Kylo’s training or workouts before. “I will, General.”

 

“Good.” Hux stopped in front of the door to Valdis Ren’s temporary quarters. “I’m afraid I must leave you here, Valdis. My duties keep me rather busy. Would you be free this evening for dinner? Perhaps at 1900 hours?”

 

Kylo once again was forced to stifle a laugh. Hux was itching with curiosity, speaking faster than usual and forcing himself to stand still so hard he was all but vibrating.

 

“1900 hours would be just fine, Lord General.”

 

This time, Kylo choked on the laughter. Luckily he held his shoulders mostly still and the voice modulator made it sound more like a hiss.  _ Lord General? _ Oh, yes, Valdis, very nice catch. Wouldn’t do to slip up and actually call him Lord Revan out loud.

 

“Ren- Kylo,” Hux said, his voice like the snap of a whip. “You and I need to discuss the matter of the therumidium shipment delays.”

 

“As you command,  _ Lord _ General.” Kylo smiled and swept a bow. Valdis twitched. She had done a very admirable job of not physically attacking him in front of Hux. A sparring round with her would be good.

 

So Kylo and Hux left Valdis to settle into her space, and Hux opened the door to his own quarters with shaky hands, motioning Kylo inside with what to anyone else (or Kylo a few weeks ago) would have looked like immaculate control.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

“Explain,” Hux demanded.

 

Kylo took off his helmet and smiled. That wide, lazy smile that stirred something violent in Hux’s chest. “Explain what, General?”

 

“What was that display in the hangar?” Hux felt his face growing warm all over again. “And what did she say? I heard my name in the middle of it.”

 

Kylo hummed, his eyes bright with laughter. “She addressed you in two ways. What she said to you can be translated as roughly ‘Through you I am free, Lord of the End.’ and then she pronounced her loyalty to you as the Revanchist. Kind of. She got a little metaphorical.”

 

“Excuse me?” Hux heard his voice climbing higher in exasperation. “The what? The Revanchist?”

 

“The Knights of Ren have a prophecy,” Ren said, then paused. “They are not the only ones, but in short they are the sect which has interpreted the prophecy as meaning that their foretold ‘Chosen One’ is the reincarnation of Darth Revan. Valdis is the most demonstrative of the Knights in this matter, since she comes from a deeply spiritual culture-”

 

“Me.” Hux’s voice came out flat, but he didn’t know how. “They think I’m this… Revan reincarnate. Revanchist.”

 

“Yes.” A wicked expression stole its way onto Kylo’s face. “The Knights keep pestering Solum Ren to let them officially call themselves the Knights of ‘Revan’ instead of the shortened ‘Ren’, but he keeps turning them down. Says you aren’t ready yet.”

 

Hux floundered a little. “ _ Why? _ ”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why would they think that I’m some kind of… I don’t even  _ know _ … I’m no Force-user-”

 

“Nope.” Ren leaned his chin on one fist. “Mostly it’s your name, Hrevander. Extremists, true believers, only need a tiny push in a direction to head that way. Seeing ‘Revan’ in your name is part of it. Some of it… is  _ kind _ of  _ maybe  _ my fault-”

 

“How so?”

 

“And some of it,” Ren continued, ignoring Hux’s question. “Is the effect you have on people. Seeing it up close for myself these last few years, even I have to admit that your fervent followers might have a point. You may not be Force-sensitive, Hux, but it moves around you in a very strange way.”

 

“You don’t believe that I’m this… Revanchist.” That was obvious.

 

Ren shrugged. “Interpretation of prophecy is difficult and fallible. After all, the Jedi once thought their own prophecy of a Chosen One fulfilled. Actually…” Kylo trailed off, his eyes fixated on a spot just to the left of Hux’s head. He had a strange look on his face, like he’d encountered a thought he hadn’t had before. “Actually… they may have been… kind of… half-right. Maybe. Little good it did them.”

 

Hux wasn’t terribly interested in the failings of long-dead Jedi. “Who was this Darth Revan? What made them so special that people want them to come back?”

 

“Revan… Darth Revan…” Kylo tore his gaze from the wall, and Hux regretted asking just a little bit. There was a wild thing in Kylo’s eyes. “Well. There’s a lot to tell. The man is a legend in certain corners of the galaxy. The first thing is probably… his pull on the Force. He is the only living thing in all of recorded history who was capable of drawing on both sides of the Force simultaneously. Light and Dark.”

 

“But  _ you _ can use both.”

 

Kylo pouted. “No fair. You picked that out of my head.” He grimaced. “Yes. I can. But not at the same time. They require completely different mental states and energy to use. I can switch quickly, but I can’t use them at the same time. Revan- Darth Revan  _ could. _ ”

 

Hux frowned. “I guess I don’t understand this whole...light and dark thing. How can a universal power have sides to it?”

 

Kylo leaned forward, his elbows settled on his knees, his hands clasped in front of his face as his brow furrowed with thought. “The Light and Dark sides of the Force,” he said slowly. Like he was dredging up an old memory from where it had been buried. “The Force itself is fairly straightforward to explain. Or at least it is easy enough to use simple metaphors to explain to those who don’t need to know too much about it, just that it exists. It’s like… the metaphor isn’t quite a lie, but it doesn’t explain fully.”

 

“Atomic structure,” Hux said aloud, his mind making the connection. “Children are taught that atoms are like very tiny invisible star systems, because that is a lie they can understand, and it is enough for what most need. Unless one begins studying nuclear physics, and then the metaphor becomes meaningless, because atoms aren’t like star systems at all.”

 

“Exactly, yes.”

 

“So when you say the Light and Dark-”

 

“It isn’t literal, no. Light and Dark are very old terms from so early in the use of the Force that the words and their variations have shaped how many use the Force. If I were to use another metaphor, I would say the sides are like air and ocean.”

 

Hux was intrigued, to say the least. He sat in the chair next to Kylo, cradling his chin in his hand. “Which side is which?”

 

Kylo smiled. “For the purpose of this metaphor, the Dark is Water, and the Light is Air. And learning to use the Force is learning to swim. There’s more than one way to swim, and there’s more than one way to use the Force.”

 

“But what about the Air? The Light side? Swimming is in the water. Didn’t the Jedi teach only the Light?”

 

“I’m getting there,” Kylo said. “But yeah, they did. So they way they learned and taught how to use the Force was to never, ever put your head underwater, at all, or you will drown. The Sith, on the other hand, taught how to hold your breath, so that you could swim underwater. The danger of drowning is still very real, and many do drown in the Dark Side of the Force. Just like the ocean, if you forget yourself or what you are doing for even a second, you can be lost, and not necessarily  _ just _ to a physical death.”

 

“That makes sense,” Hux said. “So… you’re pretty good at holding your breath, I suppose?”

 

Kylo tilted his head, his eyes examining the ceiling and then Hux before a smile crossed his face. “Not at all. I can breathe both air and water.”

 

“You’re… amphibious?”

 

“That’s the word!” Kylo grinned. “I couldn’t remember the word. Yes. Amphibious. The Force holds no danger for me, Light or Dark.”

 

Hux hummed thoughtfully. “I have only one more question at the moment. I have to get back to my duties. About the Knights of Ren and your masks…”

 

“Ceremonial,” Kylo said his smile softer for some reason. “In any situation in which we act  _ as _ Knights of Ren, it is appropriate to wear a mask. Valdis Ren and I have seen each other’s faces several times. She probably won’t wear her mask for the rest of her stay here.”

 

Hux caught the next question before it left his mouth.  _ Why, Kylo? Why did it take you nearly four years to take off the mask?  _ It didn’t need to be asked; he already knew the answer. 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Valdis Ren was Mirialan, as it turned out. Petite of build, with pale green skin, the contours of her cheekbones marked with dainty geometric tattoos. Kylo was right. As soon as she entered the officer’s lounge that Hux had designated as their dining area she removed her helmet and set it aside without hesitation. Hux seated her to his right, and a droid bustled in with their meal. It wasn’t much better than anything else regularly served on the  _ Finalizer, _ but it was heated to a pleasant temperature, at least.

 

“You honor me, General,” Valdis said politely as she ate. “It seems you see me as a guest.”

 

“I have been given no reason to see you as anything else.” Hux took a drink.

 

“May I ask a question?”

 

“Speak freely, Ren.”

 

She leaned forward quickly, almost knocking over her cup as she knelt on her chair. Personal space must not be particularly important among the Knights. Hux refused to lean away.

 

“Is it true that you arranged the downfall of Klamm Retaak?”

 

Klamm Retaak? “The former governor of Neoteen? I… well… yes?” The petty man had been siphoning credits into his own pockets, skimming off the profits of the small mining colony he’d been placed in charge of. Hux had all but forgotten. It had taken less than an half an hour to put together, a carefully worded message in the right hands, a few instructions to a discrete third party, and an easily broken cipher. Hux had destroyed the man’s entire life but hadn’t bothered following through. Should he have?

 

Valdis Ren’s smile was far from pretty. “Ah,” she said with deep satisfaction. “How delightful. That monster had been _unnecessarily_ cruel to many in the mining colony, and the fallout, so I hear, was spectacular. Rumors about his fate will spread through the Western Reaches for years to come.”

 

Interesting. Especially since Hux wasn’t sure what Retaak’s fate had actually been.

 

“I haven’t,” she paused, as if searching for her words. “Had dinner with one other person in some time. I assume you had a reason, General?”

 

“I’m eager to learn more of the Knights of Ren,” Hux admitted frankly. “It appears to me as though Kylo Ren is not exactly representative of your order as a whole.”

 

“The Jedi Killer,” Valdis said solemnly, nodding once. “He has many secrets.”

 

“Tell me what you know about him?”

 

She paused to take a bite, chewing it slowly. “I know… little about him,” she said. “Though probably more than the other Knights, save our Master. Kylo did not join our ranks in a traditional manner.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He, ah…” To Hux’s surprise, she looked a bit embarrassed. “I was carrying out a mission in Nar Shaddaa when I was approached by him. He insisted that I escort him to my Master, which I of course refused. He then asked that I take him to Supreme Leader Snoke.” She paused. “I was in the middle of a delicate assassination mission. I was deep undercover, and stealth was of the utmost importance. Only two other people knew I was there. But Kylo, a complete stranger, walked up to me on a busy street in broad daylight and started speaking of such things as if we were old friends discussing the weather!”

 

“So you brought him to Snoke?”

 

“Of course I didn’t,” she replied with disdain. “I wasn’t about to compromise my Order, even if there was no longer a chance of completing my mission, with my cover blown so spectacularly. I decided that I would slay this fool and bring his head back to the Citadel.”

 

“You tried to kill him?”

 

A strangely proud smile crossed her face. “Tried, yes. Got my ass handed to me. I don’t think he even broke a sweat. He didn’t even bother drawing a weapon or using the Force, damn bastard.” She straightened a bit, looking mildly horrified. “Forgive me, General. I did not intend to speak so informally.”

 

“Formality can be set aside,” Hux stated. “I’m more interested in honesty.”

 

“Yes, General.”

 

“You called Kylo ‘the Jedi Killer’.”

 

Valdis didn’t say anything in response, and her hands went still.

 

“I’m certain that most everyone in the galaxy,” Hux went on. “Even in the Outer Rim, has heard of the Jedi Temple Massacre. Skywalker’s school attacked in the middle of the night, half the students slaughtered in their beds-”

 

“I don’t know why Kylo is called the Jedi Killer,” Valdis said, her words strong and certain. “He just is. And… the Knights of Ren are forbidden from speaking of the attack on the Jedi School.”

 

There was the barest tremor in her voice. The connection made in Hux’s head wasn’t the one he had suspected. Instead, he leaned back and sipped at his drink. If he ordered her to tell him, she would. It was there in her mouth, the blink of an eye, the tilt of her head. Such an action would be premature, however.

 

Before today, he hadn’t thought that the Knights of Ren were separate from Snoke. Now… well… it would be devastatingly easy to turn them against him, it seemed.

  
Tempting. But not necessary. Yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “They have Podracing on Malastare,” Qui Gon said, lifting his cup to sip at the bland tea. “Very fast, very dangerous.”
> 
> The boy straightened in his seat, making himself as big as he could. “I'm the only human who can do it!” he declared proudly. Qui Gon did not miss the sideways look Shmi gave her son. Neither did Anakin, as he immediately looked somewhat contrite. “Well… Watto says he's never heard of a human doing it. Maybe he’s wrong.”
> 
> Qui-Gon smiled. “You must have Jedi reflexes if you race Pods.”
> 
> “Like you?”
> 
> Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows. The child was perceptive. “What makes you think that?”
> 
>  
> 
> “I saw your laser sword. Only Jedi carry that kind of weapon.”
> 
> Leaning back, Qui-Gon smiled and successfully resisted the urge to wink at his padawan. “Perhaps I killed a Jedi and stole it from him.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.
> 
> Anakin frowned, a very serious expression for such a young boy. “I don't think so... No one can kill a Jedi Knight.”
> 
> “Ani,” Shmi said quietly, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as if praying for patience.
> 
> Qui-Gon could sympathize with praying for patience around younglings. “I wish that were so. Your guess is correct, young one. I am a Jedi Knight.”
> 
> Shmi seemed about to speak, but Anakin all but leapt onto the table, his entire being alive with excitement. “I had a dream I was a Jedi! I came back here and freed all the  
> slaves...have you come to free us?”
> 
> “No, I'm afraid not…” There was too much else going on. Too much else at risk...
> 
> Anakin knelt on his seat, leaning over his plate to stare more intently at Qui-Gon. To his surprise, the Jedi felt something like intimidation. There was something very powerful behind those eyes.
> 
> “Why not?” the child demanded.


	36. Between Your Blade and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo would argue that it should be tagged " _Appropriate_ Use Of The Force".
> 
>  
> 
> Also: yes. I moved a scene. because i needed to. so the beginning note of chapter 34 is different, now, as of posting this chapter. New readers, don't worry, you're fine, you've missed nothing. The scene I moved from chapter 34 will be the end note of the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do you know the rarest resource on Coruscant, my boy?"
> 
> "I... I'm not sure."
> 
> "Sky. Down here, the sun is a myth."

Ren rolled over to face Hux, their noses brushing against each other as Ren curled closer. “I’ve been thinking…”

 

_ “No.” _ Hux wondered if there were three more terrifying words he could have woken up to. ‘The ship’s crashing’? No. ‘Everyone is dead’? No, not that, either.

 

Ren whined a little bit. “But  _ Hux, _ just hear me out, okay?”

 

Hux groaned and buried his face in his pillow. “Stop thinking. Go back to sleep.”

 

“It’s five minutes until you need to wake up.”

 

“Let me sleep, Ren.” He rolled onto his stomach, just to further discourage the Knight. It didn’t work.

 

“Remember how a while ago you asked me to fuck you?”

 

Had Hux ever said that out loud?

 

“Yeah,” Kylo answered his thoughts. “Only once. Right before we had that fight and I hid in my room for four days and then I took off my clothes.”

 

“What a charming summary of our relationship,” Hux muttered into the pillow.

 

He felt Kylo smile into his hair, practically draped on top of the General, the fabric of Kylo’s pants scruffing along his legs. “I’ve been thinking about it. Actually… I can’t  _ stop _ thinking about it.” The Knight started mouthing at the back of Hux’s neck. It was incredibly distracting. “About being inside you… opening you up...”

 

Well… at least one part of Hux was now more awake. “You don’t have a fucking dick,” Hux said. He’d meant for it to come out as a discouraging growl. It didn’t sound that way once the words vibrated out the back of his head and into Kylo’s mouth.

 

“And I don’t particularly want one. It seems like a hassle.” Kylo nosed under Hux’s ear. Hux felt warm, his entire body relaxing and simultaneously winding up at Kylo’s words and touches. “But there are… alternatives. Which I have been thinking about. Like I said. Since you are the one who’s going to be getting-  fucked- ” Kylo punctuated the words with little nips as Hux’s skin. Hux moaned softly. “I thought I’d run a couple ideas past you.”

 

Hux waited just a few more moments, relishing the feeling of Kylo pressing up against him, their bodies aligning so nicely. “Well, Ren? Continue.”

 

Kylo smiled against his shoulder, biting down just enough to leave tingly little impressions in Hux’s skin. “I know a few cybernetic artists of some skill. The things they can do with surface electrode neuro-sensors is nothing short of artwork.”

 

“A removable cybernetic cock?” Hux just had to say it out loud.

 

“Well, I’m not too interested in a permanent one, so yeah.” Kylo planted wet, open-mouthed kisses down his spine. “Another option… which would be much cheaper, in terms of credits. Maybe not cheaper in terms of how spectacularly I will disgrace my metaphorical ancestors…”

 

“Just get on with it, Ren.”

 

The Knight’s hands firmly grabbed Hux’s hips, kneading at Hux’s ass with his thumbs. “There are several smaller factions of Force-users scattered throughout the galaxy in hidden places. There’s one in particular… I encountered a practitioner in the lower levels of Coruscant one time, had a really in-depth discussion on the nature of the Force and its uses.”

 

“Ren…” Hux hadn’t meant that to come out so breathy. “I need to get up soon.”

 

Kylo chuckled. “I’ll take care of you, Hux. Don’t worry. As I was saying, this particular clan believed that the Living Force was incredibly sacred. And since the Force moves through and is created by and inhabits life… then the  _ best _ way to honor it, connect with it, and use it… was through the act of creating life.”

 

Hux felt his mouth go dry. “You’re kidding me.”

 

“Sex,” Ren smiled into Hux’s upper thigh. “And  _ all _ its variations. That faction of Force-users found that the best way for them to connect to the Force was by using it for sex. A  _ very _ enlightening conversation for my younger self…”

 

“That sounds vaguely blasphemous,” Hux said. Or tried to say. The last half jumped an octave up when Kylo ran his tongue on a slow path between his cheeks.

 

“Doesn’t it?” Kylo whispered between long, slow licks. Hux was wide-awake, now, grinding down into the mattress, his fingers stretching the fabric of the pillowcase. “Is that something you’d like to try, Hux? Me… filling you up? Stretching you out? All mine...”

 

“Fuck,” Hux groaned. Kylo was unrelenting. Seriously, did he even need to breathe? His hair was tickling against Hux’s skin and  _ fuck _ Kylo’s mouth. Hux’s worst enemy and leading cause of insanity was that mouth. “Fuck, Ky,  _ yes. _ I want you to fuck me…”

 

Kylo’s tongue dipped inside, teasing him open, and Hux keened. Shit, he was so good. So good, so perfect. Fuck that mouth of his.

 

Hux was babbling, he realized, half-words and embarrassing sounds. The most embarrassing sound, however, escaped when Kylo pressed up against just the right spot inside… right at the same time that Kylo kissed the back of his neck and rocked his hips into Hux.

 

“Ky!” Hux nearly cried as he came, blanking out white with the realization that he wasn’t entirely sure when Kylo had transitioned from his tongue to the Force. They were both shaking, Kylo’s forehead pressed against Hux’s spine between his shoulder-blades and his hands braced on the bed on either side of Hux’s ribs. “Oh, shit, Kylo.” Hux’s wake-up alarm was going off, and he wasn’t actually sure how long it’d been going off, but that was a very minor detail in the grand scheme of the soft, light bliss spiraling around in Hux’s brain. “Fine. Alright. You were definitely not a virgin when we met.”

 

Kylo laughed, bright like clear water over smooth stones. “Actually, that’s the first time I’ve tried that. Good to know it works!”

 

The Knight all but bounded from the bed, bright-eyed and terrible. Hux was purposefully slower to get up. As he always was, ever since the first time they slept together.

 

Interesting, how easily Hux let himself adapt to Ren’s… peculiarities. Like how, other than that one time, Ren was never fully nude. Always kept on either a shirt or pants. Couldn’t bear to let his entire body be exposed at once.

 

Could barely handle any exposure at all. Couldn’t lift his mismatched hands higher than his head during sex without jerking them back down to his sides with a whimper. Had to be relaxed and already aroused to let Hux kiss his neck, even though he obviously enjoyed it. Hated it when Hux touched his legs with his bare hands any lower than about mid-thigh.

 

The one time Hux had thoughtlessly pinned Kylo’s wrist to the mattress without warning, it had taken them both about ten minutes to calm down from Ren’s reaction.

 

All these tiny little bits of data that Hux compiled in his mind pieced together a picture of Ren’s past that Hux didn’t particularly want to examine too closely until he needed to. He kept all the pieces, though. They were important. Hell, everything about Ren felt important. His morbid sense of humor and his dramatics and his amusement at saying the most bizarre things in a completely deadpan tone of voice. His passion for everything. His intuitive flavor of intelligence and really, really lopsided knowledge of galactic history.

 

The way he would shy away from his own face in mirrors. Good thing he didn’t have to shave.

 

After the first two meetings of the day, Hux let himself into Ren’s usual training room, converted from what was originally a shooting range with several large mats on the floor, a couple of padded benches, a handful of storage crates stacked haphazardly and a few punching bags.

 

Hux hadn’t been in this room since Kylo appropriated it several years ago. Why he’d wanted a long room meant for ranged combat practice was beyond Hux, and he’d never actually questioned it, before. Nearly a dozen battered targets meant for shooting practice were propped up against the walls in scattered locations throughout the room. None of them seemed the victims of a lightsaber; only blaster shots scarred them.

 

Both Knights were already there and had been for awhile, Kylo pacing around a cleared area with a short staff in his hands, twirling it around with a calm look on his face, though his eyes lit up a little when he spotted Hux. Valdis was seated in a chair behind a transparisteel blast shield, originally meant for officers to observe target practice safely, and she was fiddling with both a datapad and what looked like a custom transmitter. She, like Kylo, was maskless, and Hux had to tamp down a completely irrational surge of jealousy that Kylo would let anyone other than Hux so casually see his face.

 

Valdis actually stood and bowed when Hux stepped behind the shield to join her. “General Hux,” she said respectfully, though with far less tension than there had been only the day before. Hux wondered if that was a good or bad thing.

 

_ She approves of you, _ came Kylo’s thought along their connection.

 

“Valdis Ren,” Hux responded with a nod towards her. He frowned as he looked out at Kylo. The Knight was wearing far less clothing than usual. Still covered in fabric and leather up to his neck, of course, but with far fewer layers than usual, down to a knee-length tunic, trousers and a longsleeved undershirt and gloves. The look rather suited him, actually. Why Kylo always felt the need to wear  _ so many _ layers-

 

_ Hux. _

 

Kylo’s voice sounded slightly reproving in his head, and Hux covered his slight embarrassment by shifting a chair to where he could better sit and observe.  _ What? _ He attempted thinking back across the bond.

 

_ My clothing serves a purpose. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to regulate body core temperature when more than three-fourths of your skin is scar tissue? _

 

That number sounded made-up, but Hux wasn’t about to argue the rest of it.  _ I’ve never thought of that. _

 

_ Most people don’t. _

 

“Are you ready for the deflection training, Kylo?” Valdis asked.

 

Kylo smirked and tossed his staff into a corner rather than setting it in one of the many weapon racks lining the walls. “Whenever you are, Valdis.” The Knight seated next to Hux pressed a button on her transmitter, and five little hovering droids floated from the storage unit, little yellow lights blinking like eyes.  Kylo hummed a bit distractedly. “We should start pretty slow. I amped up the velocity on these droids quite a bit more than was strictly needed for training.”

 

Valdis raised one brow. “What do you want to start at?”

 

“Let’s start at twelve percent maximum speed. Especially since there’s five of them. And make sure they’re set to stun.”

 

“Of course,” Valdis said mildly. “Wouldn’t want to hurt that pretty face of yours.”

 

Kylo shrugged off the comment, but Hux was surprised at the sudden sting in his own chest. He shifted his weight a little, taken off guard by his own overwhelming need to protect Kylo. Which was ridiculous. Kylo could very well take care of himself. Most of the time.

 

Hux noticed Kylo was smirking at him, even as he tugged his lightsaber from his belt. “Stay behind that blaster shield, General,” he called out. Hux scowled at Kylo’s weird underhanded flirting.

 

He was eager, however, to watch this session. He’d never actually watched Ren in battle before, and had never seen the Knight use his lightsaber for anything other than random acts of destruction.

 

The blade flared to life in Kylo’s hands, a pure red beam that left after-images on the insides of Hux’s eyelids. Valdis tapped her fingers against her datapad, and the hover-droids hummed and began swirling around Kylo in what seemed a randomized pattern, not quite close enough for him to hit with his ‘saber. With the occasional input from Valdis, one or two droids would suddenly change their movements, holding still for a second or switching up their direction.

 

Kylo raised his lightsaber in front of him, his eyes unfocused. “Ready.”

 

The first shot didn’t come right away, but when it did Kylo easily deflected it with a flick of his ‘saber without looking. And the next and the next. Hux could see that Valdis was intentionally not using a specific pattern, not letting Kylo settle into a rhythm. Even so, Kylo seemed at-ease, letting himself step into movements the way he needed to. He was fluid, every motion elegant and graceful, completely at odds with how Hux usually saw him. It was like watching a dance.

 

“You’re using the Makashi form?” Valdis called out to Kylo.

 

The look of disbelief Kylo gave her didn’t distract him from blocking three more blaster bolts. “No,” he said slowly, not halting his movements. It occurred to Hux that if Valdis was trying to distract Kylo, it wasn’t working. “This is form four, Ataru. Where did you learn about lightsaber forms?”

 

“I read a book,” Valdis responded, though Hux caught a hint of a blush on her cheeks. “Where did  _ you _ learn?”

 

Kylo blocked five more shots before he answered. “There are plenty of old Jedi holocrons floating around the galaxy, if one knows where to look. Many of them cover lightsaber training.” A non-answer if Hux ever heard one. “Valdis, I’m ready for the speed to go up a little. How about fifteen percent?”

 

“Certainly.”

 

The droids noticeably quickened, their location becoming slightly more difficult to track with the naked eye. Kylo wasn’t using his eyes, though. Hux got the feeling that the Knight probably could do this exercise blindfolded, if he so chose. The lightsaber was in constant motion, twirled lightly in Kylo’s hands like the weapon was part of him, an extension of his body that he could command as such.

 

It was at that point that Hux realized something. Every single bolt that Kylo deflected with his ‘saber struck one of the targets scattered around the room. Most were not dead-center, but all of them hit targets.

 

Damn. Hux scowled. This display of skill and, well,  _ physicality _ was certainly having an effect on the General. He shifted slightly, attempting to fight down the warm flush spreading across his body.

 

“Valdis,” Kylo said, sounding just a little out of breath.  Hux  _ did not _ tug at his collar as he felt the heat in his own body grow. “Increase the speed to twenty percent.”

 

“Alright.”

 

The droids all lurched, then sped up again after the pause, moving faster than ever. Hux wondered if he would have been able to follow their movements at all, were he not already sped up in his own way.

 

Kylo Ren did not pause in his dance, only changed the rhythm as he flowed from one stance to the next, his ‘saber in constant, fluid motion. It was quite possibly the most graceful thing Hux had ever seen in his life. Kylo was smiling, that violent-bright grin that haunted Hux’s daydreams, when he had them. Like a blade in his guts, Hux was hit with what Kylo would look like on the battlefield, splattered in gore, his hair as wild as his smile. The Knight would be nothing short of a wave of destruction, crashing over his enemies, a whirlwind that swept away everything and everyone.

 

Like one of those demi-gods that primitive worlds told stories about. The embodiment of war and death loosely draped in the guise of a human.

 

Hux brought that thought up short. Nah. He couldn’t see the anthropomorphic personification of war itself giggling over sweets, snoring, and tripping over his own robes. Speaking of sweets, he was looking forward to sharing that box that had just arrived from the Sevaac system with Kylo later this evening.

 

General Hux realized that he was smiling like an fool and quickly wiped it off his face before Valdis could see.

 

Five minutes and seven seconds ticked by on Hux’s chrono before a bolt slid past Kylo’s defences. Hux felt it strike his shoulder as if he himself had taken the blow, stinging into numbness down his arm. Valdis immediately halted the droids, as Kylo dropped the hilt of his ‘saber and shook out the limb, frowning and wincing at the sensation.

 

“Your conditioning is terrible,” Valdis said. The droids floated back to their shelf and powered down. “Seriously, Kylo, you need to take better care yourself. You’re plenty strong and quick, but you have no endurance whatsoever.”

 

Kylo grimaced and rolled his shoulders, refusing to look at either Valdis or Hux. “So I’ll fix my conditioning training, Valdis. No reason to talk to me like that.”

 

“You should also fix your diet and possibly get your lung capacity checked. And trim your hair. It looks like a lothal-rat nest.”

 

“Do you want to take care of that yourself before you leave?”

 

“Sure. I’ll get my things.” Valdis brushed her hands down her robes like she was dusting them off. “Is there anything I can do for you, General Hux?”

 

Hux was momentarily taken aback by her question, unsure of why she was asking. Kylo had said that she was nice. Is this what nice looked like? Offering to assist people when they weren’t expecting it? Seemed like a good way to catch people off-guard, at the very least.

 

“Thank you, Valdis Ren, but I don’t require anything at this time,” Hux eventually managed. “Your shuttle departs at 1300 hours. I will be there to see you off.”

 

“I appreciate that, General.”

 

She bowed, her hands clasped before her in a manner that looked particular, then left the training room, grabbing her helmet from a stand near the door as she left.

 

“Told you she’s nice,” Kylo smirked.

 

“Don’t let her cut off too much of your hair, Ren.” Hux checked over his uniform, made certain that everything was still in place and nothing… inconvenient… had popped up.

 

Kylo swayed towards him, the after-effects of his exercise still lingering in the way he walked: loose, willowy, and deadly. Hux felt his mouth go dry.

 

“It’s just a trim, Hux. I doubt you’ll even notice the difference.” Kylo stepped easily into Hux’s space and took the General’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. The heat radiating from Ren’s body made Hux feel dizzy and powerful at once. “I need to cool down, but I’ll see you at dinner, yes?”

 

“Of course,” Hux said. He jerked his chin away from Ren’s hand and pulled the Knight in for a warm kiss, too hungry for it to wait for Ren to move. “I’ll see you then.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

There weren’t many stormtroopers lined up to bid farewell to Valdis Ren. A simple honor guard had seemed most appropriate. Captain Phasma stood just behind Hux’s right shoulder, her presence solid and appreciated. Valdis Ren swept through the hangar, a bag over her shoulder and the tools at her belt clinking against each other. She bowed respectfully to both Phasma and Hux, and then paused. “General Hux,” she said, surprisingly soft. “Before I depart, my Master sent a gift for you, from the Knights of Ren. To give to you before I leave. A token of our… alliance.”

 

From her rucksack she pulled a dark grey box of smooth, indeterminate material, about the size of a small blaster case. She murmured, strange sibilant words that Hux didn’t understand, then reverently extended it towards him.

 

He took it, held it in both hands, and when she gave no further indication of what to do, he slowly lifted the hinged lid.

 

Inside, encased in silvery-blue fabric, lay a lightsaber. It was elegant and simple in its design, smooth white metal inlaid with curls of black. A knuckle-guard of the same white metal curled around the handle.

 

“It isn’t… a practical gift,” Valdis said. “I can’t think of any situation in which it would be of use. It’s shockingly sentimental of my Master.”

 

“I take it he isn’t known for his sentimentality,” Hux murmured, examining the handle of the ‘saber. It was polished and gleaming, but there were a few nicks and scratches in it that suggested it had seen actual use.

 

“Not really.”

 

“Whose was it?”

 

When Valdis didn’t answer, Hux looked at her sharply. Her mask was tilted downward, like she was staring at the floor. She turned half-away, towards the ramp of her ship, and Hux thought she wasn’t going to answer.

 

“That is the lightsaber of Anaath Ren. He was our Master before Solum Ren.”

 

“Do you know why he would want me to have it?”

  
She didn’t answer, and instead turned away completely, walking up into her ship. “Farewell, General Hux. Perhaps we will meet again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe Dameron descended from his X-Wing in a post-victory haze. _Captain_ Poe Dameron, he corrected himself. Today was a day worth celebrating! The sun was shining, birds were singing, several First Order TIE-fighters were now chunks of twisted metal in space, and all of his pilots had made it back alive. What a day!
> 
> The Resistance Base was bustling and lively; everyone was overflowing with the same kind of high Poe was floating on.
> 
> Almost everyone. Off to one side, where she wouldn’t get in anyone’s way, sat a young woman cross-legged with her back against some crates. She had a toolbox open next to her, some kind of gadget in her lap. At first it seemed she was focused on her work, but Poe had seen her a couple of times around the base. Always off to one side, in a corner. She never left her back exposed, that he’d seen. Dressed plainly, and seemed to be working hard, but in reality was just fiddling around with her ‘work’ while she subtly watched people. Poe couldn’t help wondering what her story was, why she always seemed so sad, why some of her braided hair was jet-black and some was pure gold.
> 
> Well, today was a victory day. Why the hell not? Poe ran a hand through his hair, hoping it wasn’t too flattened from the helmet, and started walking towards her. He knew that flirting outrageously was one of his vices, and usually he thought he did a pretty good job of holding back, but what a day!
> 
> She noticed immediately, of course. Her storm-gray eyes held such intensity in them he almost turned around. But now that he was moving, he didn’t really want to stop. _Just walk casual, Dameron._
> 
> "I've seen you around the base a few times," Poe said. Not the smoothest introduction, but he could make it work. "I couldn't help but notice you." Nice. Now lean up against the crate all casual-like, not in her space but close enough she had to tilt her head up a little to look at his face. She didn't bother responding, just gave him the coldest, most disinterested look he'd ever seen on a face. It was actually impressive. Even though she was sitting and he was standing, she still was managing to seem taller than him.
> 
> "Just finished a really important mission," Poe continued. Part of him was cringing at his bragging, but everything was just so wonderful right now! "Super successful. I bet my squad and I will get some kind of medal ceremony for our contribution to the Resistance. I'll get to shake the General's hand!"
> 
> “You haven’t met her?”
> 
> A response at last! She was teasing him, Poe knew. Something behind that icy facade of hers was laughing. “Not personally,” he admitted. “Not yet. But I’m certain I will.”
> 
> “Oh, I am certain, as well,” she said in a tone dripping with so much sarcasm that Poe wondered if he was missing something.
> 
> “May I ask your name?”
> 
> She didn’t quite smile, but the shadows around her eyes lifted away for a second. “My name is Leia.”
> 
> “Oh, thank the Force,” Poe said, then began internally screaming at himself.
> 
> The confused look on her face made Poe feel even more embarrassed. “What?” she said.
> 
> “Oh, uh,” Poe shrugged, trying to laugh it off. “It’s, ah, nothing… Just… Part of me has always been a little nervous… because Leia Skywalker was the only Leia I’ve ever heard of. Nice to know there are other Leia’s in the galaxy…”
> 
> Yeah. Real subtle there, Dameron. Definitely no way she could resist that. This’ll be a great story to tell about how you met if she really is your soulmate.
> 
> She was staring at him, wordlessly. It was worrying, but Poe had recovered from worse flirtation disasters before.
> 
> Carefully, she cleared her throat and glanced down at the object in her hands. Poe glanced as well, then again, and then did a marvelous job of not smacking himself in the face.
> 
> The gadget in her hands that she'd been tinkering with was a lightsaber.
> 
> A real, actual lightsaber like one used by a real actual Jedi Master.
> 
> Named Leia.
> 
> “You’re Leia Skywalker,” he said.
> 
> “Wow,” she said. “You’re so smart.”
> 
> “Hey,” he said with a smile. “That hurts my manly feelings. All one of them.”
> 
> “I’m assuming your soulmark says ‘Leia’,” she said flatly. “At least that what it sounds like. Does it really?”
> 
> Poe was about to say something witty or sarcastic, but brought himself up short before he could stick his foot all the way in his mouth. Leia was looking at him with cold scorn, but the expression was shaky, like she was just barely holding on to it, trying to cover up what was underneath as best she could.
> 
> And what was underneath took his breath away.
> 
> “Yeah,” he said. “It...it does. I’d have to take off my shirt to show you, but… yeah, it says Leia. So… what does your soulmark say?”
> 
> She leveled him a glare that honestly should have killed him. “Ace.”
> 
> “Hah!” He couldn’t help the bright spark of laughter. “It’s funny because it’s true in two ways!”


End file.
